


The Skeleton Magnet

by ShyneAnon



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, No Smut, Reader Is Not Chara, Reader Is Not Frisk, Reader-Insert, Reverse Harem, Self-Insert, Slow Burn, for some of them, reader is female, some of these guys are gonna need some redemption arcs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-13
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:40:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 57,940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28038573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShyneAnon/pseuds/ShyneAnon
Summary: It starts when you deliver a pizza to two creepy skeletons living in a ramshackle house in the middle of nowhere.And then you deliver a pizza to two skeletons living in a nice house in the suburbs. Wait, no, there are six of them. Who all share a strange number of similarities. Wait, are they all the same two people?In any case, they seem to like you. And you like them. And you want to know exactly what's going on here.So, you all may as well keep getting to know each other.
Relationships: Papyrus (Undertale)/Reader, Papyrus(Horrortale)/Reader, Papyrus(Underfell)/Reader, Papyrus(Underswap)/Reader, Reader/Everyone, Sans (Undertale)/Reader, Sans(Horrortale)/Reader, Sans(Underfell)/Reader, Sans(Underswap)/Reader
Comments: 242
Kudos: 496





	1. Strange Encounters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You survive what feels like a horror movie scenario, and then meet two very friendly skeleton brothers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Welcome to this reverse harem fic! I'm writing it as a challenge to myself, to see how well I can pull something like this off. So I hope you enjoy it!

Well, this was a horror movie set if you’d ever seen one.

This was the house? Seriously? It looked completely uninhabited. There were no lights on, it clearly hadn’t seen yard work in years, and the structure itself was beginning to fall apart. You considered calling your manager and telling him the situation, telling him that there was absolutely no way that you were going to that house. It looked like some serial killer’s hideout, and you wouldn’t be surprised if whoever was there had only ordered a pizza to lure some poor delivery person (in this case, you) to their doom. It might not even be inhabited like you suspected, and the serial killer had just found a good spot to commit a murder. Surely, even you weren’t desperate enough to potentially risk your life just for a tip, right?

…

Yeah, you definitely were.

By the time you reached the door, your heart was hammering in your chest. _This is a terrible idea, what are you doing?_ At the same time, another part of you tried to rationalize the situation. _There’s nothing wrong. These people just don’t take care of their house. You’ll see once you knock and they answer. They might be weird, but not dangerous._ As if… you just wanted to believe you being in danger wasn’t possible.

Now you understood why people made dumb decisions in horror films.

Tentatively, you reached up to ring the doorbell, but before you got the chance, it creaked open, just barely, as if someone had sensed your presence. _Creaked_ open. _Just barely._ The fact that you didn't immediately turn on your heels and run would be so embarrassing later. If you lived, anyway. The other side of the door seemed completely dark… besides one glowing red eye. So the customer was a monster. People didn’t exactly have red eyes, much less glowing ones. Unfortunately, the extremely large red eye did not help your unease. Still, you hoped that smiling as if nothing was wrong would convince your brain that yes, indeed, nothing was wrong. It felt strained, and you could only hope it didn’t look that way.

“Um, hi. I… I have your pizza.”

The red eye looked down at the pizza box in your arms, then back at you, eyeing you suspiciously as if _you_ were the one who was sporting a thousand red flags. The owner of the eye said nothing.

“You… did order a pizza, right?” Maybe they hadn’t, and you were at the wrong place and you could bail. The real customers would complain about cold pizza, but you’d be alive.

“... Yes.”

They said it very slowly, deliberately. Their voice-- or, his voice, he sounded male-- was deep, but not in a warm and welcoming way. This wasn’t Santa Claus’ deep voice.

The door swung all the way open and you honestly expected the inhabitant’s hand to shoot out from the darkness, grabbing your arm and yanking you inside, the pizza forgotten. But they didn’t make any other movements, didn’t even reach their hand out to take the pizza. The light from the street lamps outside the house finally took away the veil of darkness, and you were able to see the entirety of your customer.

Oh my God this was so much worse.

It wasn’t that he was a skeleton. You were used to monsters by now, they’d been free from the Underground for years. Heck, the mascot of the monster race was a skeleton. So a living skeleton didn’t scare you, even if you’d never seen a skeleton in person before. It was just… _What the hell?_ You hadn’t ever seen a monster like… like _this._

Firstly, the red eye was his _only_ eye. His other eye socket was empty. Secondly, there was a massive _hole_ in his skull. Above his one eye. It looked like he’d been seriously injured and just… never gotten treatment? His mouth was sort of locked in a grin-- which made sense, he was a skeleton-- but it just made him look crazed. And his clothes seemed as unkempt as the house he was living(?) in-- they were tattered and stained. Your eyes drifted to a few stains on his shirt, and your heart almost stopped.

Was… was that... _Blood?_

You refused to think about it any more.

You must have been visibly afraid at this point, because his one functioning eye… socket’s… lid lowered in what looked like irritation.

“... It’s rude to stare, you know.”

His speech was still slower than the average person’s. But you could detect sass. It occurred to you that on the off chance he _wasn’t_ a murderer, you probably seemed like a jerk for being visibly afraid of him. Honestly, you felt justified, but it was still mean if he wasn’t dangerous. If he wasn’t, then he was probably sick of people reacting to his appearance like this.

“S… Sorry.” You held out the pizza. _Just take it already._ “Here you go.”

He just looked at it. He looked just a _little_ less creepy with his one eye not all wide, at least. After studying you again, still with an air of suspicion ( _Dude you were the one who ordered the pizza why are you afraid of me just fucking take it_ ), he finally took the pizza box. He then opened it to look inside. You were so eager to leave you almost forgot to charge him. Right, you were doing this in hopes of a tip. (Although seeing as you offended him, you probably weren’t going to get one. _Good job, me._ )

“Um,” you said, and his eye looked back at you. “If there’s nothing wrong, that’ll be--”

Another voice, much louder and higher, called from further inside the house. “SANS? IS SOMEONE AT THE DOOR?”

That had to be the monster’s name. Sans. He said nothing, again. Didn’t even look in a different direction. His eye was just… locked on you. And _he’d_ called _you_ out for staring? At least the eye wasn’t wide anymore….

He was joined by another skeleton, so, _so_ much taller. So tall that his head almost brushed the ceiling of their (admittedly small) house. He actually looked like the monsters’ main mascot… but… also not. Unlike the mascot Papyrus, he had some pretty crooked teeth, so he didn’t look much friendlier than Sans, but at least he looked mostly uninjured compared to his companion. And he didn’t have a giant glowing red eyeball. His smile was also a lot friendlier.

“OH!” he said. “HELLO, HUMAN! WHAT BRINGS YOU HERE?”

Could he not see the uniform you were wearing? “I, uh, came to deliver your pizza.”

“PIZZA?” He looked over at Sans. “SANS, I DID NOT KNOW YOU ORDERED A PIZZA.”

Sans’ mouth was already smiling, but you saw one corner quirk up higher in a genuine smirk.

“... I didn’t.”

_Wait._ “Wait, this is the wrong house?”

He didn’t say another word, just started backing into the shadows of the house again like the creep he was. His companion looked a little bothered by this. “UM, SANS, IF IT IS NOT OUR PIZZA--”

“It’s fine, Paps. She probably won’t take it back anyway.” All you could see was his eye again, and it narrowed at you. “She probably thinks we’re contagious or something.”

_What the heck?_ “No, I don’t, give me the pizza back.”

“... No, I don’t think I will.” His gaze became darker. “I’m not… passing up… on free food.”

Could they… not afford food? He said it like he wouldn’t eat tonight if he didn’t get the pizza. Still though, this wasn’t a charity!

But before you could say any more, the door was slammed in your face. An argument began on the other side, with _“Paps”_ insisting that they give it back. But you… you didn’t have time for this. This wasn’t the hill you wanted to _literally_ die on. Your manager would understand. Heck, he’d probably scold you for even going up to the house in the first place.

So much for that tip.

* * *

You were right about your boss’s response.

He was a good guy. He was… pretty horrified that you’d willingly gone up to that house despite the obvious signs that it was bad news. You’d gotten a good scolding, as if he were your dad or something, but you appreciated it. Even though he knew the customers who’d ordered the pizza would be pissed, he was just glad you were safe. He made a joke about how he’d be in trouble if you went missing on the job, but you knew that he actually cared.

Still, the image of that one red eye was burned into your mind.

At least you had a creepy story to post online?

Since you were still shaken up, the next day felt way better than usual, even though it was just as busy as most weekdays. Nobody had a giant hole in their head, which was nice. Even the meaner customers felt like nothing.

Eventually, there was a delivery to a nice suburban neighborhood nearby. You knew the way there without having to check your GPS, so that was nice. You were able to get there with the pizza box still warm. _Nice._

You knocked on the door and heard some yelling on the other side, followed by the thumping of a pair of feet eagerly making their way towards the door. It was swung open— and for a split second you had a ‘Nam flashback to last night. This guy… had the same shape as the one-eyed creep.

It only took you a millisecond to relax.

Not only was this guy shorter than the last guy— he looked to be a little shorter than you, even— but he looked _significantly_ friendlier. No hole in his head. Good start. He also had a pair of eyes rather than one, and they were shaped like big stars. The grin on his face was more sincere and rounded, and his clothes were immaculately clean. He was dressed almost like… a funny soldier? But in white and blue, and with a big bandanna tied around his neck. He beamed, and you instantly felt a lot better than you had half a second ago.

“HELLO, PIZZA DELIVERY HUMAN!”

You started a bit. Oh geez, this guy was loud. Kind of like the tall guy from last night, actually. Still, you smiled. The big stars in his eyes were endearing. “Hi there.”

“WOWZERS! YOU MADE IT HERE EARLIER THAN EXPECTED! YOU ARE VERY GOOD AT YOUR JOB!”

… For some reason, that made your whole night seem so much better. “Thanks,” you said. “I’ve delivered to this neighborhood a lot of times.”

“YOU HAVE? AW. I’VE NEVER SEEN YOU!” His smile had disappeared for a moment, but it quickly returned in full force. “WHICH IS TOO BAD, BUT NOW I FINALLY HAVE THE CHANCE TO MAKE YOUR ACQUAINTANCE AND BECOME YOUR FRIEND!”

Wow, this little guy moved fast, huh?

A much quieter, more relaxed voice sounded from inside the house. “Already becoming friends, huh?”

“YES, OF COURSE! MAKING FRIENDS IS WHAT I DO BEST! AND I’M GREAT AT EVERYTHING!”

So he had a bit of an ego, but it seemed harmless enough.

“WHAT IS YOUR NAME, HUMAN?” The stars in his eyes somehow got bigger.

“I’m (y/n),” you told him, still smiling. Those big stars really were endearing.

“IT IS GREAT TO MEET YOU, (Y/N)!” He gestured to himself, and somehow the bandanna kind of looked like it was blowing in imaginary wind. “I AM THE MAGNIFICENT SSSSSSSBLUEBERRY.” As he said it he seemed to catch himself, the little lights in his eye sockets shrinking slowly the longer the S sound continued. But he perked up again right after he said it, raising an eyebrow. “I COULD SEE HOW YOU WERE STARING AT ME EARLIER!”

Uh oh. He’d noticed that? He didn’t look pissed about it, so why—

“I CAN TELL THAT YOU OBVIOUSLY FIND ME VERY HANDSOME! WHICH IS NO SURPRISE, SEEING AS I AM!”

Well, that… hadn’t been the assumption you’d been expecting. You felt your face get a little warm, but his confidence was so endearing that you couldn’t be too embarrassed. In fact, you decided to indulge him, _tsk_ ing in disappointment. “Oh boy, I thought I was being subtle about it.”

“YOU WERE NOT, BUT IT IS UNDERSTANDABLE! IT MUST BE HARD NOT TO STARE AT SOMEONE AS DASHING AS MYSELF!”

His smile seemed to soften, and… was he blushing a blue color? Wait, did skeletons have blood? Blue blood? But they were made of magic, right?

“Y… YOU YOURSELF ARE QUITE BEAUTIFUL!”

_… Oh my gosh help he’s so cute._

That same voice from earlier called out, but this time you saw someone approaching the door. “Man, you’re really putting the moves on her, huh? I gotta see this girl if the Magnificent Blueberry’s so interested.”

Blueberry’s blush only got darker, and you got a look at the new stranger. Again, you were hit with a pang of fear that dissipated quickly once you got a better look at him. He looked like the tall guy from last night! But not quite as tall, and cleaner. Not super clean, like Blueberry— the orange hoodie he was wearing had some stains on it. But it was nothing compared to last night. Still, these two looked uncannily similar to the former skeletons. Just if the creepiness was removed and “Sans” was actually super adorable.

“... You OK?”

You realized you’d been staring again. “Oh. Yeah. Sorry. It’s just… You two look… _really_ similar to some guys I met yesterday.”

“OH!” said Blueberry. “DID YOU MEET VANILLA?”

_Who?_ “Um,” you said, “no. These guys were creepy.” You winked. “Unlike you.”

Blueberry blushed again, which seemed to amuse his companion as much as it did you. Still, said companion looked further into the house.

“Was it Red and Edge?”

Blueberry frowned. “I’M SORRY YOU HAD TO DEAL WITH THEM. WE’LL TELL THEM TO LEAVE YOU ALONE.”

_Nope, not them either._ “Oh, uh, no. I’ve never delivered to this house before. These guys were living outside of the city. Even their house was creepy.”

They seemed surprised and even exchanged a glance, but they relaxed quickly and the taller one held his free hand out. You noticed the other one was holding a cigarette in between two fingers.

“Well, my name’s Stretch.”

You focused on shaking his free hand rather than wondering how a skeleton could smoke if they didn’t have lungs. “Nice to meet you.” You swore these were the friendliest customers you’d ever had.

“It’s _berry_ nice to meet you too,” he replied with a silly, contagious grin.

Blueberry responded by making a loud, indescribable noise of indignation. “PAPY! REALLY?”

“Sorry, buddy. Couldn’t resist.” He looked at you for a second. “I see why you were flirting with her, bro. She’s definitely something.”

You could tell he was (mostly) kidding, but your face still heated up when he gave you a casual wink. Not sure how to respond (you weren’t fantastic at witty banter), you held their pizza out to them. “Hey, I bet this is getting cold.”

“Oh yeah,” said Stretch, and took the box of pizza. “Man, that smells good.”

Blueberry put his hands on his hips. “MY BROTHER EATS TOO MUCH GREASY FOOD! I USUALLY EAT MUCH BETTER! IT’S IMPORTANT TO KEEP YOUR BODY FIT!” He grinned. “BUT TODAY IS MY CHEAT DAY!”

He let out a funny laugh— “MWEH HEH HEH!”— and you were pretty sure your heart was going to explode.

On a more observant note… so they were brothers. It made you wonder if the guys from last night were also brothers, but it made no sense to make assumptions like that. Those guys were a separate set of people. It’s not like these two were actually the same guys.

Even if they really, _really_ had a weird resemblance to each other…

“We’ll let you get back to work,” said Stretch. “I bet we’ve distracted you for long enough. We paid online, right, bro?”

“YES!” said Blueberry. The soft blue color returned to his cheeks. “BUT, UM… I— I WAS WONDERING IF PERHAPS I COULD ASK YOU SOMETHING.”

You? “Sure, Blueberry, anything.”

He beamed, no longer looking shy. “IT WOULD BE WONDERFUL IF YOU COULD GIVE THE MAGNIFICENT BLUEBERRY YOUR NUMBER! FRIENDS SHOULD KEEP IN TOUCH!”

You actually hesitated. He seemed like he had a crush on you— which was kind of flattering, in a way— but you didn’t want to lead him on. That said, he had called you his friend. But he had thought you were admiring him earlier…

To be safe, you decided to respond with, “Sure. Platonically.”

Thankfully, he didn’t seem disappointed at all. “OF COURSE! AS I SAID EARLIER, MAKING FRIENDS IS MY SPECIALTY!”

He pulled out his phone and held it out to you, and you put your number in before handing it back. He seemed thrilled.

“THANK YOU!”

You smiled. “No problem,” you told him.

Stretch spoke up: “Mind if I text you too? Any friend of my bro’s is a friend of mine.”

He shrugged casually, so he didn’t seem to mean anything by it either. “Sure.”

“Thanks.”

“OOH!” said Blueberry. “I ALMOST FORGOT THE TIP! I AM SO SORRY!”

He pulled out some money from his pocket and handed it to you. “Thanks,” you said, casually glancing at it— _Wait, is that a twenty-dollar bill!?_

“Um!” you said. “I think you gave me the wrong bill.” You showed it to him.

He cocked his head, seeming confused. “NO, IT’S THE RIGHT BILL!”

You looked back at it, then back at him.

_This man is an angel._

“Thank you,” you told him. _Seriously, you have no idea._

“IT IS NO PROBLEM FOR ALL OF YOUR TROUBLE!” He beamed. “HAVE A GOOD REST OF YOUR NIGHT! THANK YOU FOR THE PIZZA!”

Stretch casually saluted you with two fingers. “See ya.”

You waved, and once the door closed you realized just how wide your smile was. _Man. This was so much better than last night._

Well, time to get back to work. But the rest of your night would feel brighter from here.

When you got home, you checked your phone to find several messages. You could see that both threads were from unknown numbers, and that one had way more messages than the other. The first one was also from way earlier in the night than the other.

**Unknown number** : HELLO, (Y/N)! IT’S ME, BLUEBERRY!

**Unknown number:** I HOPE YOU HAD A GOOD DAY! I FORGOT TO ASK HOW YOUR DAY WAS!

**Unknown number:** THE PIZZA WAS REALLY GOOD!

**Unknown number:** WOW, I JUST REALIZED HOW LATE YOU WORK! DO YOU WORK ALL NIGHT? THAT SOUNDS HARD!

**Unknown number:** MY BROTHER COULD NEVER WORK THAT MUCH! ALL HE DOES IS SLEEP ALL THE TIME!

**Unknown number:** BUT I LOVE HIM!

**Unknown number:** ANYWAY, I HOPE YOU’RE DOING ALRIGHT! AND THAT YOU’RE NOT READING THESE WHILE YOU’RE DRIVING! YOU SHOULD PAY ATTENTION TO THE ROAD! GOODNIGHT!

That was really sweet. He was obviously not asking you about how you were to be polite, he cared. It made you feel special. So you went ahead and added him to your contacts. You considered some type of pun, but seeing as Blue didn’t seem to like puns, you instead added him as “Mweh Heh Heh!” The laugh was just… too cute.

You responded by telling him your night was good, you hoped theirs was too, you were glad they liked the pizza, and that yes, your job could be rough.

You checked the other thread.

**Unknown number:** hey.

You snorted. There was no need to guess who that was. Well, you wanted to use a pun for him, but… Stretch….

You settled for “Orange You Stretch?” and did your best to give him a snarky reply.

**You** : You’re chatty, huh?

Alright. Now was the time to go to bed. At least you’d made some new friends.

You could never have too many of those.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> She boutta have a lot more.


	2. Shameless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone has no concept of personal space or not hitting on someone the second you meet. I'm sure you can figure out who that is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm glad people liked the first chapter to this! It's been fun to write. I hope you guys continue to enjoy it!

The next day, you got better sleep, and the incident with the creepy skeletons had been mostly forgotten. But it was Friday. Which meant lots of deliveries.

Thankfully, when you saw that one was at the same house from last night, you smiled. It seemed like Blueberry and Stretch had roommates, but maybe you would see them again.

So you headed over, your mood already improving, and rang the doorbell.

After a few moments, the door opened, and… That was neither Blueberry nor Stretch. But oh my gosh, did all skeletons come in one of two body types or something? This guy had the same build as Blueberry and the potential serial killer from two days ago. This time, he was about your height. But besides build and face shape, he looked completely different. Mostly in regards to aesthetic.  _ The early 2000s called, they want their edge back.  _ He was in all black and red— a red turtleneck sweater covered by a black and red jacket, with a fur trim around the hood. It was a  _ lot _ of fur, too. It actually looked pretty warm and comfy. The pair of black sneakers he was wearing had weird red designs on the side. They looked like… skulls, maybe? But not human skulls. Like dragon skulls, or something. You turned your attention back to his face. The lights in his eyes weren’t star-shaped, like Blueberry’s. They were pinpricks of crimson light. Like the others, being a skeleton meant his teeth were always showing, and  _ Holy crap those teeth are sharp.  _ They looked like they belonged to some kind of predator, like a shark, or a tiger, or…

A low whistle. You quit looking him over and payed attention to his actual facial expression, which was just as predatory as his teeth. His eyes were lidded and his grin had widened. Wait, did he have a gold tooth?

“Hey there, sweetheart,” he crooned. He had some kind of accent, like a Brooklyn drawl. His voice was really low, but not like the creep’s from two days ago. His was more of a… husky kind of low. 

It definitely wasn’t sexy or anything.

Right, he was being extremely forward. You tried to think of a way to protest. Your first thought was to give him a glare, and your brow even furrowed a little, but you weren’t sure if he was just trying to get a rise out of you. If that was the case, getting angry would only egg him on. You opened your mouth to just, say  _ something _ , but you had hesitated for too long.

“What’s the matter? You afraid?” His voice somehow got deeper. “You ain’t gotta be afraid of me, babe.”

He was definitely giving you heavy bedroom eyes, and… had the lights in his eyes gotten bigger?

“You got a name,” he said in his baritone voice, “or can I call you mine tonight?”

What a stupid pickup line-- _Why is my face hot?_ _Just… just answer his question._ “I’m (y/n),” you told him, before realizing that you’d had no obligation to tell him your name whatsoever.

He purred out your name, taking a step closer. You instinctively stepped back. “Y’know… I was hoping for somethin‘ tasty, and I gotta say, you definitely  _ delivered. _ ”

_ Was that a… _ He winked. Yes, it was a pun.

( _ Like Stretch, _ you noted.)

Right, the pizza. You held the box out to him, like some sort of offering to appease him, but he didn’t take it. He just stepped closer again. You tried to take another step back, but the doorstep was narrow and you were trying not to trip and fall backward. At least there was no wall for him to pin you to.

“I wasn’t talkin’ about the food, doll.”

At this point you were both outside the house. He was still giving you those eyes. As if he had no idea what personal space was, he reached around and placed his hand on the small of your back. You could easily push him away, but there was some horrible, primal part of you that was, unfortunately, kind of, um… interested. To see how this would go.

“Although I gotta say… I wouldn’t mind eating you.”

Another soft purr came from the back of his throat and… you were definitely not turned on right now. Your face was just burning because… this was awkward. Yeah.

He leaned closer.

“Sweetheart… if you wanna come inside for a while, you can.”

“I have work,” you managed.  _ Oh come on, that wasn’t even a real rejection, you idiot. Say no! _

“Don’t worry about that. I can make it quick.” He moved close to your ear, and he spoke in a low whisper. “For both of us~”

This guy lived with  _ Blueberry _ and  _ Stretch _ ?

OK, that was enough. Well, it had been enough a long time ago, but you finally forced yourself to put your hand on his shoulder to push him away. At first, he seemed to think the touch was reciprocation, because he let out a—  _ Did he just growl!? _ — and brought his teeth close to your lips.

You shoved him off, hard.

“I said no,” you told him firmly, doing your best to ignore your burning face and give him a stern look. “I’m not interested.”  _ Oh yeah, sure, definitely not interested, of course he thought you were interested your face was probably begging him for more, this is sad, have some dignity. _

He looked surprised for a second— then his face turned pink and he backed off. He was still smiling, but it looked a bit awkward.

“Oh. S… sorry, sweetheart.”

Huh. He actually seemed a bit sorry. The  _ “sweetheart”  _ seemed somehow casual, so it actually didn’t bother you. Still, you tried to fix his gaze with your own, to recover your lost pride.

His sharp-toothed grin returned, but it seemed playful this time.

“I shoulda introduced myself before doing that. Where are my manners?”

OK, you didn’t need to smile right now. You bit the insides of your cheeks.

He held his hand out. “Name’s Red, doll.” More of those lidded eyes. They were… oddly effective. Your face was still red, you could feel it.

“Nice to meet you,” you said, although you weren’t sure how true that was. If Blue was an angel, this guy was a little imp who’d crawled out of hell. In fact, you were a bit hesitant about taking his hand— was this a trick of some sort?— but eventually you did.

He just shook. No trick. You sighed inwardly.

Red cocked his head, still smiling. “You worried I was gonna hurt ya or somethin’? Nah, I reserve the buzzer fer people I don’t like.” He winked. “But I like you, doll.”

You realized you needed to swallow, so you did.

“You should see yer face,” he said.  _ Oh, no.  _ “I’m not sure I’ve ever seen someone’s face that red.”

He didn’t touch you again, but he did lean close, flashing you those sharp teeth.

“I love that color on you, sweetheart.”

He finally, gently took the pizza from your hands. His hands  _ accidentally _ brushed against yours and you felt angry with yourself when that set off a spark of electricity.

“Ya sure maybe ya can’t come back sometime? I’d love to...  _ talk _ ... again.” Another wink.

You tried not to look too frazzled, and instead attempted to relieve the heavy but  _ totally not _ sexual tension with a casual response. “You’re a real ladies’ man, huh?”

“Hmm.” He pretended to think. “Not sure about ‘ladies’ man,’ per se.”

His eyes lidded again and if you thought he’d been giving you bedroom eyes before…  _ Oh boy. _

“But ladies like  _ you _ ...”

He got close again, his voice quiet.

“You drive me  _ wild _ .”

You swallowed again and managed to make eye contact. That… that seemed like actual lust in his eyelights.

“I got yer tip, but I’m thinkin’... I could maybe add a little somethin’ to it.” His predatory grin widened. “Some…  _ non-monetary _ payment.”

A low chuckle and he brought his face so close that your lips were almost touching his teeth. You knew you should feel offended, but it was weird, everything he was doing managed to come across more smooth than vulgar. Not to mention, the, uh, deep voice…. Great, your face was hot again.

You felt one of his hands rest on your waist, and he spoke softly, his breath fanning against your lips.

“You want some, ba—“

“SANS!” yelled another voice from the house , and Red  _ immediately _ moved away from you, his eye lights shrinking until they were little dots. Did he look scared? He looked scared. “ARE YOU FLIRTING WITH THE DELIVERY HUMAN!?”

Red’s face turned… well, red. “Ahah… N— nah, Boss.” His grin looked nervous and you noticed several beads of sweat forming on his forehead.  _ Skeletons can sweat?  _ “Wh… why would I do that…?”

You bit the insides of your cheeks again. But had that other familiar voice called him  _ Sans _ …?

There was the loud stomping of boots and a tall figure that  _ freaking looked just like Stretch and Paps and Papyrus _ stormed through the doorway. Wow, Red dressed like an edgelord, but this guy was next level. It was like looking at a cartoon villain. He had red gloves and boots, leather pants… the whole shabang. He had a scar over his left eye, which did actually look like it hurt. His teeth were also sharp.  _ This must be Edge.  _ You could see where his nickname came from— the two skeletons looked more ridiculous than scary.

“BECAUSE YOU ARE A DISGUSTING PERVERT IS WHY!”

OK, maybe  _ disgusting pervert  _ was going a little too far? Just a little? He had quit when you’d told him to. Sort of.

… Not that you’d done a lot of protesting.  _ Ugh, I thought I was above this. _

Red was sweating even harder than before, and he looked legitimately terrified when Edge picked him up by the hood and lifted him in the air, using only one arm. Dang, this guy was strong.

“I… I’m sorry, Boss!” Red stammered, but he wasn’t making eye contact with his… boss?... or you. “I… I didn’t mean tah—“

“DIDN’T MEAN TO WHAT? TRY TO BED HER IMMEDIATELY? HAVE YOU NO  _ STANDARDS _ , SANS?”

Hey, what the hell was  _ that _ supposed to mean?

OK, Red actually looked scared. As much as he deserved some karma for ignoring the concept of personal space, you didn’t want that karma to consist of getting beaten up by someone much bigger than him. Maybe Red was exaggerating, but something told you that Edge’s punishment would be really painful.

So, against your better judgement, you said, “No, no! He didn’t do anything!”

Edge looked at you skeptically, and Red turned to you with a remarkably vulnerable look of surprise. Man, for a guy with such intimidating features he looked really helpless right now, especially compared to what he’d been like mere seconds before.

“THEN WHY IS YOUR FACE RED?” barked Edge.

_ Seriously? It’s still red? _ “Um…. I… had two deliveries in this neighborhood, and… I’m tired from walking.”

Edge eyed you for a couple of more moments, then unceremoniously dropped Red onto the ground. He was lucky he didn’t land right on the pizza, but that looked like it had really hurt.

“PATHETIC! YOU HUMANS AND YOUR FRAIL BODIES!”

Red got up off the ground, but continued cowering. What was their relationship to each other? Was Red like… Edge’s evil henchman or something?

“YOUR FRAIL… SMALL… DELICATE BODIES.”

_ …. OK. _

He seemed to shake himself out of a stupor. “ _ ALMOST _ AS PATHETIC AS MY IDIOT BROTHER! BUT HE SOMEHOW MANAGES TO TOP HUMANS ON THE WEAKNESS SCALE!”

Red said nothing.  _ What the… _ These two were brothers too? Did you need to call someone about this or something? This seemed really abusive. Yeah, Red was kind of sleazy, but… still.

“COME, SANS! YOU’RE LUCKY I’M NOT THROWING YOUR DISGUSTING FOOD AWAY!”

Red glanced at you, then said, “I— I haven’t given ‘er the tip yet, Boss.”

“FINE, IF YOU  _ INSIST  _ ON GIVING HER A TIP!”

Alright, you officially hated this guy.

“BUT HURRY UP, AND IF I HEAR A SINGLE ONE OF YOUR MISERABLE PICKUP LINES YOU WILL FACE THE WRATH OF THE TERRIBLE PAPYRUS!”

”S… Sure thing, Boss.”

_ Papyrus. _

_ Sans and Papyrus. _

Who were like… the Sans and “Paps” you met two days ago. Paps was short for Papyrus.

Who looked so similar to Blueberry and Stretch.

And Blueberry had called Stretch “Papy”....

No… No way. There was no way. They couldn’t be… That didn’t even make sense.

“Hey.”

You were snapped out of your thoughts by Red’s voice, and you looked at him to see that he was holding some money. Edge was gone, so he looked less vulnerable than before, but you could still see some fear in his eyes.

Man, this had gotten really depressing.

“Thanks fer… lyin’ back there, sweetheart. Ya really saved my ass.”

So yeah, the pet names were casual. “No problem,” you said. “Your brother seems like a jerk.”

He frowned. “N— Nah, he ain’t! Boss is… He’s cool.”

_ Uh, no, he’s not. _

He held out a dollar and a few cents. “Boss made me calculate the minimum tip and not give you any more. S… sorry.”

“Hey,” you said, “it’s no big deal. Thank you.”

He smiled again. “No problem.”

There was a moment of awkward silence as he seemed to think. He glanced nervously back at the door.

_ No way, you are not going to try anything. You wouldn’t dare. _

“So… I was thinkin’...”

You raised an eyebrow suspiciously, and he grinned.

“Aw, babe, you don’t trust me at all, do ya?” He shrugged. “But that’s fair. I just wanted tah ask fer your number s’all.” He glanced at the door again.

Why did you  _ want _ to give him your number?

“You’re not gonna send me flirty texts,” you told him. It was a statement, not a question.

“No promises,” he said with a wink.

You thought a moment, then sighed and held out your hand. He looked genuinely excited (his… his eyes were kind of cute when they were all big and happy) and he handed you his phone, glancing at the doorway nervously the entire time you typed in your number. When you handed it back, he tucked it away and gave you another wink, making those eyes again.

“See ya, beautiful.”

He went back into the house. How long had you been talking to them? Geez. You needed to get back to work.

The entire rest of the night you just chided yourself. Seriously? Seriously. You had almost let this complete stranger— you hadn’t even known his  _ name! _ — start making out with you like he was your boyfriend or something. No, no. It was his fault! He’d probably done it a million times before! The voice, the eyes, it had all been calculated. He’d known what he was doing! It wasn’t your fault. Especially since you’d never been hit on so unabashedly before.

Just… hopefully he’d never answer the door to the house again.

When you got home, you checked your messages and responded to Blueberry and Stretch. Blueberry was still the talkative one, and as it turned out, he knew what had happened. Sort of.

**Mweh-Heh-Heh!:** HEY (Y/N)! RED TOLD US THAT YOU CAME TO DELIVER PIZZA! AND YOU MET EACH OTHER! IT’S FUNNY IT WAS YOU BOTH TIMES!

**Mweh-Heh-Heh!:** I HOPE HE WASN’T TOO MEAN. HE AND EDGE ARE SOMETIMES. I DON’T THINK THEY’RE BAD BECAUSE EVERYBODY’S GOT SOME GOOD IN THEM, BUT THEY NEED TO WORK ON THEIR PEOPLE SKILLS!

Understatement of the year.

**Mweh-Heh-Heh!:** BUT DON’T WORRY! ME AND SOME OTHERS ARE HELPING THEM! IF THEY BOTHER YOU, JUST LET ME KNOW! THE MAGNIFICENT BLUEBERRY WILL TAKE CARE OF IT!

Aw. Blueberry had so much faith in others. It was nice to see that not everybody got sort of jaded when they grew up. Not that you were a cynic, but some days it’s hard to believe in people.

He also had an inquiry.

**Mweh-Heh-Heh!:** ALSO, I WAS MAYBE WONDERING IF YOU COULD TELL ME ABOUT THOSE CREEPY GUYS YOU MET!

You had no problem telling him that story. But first you replied to his former messages.

**You:** Don’t worry, Red was nice. He flirted with me, but he was nice. Edge wasn’t mean to me, but he was to Red.

**You:** And there’s only two drivers at my restaurant, so if you order from there it’s almost guaranteed to be me. :)

Then you told him all about the weird skeletons you’d delivered pizza to, and the conversation you’d had. It was a very long message consisting of several paragraphs, but there was no way to convey the spookiness of the experience by just summing everything up.

Moving on, you saw that you also had a couple of new messages from a different number.

**Unknown number:** heya doll~

**Unknown number:** i bet you’re tired. cuz you’ve been running through my head all night~

Aaaand that was definitely Red. How were you even supposed to respond to that? You managed to think of something, that being 

**You:** How original. I guess you’re gonna ask me what I’m wearing next?

You decided to make his name “Red Devil,” since it was the most accurate description for him you could think of. Apparently he wasn’t asleep and had nothing else to do, because you got an immediate response:

**Red Devil:** what? me? i’d ~never~

**Red Devil:** unless you want me to. you want me to~?

**Red Devil:** what are you wearing? ;)

_ Oh my gosh. _

**You:** I’m wearing pajamas because I need to go to bed, soooo goodnight.

**Red Devil:** that’s hot

**Red Devil** : sure thing, sweetheart.

**Red Devil:** dream of me, ok? i’ll dream of you~

What had you gotten into with this guy? You were going to need to immediately remind him of what you’d said about flirtatious texts.

But you would do that tomorrow.

You would also confront someone about the… fact?... that these skeletons were all the same two people. It sounded insane, you knew that, but at this rate, it being a coincidence was almost more insane.

This had gone from 0 to 100 pretty fast.

Surely this was 100, right?

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boi needs to go to horny jail. I like him best when he's written as smooth rather than a gross perv, though.
> 
> Also, in case you didn't know, I gots [a tumblr](https://shyneanon.tumblr.com), where I post sfw one-shots and take requests. Check me out if you're on Tumblr. Seeing as this chapter was about Red and Edge, [here's a one-shot](https://shyneanon.tumblr.com/post/637787362949251073/this-is-probably-a-dumb-prompt-but-its-a-cold) about Reader gaming with Red.


	3. The Gang's All Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well, almost. But more importantly, you want answers, and you're gonna get some, dangit.

The next night, there was another order for the same house. This time, though, it was a delivery of three pizzas at once. These guys sure did eat a lot for skeletons.

By this point, you had recounted your experiences with the skeletons to your coworkers, and your boss had decided you may as well be the one to consistently deliver to them, since they seemed to enjoy your company. You were pretty happy to drive over to the house, and you resisted the urge to check your phone while driving. When you arrived, you did check— and you were glad, because you did have a couple of messages that were applicable to the situation.

**Red Devil:** hey sweetheart, it’d be really appreciated if you didn’t tell anyone i have your number.

**Red Devil:** since boss told me not to flirt with you i technically shouldn’t have it.

Right. You hadn’t thought about that. You’d make sure not to mention it.

You were happy to ring the doorbell, but were a bit startled when the door was opened almost immediately, by Red, who gave you a sultry grin. _Oh no._

“Hey there baby—“

“HI (Y/N)!” called Blueberry, running into view and almost knocking Red aside. Red looked irritated. Then again, it made sense that someone like him would sometimes get annoyed by the bundle of sunshine that was Blueberry. “HOW ARE YOU?”

“I’m doing good,” you said with a smile. “How about you guys?”

“I’M DOING GREAT!” said Blueberry.

Red leaned on the doorframe. “A lot better now that you’re here, sweetheart.” He winked. Your face got a little warm, but it was probably the tamest thing he’d said to you, so you didn’t blush too hard.

Blueberry seemed to be both confused and annoyed. “... YEAH. WE’RE ALL DOING BETTER NOW THAT YOU’RE HERE!”

The corner of Red’s mouth quirked up in a strange grin.

“Well,” you said, “I unfortunately can’t stay for long. But I have your pizzas.”

“AW,” said Blueberry.

Red raised a brow. “When d’ya even get off work, gorgeous?”

N… new nickname. You felt your face get hot. “I mean, usually midnight at the earliest.”

He grimaced. “Geez, babe, you’ve gotta get a new job.”

Blueberry put his hands on his hips. “RED, THAT’S NO WAY TO SPEAK TO A LADY.”

“What? What the hell did I say?”

“ALL THE NICKNAMES! THOSE AREN’T LADYLIKE NICKNAMES!”

Red rolled his eyes. “Ah, whadda you know?”

“Hey,” you said, “I’m fine with the nicknames as long as he’s not a creep about it. But thank you, Blueberry.”

Blueberry looked surprised, and Red relaxed, his smug smile growing. Were they… fighting over you or something? No way. Well, maybe, but Red was just being… Red. Blueberry and Stretch had automatically assumed he would flirt with you, and it would make sense for someone like him to make it some kind of dumb competition. It probably had nothing to do with you specifically.

“OOH!” said Blueberry. “YOU HAVEN’T MET THE OTHER TWO OF US!” He called into the house. “SANS! PAPYRUS! COME OVER HERE!”

You almost dropped the boxes of pizza when a skeleton much like Red and Blue walked into your line of sight. It was… Wait, no, it wasn’t Serial Killer. But he looked almost exactly the same. Even more so than the others.

It was like Serial Killer, but if he’d healed his wounds, gotten two white lights similar to Red’s for eyes, and washed his clothes. And he was shorter— about your height, like Red. But that was… literally it. Besides that, he was completely identical.

“You OK, kiddo?”

That was him. His voice was lighter compared to Serial Killer’s, and just a bit higher than Red’s. It was still very deep, though. You snapped out of your stupor. “Yeah, I… You just look almost _exactly_ like…”

He grinned a very ridiculous grin. “Him? And him?” He gestured to Blueberry and Red respectively. “Yeah, I do. This is why we agreed to only come to the door _one at a time._ ” He eyed Blueberry and Red with an unsettling look, still smiling, and they both grinned nervously. He wasn’t as scary as Serial Killer, but he’d suddenly gotten a creepy air to him. Even the smile looked… unnerving.

His facial expression quickly relaxed and he shrugged. “We’re cousins.”

_… Yeah, no._

A second skeleton appeared in the doorway, tall, like Edge and Stretch.

“HELLO, HUMAN!”

He was like… Wait, no, he _was_ Papyrus. The mascot. You blinked several times.

“P… Papyrus?” You caught yourself and smiled awkwardly. “M-- Mister Papyrus. Wow. Hi.”

Papyrus beamed. “THERE IS NO NEED! YOU MAY CALL ME PAPYRUS! IN FACT, I ENCOURAGE IT!” His own funny laugh: “NYEH HEH HEH!”

_Nyeh heh heh._

_Mweh heh heh._

“THESE ARE SANS AND PAPYRUS!” said Blueberry.

Before you could think better of it, you said, “Yeah, I know. You’re all Sans and Papyrus.”

All of the Sans’ grins faltered, and so did Papyrus’. Sans’ smile quickly returned, but it looked strained. Yeah, suspicions basically confirmed.

“... What?” he said, in a tone that clearly was intended to mean that the very idea was ridiculous. But you know what? You’d said it. You were going to commit.

“You’re all the same two people. Like… copies of each other or something.” You felt kind of lame for having figured out that they were the same people, but not how that was possible.

Sans glanced back and forth between Red and Blueberry, as if requesting them to fess up.

“It wasn’t them,” you said. “It was Red’s brother. He kept calling Red ‘Sans’ and then he called himself Papyrus.” You decided not to mention Blue calling his brother Papy. You didn’t want Blueberry to get in trouble. But Edgelord could get in trouble just fine.

Sans’ look became less creepy and more exasperated.

“Of course he did,” he muttered. He seemed to hesitate a moment, then said, “Well, we don’t have a backup lie, and it’s not like any would be convincing anyway, so… You got us, I guess. We’re all the same two people.”

Seeing that Sans had relaxed, Red turned to you with a cheeky grin. “Now we’re gonna have to kill ya.”

You snorted, although a part of you did worry. Still, you had to ask, “How?”

Blueberry started, “WE’RE ALL FROM--”

“You know more than enough,” interrupted Sans.

“BUT VANILLA,” said Blueberry, “SHE’S THE ONE WHO TOLD US ABOUT THE OTHER US-ES LIVING OUTSIDE OF TOWN!” His face turned a slight blue. “AND SHE’S NICE, AND I THINK WE CAN TRUST HER!”

Something in that declaration seemed to make a difference to Sans, because he blinked before turning to you. “Oh yeah. You’re the one who delivered pizza to those other guys?”

“Yeah,” you said.

“Where are they?”

You opened your mouth to answer, then hesitated.

“... Hm,” you said. “I’m afraid we don’t give out the personal information of our customers.”

You saw Red’s grin grow. He raised a brow at you. When he noticed you looking at him, he winked. _Why is my face hot again how does he do that--_

“I thought they ended up not being customers,” said Sans.

Valid point.

“I mean yeah,” you said, “but I literally don’t know you. How do I know you’re not going to do something terrible to them?”

“You said they could be serial killers.”

“And what if they’re not?” You raised your eyebrows. “What if _you_ are?”

Red snickered. Blueberry and Papyrus just looked confused.

“What do you want?” asked Sans, who looked significantly less amused than Red.

“Simple,” you said with a shrug. “I want in.” You grinned. “I mean, this is too weird. I have to know what happens next.”

“Absolutely not.”

“OK,” you said with a shrug. “Then good luck finding the house. And if they’re hopping around to avoid staying anywhere too long, good luck knowing that they were ever in the house in the first place.” You… didn’t really mean it, you would give him information even if he turned you down. It was probably kind of mean to lie like this, but the idea of having to just shrug everything off and never hear about it again… No way.

Blueberry, Red and Papyrus all looked over at Sans, whose eyelights were flicking back and forth. He seemed to be searching for an argument with no holes in it.

When he didn’t say anything, Red said, “Checkmate,” which earned him a slight glare from Sans.

“Look,” you said. You didn’t want to be Sans’ enemy here. He didn’t seem like Edge, or Serial Killer. And you preferred to have as few enemies as possible. Hoping that, like Red and Stretch, he enjoyed wordplay, you wracked your brain for a pun and then said, “I’m just doing this because I’m feeling… _bone_ ly.”

Red let out a few laughs. Blueberry and Papyrus both groaned in unison. Before he could stop himself, Sans grinned a silly grin and snickered. Everyone looked at him, and his face turned a slight blue of embarrassment. He coughed. So his intimidating persona was just covering up someone much more relaxed. Got it. He was probably just worried about an outside force intruding. Which was reasonable.

“You don’t need to tell me any more,” you said. “I just want a nice excuse to keep hanging out with you guys. You seem fun, and I need more friends.” You added, “And, yeah, I don’t think the creeps I met should go unsupervised.”

“Aw, babe,” said Red. “Y’don’t need an excuse tah see us. Ya can come over any time.” His grin turned sly and his voice deepened. “‘N maybe you can come up to my room for a while.” Another wink. “I’ll do _anything_ you want.”

“RED,” said Blueberry, “DO YOU HAVE ANY DECENCY AT ALL?”

“Sure,” he said. “She jus’ makes it all go away.”

You rolled your eyes, but sure enough, your face was warm again.

“Leave her alone,” said Sans.

“What? It’s just our version of witty banter. Right, dollface?”

You squinted, but smiled. “We’ll see about that.”

“D’aww. Why d’ya hafta play with my heart like this?”

Blueberry turned blue. “H… HEY. SHE’S NICE, SHE WOULDN’T LEAD ANYBODY ON!”

You’d like to think you wouldn’t, no. But you interrupted. “It’s OK. Red’s just being Red, he means nothing by it.”

You saw Red’s smile falter. He… _did_ mean nothing by it, right?

“Also,” said Sans, “no, she may not come over whenever she likes.”

Blueberry frowned. “WHAT? WHY NOT? SHE’S OUR FRIEND!”

He really did move fast with friends.

“Yeah,” said Red, “‘n she already knows.”

Another voice called out. “What’s going on?”

Stretch. You smiled as he walked into view. “Hey,” you said.

“Oh, hey. What’s up?” He looked at Sans. “I thought we were all supposed to come to the door individually.”

“Too late,” said Sans with a defeated shrug.

“SHE FIGURED OUT WE’RE ALL DIFFERENT VERSIONS OF EACH OTHER!” said Blue before, yet again, letting a light blue dust his cheeks. “SHE’S SO SMART.”

It didn’t really take a genius to figure that out, but you’d take the compliment.

“I’d call her brave for accusing us of it,” said Stretch, “considering it sounds so crazy.”

“I’m either brave or stupid,” you agreed.

“Or crazy, and you just got lucky.” Stretch winked, and for some reason you felt your face get warm. You saw everyone raise a brow at him, which was a little weird, but you thought nothing of it.

“I should go,” you said.

Sans started, “Hey, we made an agreement--”

“We did. I’ll drive you there tomorrow. I don’t have work.”

He squinted. “Since when was that part of the deal?”

“I said I want in. Just giving you the info you want isn’t really being in, is it?”

Sans sighed, and you decided to try and make amends. You balanced the pizza boxes on one arm and held your hand out.

“Hey,” you said, “I think we’re getting off on the wrong foot here.” You smiled. “I’m (y/n). It’s nice to meet you.”

He just looked at you, no longer with a hostile expression… and then a lot of tension seemed to leave his body. Yeah, the scariness was a facade he’d felt he’d needed to put on. He headed over and Blueberry and Red made room for him in the doorway. He took your hand, his grin now much more lazy and endearing.

“Nice to meet you, pal.” He winked, but it wasn’t like Red’s suggestive winks. “I’m Sans. Sans the skeleton.”

You held out the pizza boxes to him. “Might my offering please you, good sir?”

He snorted, but took the boxes. “Thanks, kid.”

You decided to let him and the others make the rest of the decisions regarding your quest to find Serial Killer and his friendlier brother. “When’s a good time for me to come pick you guys up?”

“EARLIER IN THE DAY WOULD BE PREFERABLE,” Papyrus spoke up. “WE HAVE NO IDEA HOW LONG THE SEARCH MIGHT TAKE.”

Red, Sans, and Stretch all made small groans of disappointment. Blue and Papyrus put their hands on their hips.

“YOU’RE SO LAZY, PAPY!” said Blueberry. “THIS IS AN IMPORTANT MISSION!”

Then a voice you’d been hoping not to hear: “WHAT IS ALL THAT NOISE!?”

And in stormed Edge.

“Hi,” you said reluctantly.

He looked you up and down. “YOU AGAIN? WHY ARE _YOU_ HERE?”

_Why do you think?_

You let your voice drip with sarcasm. You didn’t like making enemies but… _This guy._ “Why, to see you, of course. I just couldn’t stay away.”

Red, Sans and Stretch all held back snickers. Blueberry seemed to be trying to figure out whether that had been sarcasm, and Papyrus just seemed worried about Edge’s potential response.

Edge, to your surprise, turned pink. He then coughed.

“WELL, OF COURSE. IT IS INEVITABLE THAT SOMEONE LIKE YOU WOULD FIND YOURSELF MADLY IN LOVE WITH ME.”

Well. That had backfired badly.

Blueberry seemed to be glancing back and forth between the two of you, and you couldn’t tell if it was confusion or concern. Red cringed slightly.

“BUT, OF COURSE, I, THE TERRIBLE PAPYRUS—“

“ _Edge_ ,” corrected Sans, his voice taking on that slightly unsettling tone again.

“... I, THE TERRIBLE _EDGE_ , DO HAVE _ACTUAL_ STANDARDS.”

“What a tragedy,” you said in a deadpan voice, and Red tried to disguise a laugh with a cough.

“YES, I AM SURE YOU ARE DEVASTATED—“

“How does eight sound?” you said, cutting him off. You didn’t have time for him.

Edge looked like he’d been punched in the gut (if he’d had guts). That brought you a bit of satisfaction.

Sans sighed. “Yeah, my bro’s right, we should start looking early. We have no idea what we may or may not find.”

You smiled. “We could stop for breakfast on the way. That way we can all sleep in a little later.”

“Great idea,” Red, Stretch and Sans all said at the same time. Papyrus and Blueberry rolled their eyelights.

“Alright,” you said. “Well, I gotta go. See you guys.”

“Jus’ one second,” said Red, and you eyed him suspiciously. He grinned. “Relax, sweet stuff, I was jus’ thinkin’ that maybe I could have yer number.”

Right, he was pretending he didn’t have it yet. You noticed that the others seemed to be watching intently for your response. That was reasonable. This _was_ Red. But you didn’t mind him _too_ much. And he already had your number anyway.

“Yeah, sure,” you said, taking his phone as he held it out. “But _no_ flirty texts,” you warned him _again_ , giving him a knowing look.

“ _No promises_ ,” he responded, raising his brows at you. Oh, so that had actually been an _“I don’t care I’m gonna do it anyway.”_ Whatever, they were harmless. You pretended to type something in and then handed the phone right back to him.

“I’ll see you guys later,” you said.

They were still eyeing Red, almost with a strange annoyance, but when you said goodbye they all smiled and gave you their own farewells. Even Sans.

Sans and Papyrus left to go eat their pizza, but Red, Edge, Stretch, and Blueberry stayed behind.

“I’M EXCITED TO SEE YOU TOMORROW,” said Blueberry.

Yep, he had a crush. (Or you just had an ego? You hoped not.) “Yeah,” you said, “me too. I’m excited to see all of you.”

Stretch gave his stupid grin. “Yeah, it’s going _tibia_ lot of fun.”

Red snickered, and you nodded approvingly. “Nice,” you said, which got you another wink from Stretch. _Why do I always blush when skeletons wink at me?_

Blueberry, on the other hand, gave his brother a deadpan look before turning back to you with a smile. He saluted. “WELL, GOODNIGHT, GOOD FRIEND! I HOPE THE REST OF YOUR EVENING GOES WELL!”

You saluted him back, and he left. Stretch followed.

“I WOULD JUST LIKE TO REITERATE,” said Edge, “THAT I AM INDEED NOT INTERESTED IN YOU, DESPITE HOW MUCH THAT MAY CRUSH YOU.”

Did he want to make you cry or something? You just looked him firmly in the eyes, and, surprising you again, he ended up being the one to break eye contact.

“OF COURSE, YOU… MAY FEEL A DESIRE TO IMPRESS ME, BUT I CAN ASSURE YOU IT WILL NOT WORK! I WILL NEVER FEEL ATTRACTED TO YOU!”

“OK,” you said, and Red coughed again.

“F… FINE!” said Edge, his face turning red with what you could only assume was anger. Yeah, he’d probably wanted to make you cry, or beg, or something. “COME, SANS!”

Red grinned nervously. “Y… Yeah, sure thing, Boss. Jus’... in a second.”

Edge huffed and stormed off. You decided not to say anything about him to Red, because Red would defend him for whatever reason. So instead you just raised your eyebrows at the shark-toothed skeleton with a smile. “Need something?”

He raised a brow, still leaning on the doorframe. “I saw whatcha did back there. Ya really know how tah get whatcha want, huh, sweetheart?”

You shrugged. “I guess.” You didn’t usually do stuff like that.

“Well,” he said, standing up straight. “I just gotta warn ya, babe.”

He stepped out of the doorway and you immediately wished one of the others would come back. _Not again._

Resting a hand on your waist and lidding his eye (sockets?), he leaned close, almost right next to your ear.

“So do I,” he purred, and your face instantly lit up. _I’ve seen that look a million times why does it still get me—_

He laughed. “Sorry, dollface, couldn’t resist. Yer blush is too adorable fer words.”

He stepped back into the house with a cheeky grin and grabbed the handle of the door.

“See ya tomorrow, beautiful.”

After one last wink, the door closed, and you felt a lot of tension leave your own body this time. _That freaking guy._ At least you’d (mostly) kept your dignity tonight.

When work ended you summarized your visit to the house (leaving out the “copies of each other” and “looking for serial killer skeletons” bits), and your boss and coworkers started to joke that _all_ of its denizens were attracted to you and that you just had some sort of appeal to skeletons. While that might explain some of the weird behavior some of the others had exhibited (like Edge), the idea of six guys with _completely different_ personalities _all_ being into you at the same time was preposterous. Not because you weren’t cool or anything. You were cool. But six guys being into any girl who wasn’t a straight-up _supermodel_ didn’t make sense. Three was already implausible. Still, you went along with the joke, and “The Skeleton Magnet” became your new nickname. Your boss told you he was lucky the Skeleton Magnet worked for him, since that meant that the skeletons would start ordering pizza often just to see you. You just rolled your eyes with a smile.

When you got home, you had quite a few texts. There was Stretch saying it had been nice to see you, and thanks for deciding to help out. You exchanged a couple of puns with him. Red’s texts hadn’t changed in nature.

**Red Devil:** hey beautiful~

**Red Devil:** still can’t stop thinking about that blush of yours. i miss it already.

**Red Devil:** i’m excited to see it again tomorrow.

Against your better judgment, you decided to ask him a question just to see how he’d respond.

**You:** Are you horny all the time?

A few moments later…

**Red Devil:** baby, you should know better than to bring that stuff up with me.

**Red Devil:** otherwise i might think you’re interested.

You would think a response to that later—

**Red Devil:** to answer your question, yes, i am.

**Red Devil:** but only for you, beautiful~

Your face _burned._ Alright, you’d sort of walked into that. OK, moving on to Blueberry now. His wholesomeness would balance things out.

There were his usual texts of well-wishes, and some stuff about tomorrow.

**Mweh Heh Heh!:** I’M GLAD YOU’RE COMING WITH US TOMORROW! YOU’LL HELP SO MUCH!

**Mweh Heh Heh!:** AND THIS WILL GET THE LAZY BROTHERS TO WAKE UP EARLY FOR ONCE!

**Mweh Heh Heh!:** PAPYRUS AND I ARE USED TO WAKING UP EARLY! WE ALWAYS GET UP AND DO OUR EXERCISE!

He then began to describe their workout routine and... _What the actual hell? How?_ How was this even possible? Especially for someone as small as Blueberry! What was he, Hercules shoved into a small skeleton's body? This was way more than any human could endure. Seriously impressive.

**You:** Are you serious? You do all that? That's amazing.

**Mweh Heh Heh!** : IT IS A LOT FOR HUMANS! BUT SKELETONS ARE JUST REALLY STRONG, I GUESS! WHEN THEY KEEP WORKING OUT!

**Mweh Heh Heh!:** I BET I COULD PICK YOU UP! WANT ME TO TRY SOMETIME? I COULD TRY TOMORROW!

... Eh, why not?

**You:** Sure, I'd like to see that.

**Mweh Heh Heh!:** OK! I PROMISE I'LL BE REALLY CAREFUL WITH YOU! YOU SEEM REALLY SOFT AND DELICATE!

**Mweh Heh Heh!:** EDGE KEEPS SAYING THAT AND I AGREE!

_Edge is such a weirdo, what the heck?_ For some reason, though, Blueberry saying it came across as really sweet. You felt your face warm up a little.

**Mweh Heh Heh!:** OH NO, IT'S LATE! YOU SHOULD SLEEP SO YOU'RE NOT TIRED TOMORROW MORNING! HAVE SWEET DREAMS!

**You:** Good idea. You have sweet dreams too.

Well, you were pretty sure that was… _Hm?_ You had texts from someone else.

**Unknown Number:** heya.

**Unknown Number:** i hope you don’t mind that i have your number. i asked one of the others for it.

You frowned. It sounded kind of like Stretch, and was in all lowercase, so you only had one guess.

**You:** I assume this is Sans?

**Unknown Number:** oh, yeah. sorry about that.

**You:** No problem. Do you need something?

No immediate answer. You were about to put your phone to sleep when there was a response.

**Unknown Number:** i just wanted to apologize for earlier. i was kinda hostile.

**You:** No, it’s OK. I’m a stranger to you, so I understand.

**Unknown Number:** thanks, buddy.

**Unknown Number:** you don’t mind if i message you sometimes, right?

**You:** Of course not! Go ahead.

For a second, you hesitated….

**You:** I want to be friends.

Too nervous to wait for his response, you put your phone away and went to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "So you're all a bunch cousins from different families, who are somehow completely identical besides small superficial features, and who are all brothers, one short and one tall, with very similar character dynamics."
> 
> "... Yes."
> 
> \---
> 
> Hey hey! Thanks so much for all the feedback you guys have been giving me in the comments. I appreciate it so much. And you guys are so fun to talk to.
> 
> Also, I have [a tumblr!](https://shyneanon.tumblr.com) So like... go check it out, cuz why not?


	4. Up to Something

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone gets to meet the spooky brothers. But Serial Killer is... onto you(?).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there, I'm back! I hope everyone had a great New Year's Eve! And I also hope that you enjoy this chapter. It's spooky time.

The next day you forced yourself to get up early despite it being a day off, and despite you having been up till the early morning last night. This had been your suggestion, after all. After some hesitation, you forced yourself to check Sans’ reply.

**Unknown Number:** yeah. that’d be nice.

It was short, but it was still positive. Maybe he just wasn’t much of a talker? But you were sort of friends, you guessed, which was good. You’d need to come up with a nickname later.

You were half-asleep, but you managed to get ready (you loved when you didn’t have to wear your work clothes) and get in your car.

It occurred on your ride to the skeletons’ house that you didn’t have enough room in your car for all of them. At most, it could fit five people, including yourself, and that was if three of them squeezed into the back together. That would leave two skeletons car-less. Not to mention your roof was short; you weren’t sure if you could fit skeletons as tall as Edge in your car. But if they could afford a house big enough for six people, they could probably afford a car, so maybe you could split, and the others could follow you to the house.

When you arrived, you headed up to the front door and knocked. It was thrown open by Papyrus.

“HELLO HUMAN!” he yelled at the top of his figurative lungs, and you winced slightly. Your tired senses had  _ not _ been prepared for that. “HOW ARE YOU?”

“I’m doing OK,” you answered. “Just sleepy.”

A third voice said, “You and me both.”

That was Sans, who had shuffled up behind Papyrus. The bags under his eyes were even more pronounced than they had been last night, when you’d met him. There were some groans of agreement from inside the house and you smiled.

“Hey,” you said, “my car is… kinda small.” You gestured to the car that was pulled out front.

“Yeah,” said Sans, “we figured you wouldn’t have something big enough to fit the tallest of us. We can split.”

Papyrus beamed. “WE CAN HAVE ALL THE SANS-ES WITH YOU, AND ALL OF THE PAPYRUS-ES WITH ME, IN MY CAR!”

Oh yeah, you’d seen Papyrus’ car on TV. Some flashy red sports car. It was a convertible, and the day seemed like it was going to be sunny, so that sounded good. “Sure. Where are Red and Blueberry?”

As if he’d been summoned, Red seemed to appear from nowhere. Seriously, like he’d manifested from thin air. He was giving you his usual suggestive expression, but he looked just as tired as Sans. In fact, the bags under his eyes made a red color around them more pronounced. Wait, was he wearing  _ red eyeliner? _ Had he been wearing that all this time? You bit the insides of your cheeks  _ hard. _

“Mind if I call shotgun, sweetheart?”

Blue suddenly bounded into view. “NO, I WANT SHOTGUN!”

“Too late, Tiny. I called dibs.”

“YOU’RE BARELY TALLER THAN ME!”

“That ain’t got nothin’ to do with this argument.”

“YOU BROUGHT IT UP!”

Sans raised a bony hand. “I think I’ll take shotgun.”

“OK,” you said. You had the feeling Sans was still slightly suspicious of you, and whatever you needed to do to reassure him, you’d do. As long as it wasn’t anything insane, anyway.

“AW,” said Blueberry.

“Ya broke my heart,” said Red, but he was still smiling. “Guess I’ll settle fer sittin’ with Shorty.”

Blue glared. “WE’RE PRETTY MUCH THE SAME HEIGHT!”

“Yeah, but I’m still taller.”

Red’s grin was from figurative ear-to-ear. You could tell he was just trying to piss Blueberry off, so you interrupted. “Are you guys ready, or…?”

“Yeah, we are,” said Sans. “Where’s Edge?”

Like Red, Edge walked in the moment his name was mentioned. You thought of the phrase  _ Speak of the devil, and he doth appear. _ Maybe these two were actually from hell. He wore the same air of insufferable arrogance as always. Being so tall, he could easily see over you and out onto the street.

“WHAT KIND OF PATHETIC VEHICLE IS THAT?”

“It’s a normal car,” you said, “that normal people can afford.”

“OF COURSE YOU THINK THAT--”

“WELL,” Blueberry interrupted, “EVERYONE’S HERE! LET’S GO!”

You headed for the cars and everyone headed for their assigned vehicles— except Edge, who approached yours.

“Actually,” you said, gesturing to Papyrus’ car, “you’re in that one.” And good thing too, there would be no complaining—

“WHAT!?” he spat, sounding even more offended than earlier.

“Wh… You were just complaining about my car two seconds ago!” you told him. “And don’t you hate me or something?”

Papyrus said, “I DON’T THINK WE SHOULD SAY THAT ANYONE HATES—“

“OF COURSE I HATE YOU!” said Edge. “BECAUSE YOU ARE SMALL, AND WEAK, AND FRAGILE! AND… AND DELICATE… AND…”

His face turned pink again. Wait, was this like… Did he have a  _ thing  _ for that? No. No, no way, you were just being paranoid after people’s teasing last night. Edge was just a creepy weirdo in general.

“BAH! I SEE WHAT’S GOING ON HERE!”

_ It’s too early for this. _

“YOU ARE EMBARRASSED AFTER MY REJECTION LAST NIGHT, SO YOU ARE FEIGNING INDIFFERENCE! WELL! IT ISN’T WORKING! I, THE TERRIBLE EDGE, SEE RIGHT THROUGH YOUR PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A RUSE!”

_ Nope. _ You just started getting in the car. “All the Papyruses are in Papyrus’ car.”

“THAT IS CORRECT!” Papyrus said. Edge huffed, but finally complied.  _ Dude needs help. _

Sans got into the passenger’s seat, and you were starting the engine when there was a voice in your ear:

“You look cute today, gorgeous.”

You jumped, and you heard laughter. “Red, oh my gosh, you scared me.”

As he clambered into the car, Blueberry glared at Red. “RED, YOU DO KNOW WHAT PERSONAL SPACE IS, RIGHT?”

“Yeah, of course.” A wink in your direction. “She doesn’t mind when I break hers, though.”

The worst part was that all evidence supported his argument. You just pretended you hadn’t heard, making sure your rear-view mirrors were adjusted correctly.

“Seriously though, beautiful, ya look cute with your hair down.”

You looked over at him. He was leaning on the back of your seat with his arm, and had his chin resting on said arm. He was smiling what looked to be rather sincerely this time.

“‘N I like yer outfit.”

Hey, this was a nice change of pace. So you smiled. “Thanks, Red, that’s really nice of you.”

A pink color dusted across his cheeks. “N… No problem, doll.”

You gave him a smug smile. “Aww, are you blushing?”

He must’ve been oblivious to it before, because his eyes widened a bit and his face only got darker.

Doing an impression of him, you said, “I love that color on you.”

His face lit up like a stoplight and he pulled his hood over his head, laughing awkwardly. He sat down in his seat and quickly buckled his seatbelt. “G… Good one, sweetheart. Hah.”

Blueberry and Sans grinned, clearly amused. They probably weren’t used to seeing him so embarrassed. Not only was it hilarious, it was also… adorable. Augh, you were going to have to force yourself not to start flirting with him as a joke.

And you were off. You stopped for donuts and coffee along the way (Sans just had regular glazed, Blueberry had vanilla frosting with sprinkles, and Red had chocolate glazed), and then continued out of town.

Sans turned to you. “So is pizza delivery your full-time job, or are you a student, or…?”

“Oh,” you said, “I finished my bachelor’s degree and I’m about to start my master’s.”

“Hey, nice. In what?”

You smiled. “Engineering.”

He stared in what looked like surprise, and you smiled awkwardly.

“Um. Do I not…. look like that, or something?”

“Huh?” He caught himself staring. “No, it’s, uh… it’s complicated. Engineering is cool.”

Curious, you looked in the upper rear-view mirror to find that Blue was suddenly fascinated with the bland scenery outside, and Red had stuffed his mouth full of donut and was chewing hard in a very undignified manner.  _ Weird. _

Well, maybe not Red. But the others.

You turned to Sans. “What about you? Do you guys have jobs?”

“Most of us don’t. Paps and I were among the first monsters to cash in on our gold and jewels when we exited the Underground, thanks to the advice of a good friend. So we’re decently loaded.” He shrugged nonchalantly. “Back at home I just ran hot dog stands.”

You smiled. “Nice. I bet you make great hot dogs.”

“Sure do.”

You turned to the others. “What about you guys?”

“I was a sentry fer th’ royal guard,” said Red. “My bro was the…” He hesitated. “... He was my superior.”

Was that why he called Edge “Boss”? That would make…  _ some _ sense. Not much, but some.

You resisted the urge to ask. Instead, you turned to Blue. “What’d you do?”

“I WAS A SENTRY TOO!” he said. “I WANTED TO BE CAPTAIN OF THE ROYAL GUARD!”

“He and my bro have a lot in common,” said Sans. “They get along well.”

You smiled. “Yeah, I noticed they both have cute laughs.”

Sans blinked and turned a slight blue color. He glanced back at Blueberry with a strange mixture of confusion and… something else.

“O… OH,” said Blueberry, and you looked in the upper rear-view mirror. He was also blushing. “THANK YOU!”

Red said nothing. He looked annoyed again. Maybe he was jealous? But then you were assuming he had an actual crush on you, which you didn’t like to assume.

“Well,” you said as the car approached a certain small, dingy house, “here we are.” You started to slow down, and the others looked out the window.

“OH WOW,” said Blueberry. “IT REALLY IS SPOOKY!”

“This looks like how our house would look if Blueberry, Paps and Edge weren’t around,” said Sans as you all got out of the car.

Red chuckled. “Yeah, I don’t see what’s wrong with it.”

An angry yell from nearby: “THIS PLACE IS ATROCIOUS!” Edge, definitely.

Papyrus sounded more concerned than angry. “THEY WERE LIVING HERE? THAT’S SO SAD. IF ONLY THEY HAD KNOWN ABOUT US!”

“Don’t talk about them in the past tense,” you said with a smile. “They’re not dead. They might still be living here.” Feeling a lot more confident now that it was daylight and you had so much company, you started to walk towards the house only for your hand to be grabbed by a much bonier one. The sensation of it was odd…. You turned and saw that it was Sans holding your hand.

“I’ll take care of it,” he said. He was wearing a carefree expression, but the tone of his voice was more serious than he’d probably meant it to be.

Well, you wanted him to trust you, so you said, “Sure.”

He looked at the house like he was thinking. You, on the other hand, looked down at his hand still holding yours. For some reason you felt your face warming up just a little.

“You can let go of my hand now,” you told him, and his face turned a blue color. He let go.

“S… sorry,” he said. “I was lost in thought.”

Behind him, Blueberry and Red looked skeptical— and annoyed. 

He headed towards the front door. Red started to follow, as did Stretch, their hands tucked in their pockets as usual. The others moved forward, but it seemed almost routine for them to follow behind.  _ Hmm. _

The Sans in charge-- or Vanilla, as the others sometimes called him-- knocked on the door. The second his fist touched it, it creaked open on its own.  _ Still like a horror movie.  _ Sans turned back to everyone and shrugged. “Guess we’re in.”

Everyone headed for the door. Red waited outside, and when you arrived, he gave you a wink. “If ya get scared ya can hold my hand.”

You gave him a deadpan look with your eyes, but you were smiling.

It was, strangely, not as messy as you’d expected. There were no cobwebs-- or at least, no more than you’d expect to find in anyone’s house. It was pretty well-dusted, too.

“Looks like  _ someone _ cared about the condition of the house,” you said. “Or… cares?” Maybe they were still living here. It was too clean for them to not be. Unless they’d left yesterday or today.

You heard Sans mutter, “Probably Paps,” and for a moment you wondered what it was like to have other yous to compare yourself to. Unfortunately, they weren’t going to explain that to you. At least, not yet. You hoped they’d eventually trust you enough to explain.

You looked around and saw an open, empty pizza box lying in the front right corner of the small living space. “Well, the pizza box is still there. I assume that’s mine.”

The issue was that the place lacked most kinds of furniture and was basically one room, so there wasn’t much to look for. All they had was what looked like a wardrobe, and then a run-down table and equally run-down chairs, full of scratches. And…

_ Holy shit is there a knife stuck in that table? _

You approached, and sure enough, there was a pretty big knife that had been jammed into the table. It also seemed to be stabbing a couple of sheets of dirty paper that had messy writing on them, so you read:

_ I left this for the assholes who I know are gonna break into my house. _

_ Get out. _

You swallowed and lifted that paper to reveal the next:

_ And to the girl they’re making “friends” with: _

_ I know you’re up to something. So don’t bother. _

_ Trick your stupid boyfriends all you want. _

_ But count me and Paps the fuck out. _

What? Up to something?  _ Boyfriends?  _ What was he talking about?

Well, regardless, you had an idea.

“We should go,” you said, which got pretty much everyone to look at you. “The Sans, uh… left a couple of not-so-friendly notes for us.”

“Wait, seriously?” said Red, and he and… everyone else… started to head your way. Blueberry and Papyrus got to you first, since they practically bounded over. You stepped aside so they could read the notes.

Blueberry gently tore the notes from underneath the knife, making sure not to rip into them, and then read the first note out loud. It got all of the others to exchange wary glances.

“OK,” said Stretch. “Creepy.”

Blueberry continued: “THE SECOND ONE SAYS… ‘AND TO THE GIRL THEY’RE MAKING “FRIENDS” WITH…’”

He made air quotes with his free hand. Everyone looked over at you. Knowing what was coming up in a second, you diverted your gaze.

“‘I KNOW YOU’RE UP TO SOMETHING, SO DON’T BOTHER. TRICK YOUR STUPID BOYFRIENDS’— _BOYFRIENDS_?”

His face turned a deep blue.

“I… IS HE TALKING ABOUT US?”

“Who else?” you heard Sans say. Finally getting the courage to look over, you saw that everyone was blushing a little bit. Stretch and Papyrus’s blushes were orange, apparently.  _ The more you know? _ Stretch tried to subtly pull his hood over his face.

“W… WE’RE NOT HER BOYFRIENDS!” screamed Edge, which made  _ everyone _ wince. The small space was _not_ good for screaming.

“H… He jus’ said it tah make fun of us, Boss,” said Red. Wow, blushing twice in one day. That was probably a record. Also, had he just stammered?

Why were you all so nervous about this? You weren’t in middle school anymore, you should be able to move past the comment. Wanting desperately to relieve the tension, you smiled and said, “What? I thought you were my boyfriends.”

That only made things worse. Their faces flushed.

So you followed up with, “Haha, just kidding… unless?”

That got everyone to start snickering (except Edge, of course), and the tension was instantly gone. You all relaxed. Even Edge didn’t seem quite as tense.

“ANYWAY,” said Blueberry, “IT SAYS ‘TRICK… _THEM_ ALL YOU WANT. BUT COUNT ME AND PAPS THE FUDGE OUT.”

“Please don’ tell me it actually said fudge,” said Red.

“NO, IT SAID A WORD I DON’T WANT TO SAY.”

“Ya mean ‘fuck’?”

“YES, BUT IT’S A RUDE WORD!”

Red rolled his eyelights. Honestly, sometimes you wished you could go back to when you tried everything you could to avoid swearing.

Stretch raised a brow at you; his hood was back down. “So, what’s your evil plan?”

You snorted. “I literally have no idea what he’s talking about. He seemed really paranoid when I first met him though, so maybe he just has trust issues.”

“Maybe?”

_ Good point. _

Edge narrowed his eyes at you. “AND HOW DO WE KNOW YOU’RE  _ NOT _ UP TO SOMETHING? NYEH?”

You shrugged. “You don’t. That’s what trust is. How do I know  _ you’re _ not up to something?”

He opened his mouth to respond, then shut it with an odd clacking sound. Wow, you’d actually stumped him.

“Would be quite the plot twist,” said Stretch.

“(Y/N) IS RIGHT,” said Papyrus, “WE SHOULD PROBABLY GO. IT’S NOT VERY NICE TO BREAK INTO SOMEONE’S HOME.”

“I mean,” said Sans, “we didn’t come here to break into their house, we came here to speak to them.”

“Then go ahead. We’re back.”

Everyone turned to the doorway to see two silhouettes standing in it, undoubtedly Serial Killer and his brother. Serial Killer was dragging what looked to be a massive,  _ massive _ axe behind him, the blade almost half his height. It also seemed to have been… used.

_ Well that’s not good. _

There was silence as the others took in the sight of Serial Killer. You’d already described him, but yeah, seeing him for oneself was a different experience.

He gave them the same response he’d given you: “It’s rude to stare.” He then looked back at you. “I’ll admit, I didn’t expect you to be here. I figured they wouldn’t let you come.”

You felt kind of bad that he’d known people were going to break into his house. “Look, I’m sorry, we--”

“Oh,  _ now _ you’re sorry.”

The Papyrus spoke up behind him. “SANS, DON’T BE--”

“They broke into our house, Paps.”

“THEY’RE ONLY WORRIED! THAT’S ALL!”

Serial Killer shot you a glare, as if Papyrus’ protests were somehow your fault, then turned back to the others.

“So?” he said. “You said you wanted to talk.”

Everyone composed themselves. Sans spoke first. “We need you to come with us.”

_ Wait, you what? _ You hadn’t been expecting  _ that. _

Serial Killer’s eye narrowed. “Oh yeah? And why’s that?”

“We can’t have everyone all spread out when we--”

“Fix things?” Serial Killer took a few steps into the house. All of the other skeletons except Papyrus and Blueberry immediately summoned several bones with their magic.  _ OK, no. _ This was like a bunch of people in the same room pointing guns at each other. Someone was going to get hurt.

“OK,” you said, putting your hands up in a surrender pose, “just… everybody relax. Let’s not fight. Let’s not scare each other into fighting. Let’s not hurt each other.”

“SHE’S RIGHT!” said Papyrus and Serial Killer’s brother at once. When Sans heard his brother he relaxed. Blueberry eventually patted Stretch’s arm, and he made his magic disappear too.  _ Wow. _ Those guys had a serious effect on their siblings.

“Fuck that,” said Red, and Edge nodded. Hey, they agreed on something. Your theory about a rough background was probably right.

Serial Killer’s brother kept looking at him. He looked annoyed, but said, “Fine. No fighting.”

Red and Edge kept their magic in place.  _ Come on…. _

Wait, was Serial Killer looking at you?

His gaze darted from you to the edgier brothers and then back to you. Was he asking  _ you _ to stop them? You shrugged, giving him a confused look--  _ What am I supposed to do? _ \-- but that only seemed to piss him off.  _ OK, fine, I’ll try. _

You gently put your hand on Red’s shoulder. “Hey, look--”

“I’m not gonna drop ‘em,” said Red. “He’s jus’ trickin’ us.”

The others started to argue with the both of them, but they wouldn’t budge. You raised your eyebrows at Serial Killer.

He pointed at his cheek.

_ Wait, like… like a kiss? _

You looked at Red, then back at the much larger skeleton, feeling awkward. He just looked back at you as if he thought you were playing dumb. Could he not detect how awkward you felt?

_ … Worth a shot. _

You leaned down and gently kissed Red’s cheek. Out of the corner of your eye you saw every single skeleton with you jump. Red’s face flushed and he looked at you.

“Please?” you said.

After a second, he relented. Seeing his brother relax, Edge actually followed. You looked at the others; all the guys looked like they were experiencing several different emotions at once. Their faces were dusted with their respective blush colors, their brows were furrowed slightly, and they kept blinking like they were confused. You looked at the doorway. Scary Papyrus was blushing, and he looked shy. Serial Killer looked almost more annoyed than before.

But his face was a light blue?

“I’m not coming with you,” he said. “Especially not with her around.” He nodded out the door. “Just leave. And take her with you.”

Well, you certainly weren’t planning to stay behind.

“WHY DON’T YOU LIKE HER?” asked Blueberry. You weren’t sure if asking that was a good idea.

“Like any of you would even listen to me. You’re too far gone. Paps and I aren’t. So fuck off.”

He gestured out the door, then backed out until he was outside.

“What’s with the blood?” asked Stretch with a strangely nonchalant tone. He nodded at the axe that Serial Killer was dragging behind him.

That one red eye narrowed again. “We were getting dinner.”

Scary Papyrus held something up-- a dead rabbit. So they were living off wild animals. That… shouldn’t have been creepy, considering hunting was how people had gotten their food for a long time, but… it was creepy nonetheless.

And sad. Poor rabbit.

“IF WE HAD MORE,” said the Papyrus, “I WOULD INVITE YOU OVER FOR DINNER BUT--”

“No, you wouldn’t,” interrupted Serial Killer before looking back at everyone else. “Now. Like I said. Fuck off.”

All of the more boisterous skeletons looked at the more relaxed ones. What was with that? Because the relaxed ones were older? Wait, was Stretch older than Blueberry? The three mellow ones all seemed to exchange a glance.

“Fine,” said Sans with a shrug. “Your house, your rules.”

The others started to file out of the building, so you followed. You weren’t sure how you felt about walking past that giant axe, but they’d killed a rabbit, not a person, so you tried not to show your fear.

“I’m really sorry,” you said. Seriously, you hadn’t meant to break into--

“Just shut up,” he said, only loud enough that you could hear.

_ OK, will do. _

Scary Papyrus waved gently at you. “Goodbye,” he said. You figured the normal speaking volume was his version of whispering. You gave him a smile and waved back, and got an orange blush in response. Serial Killer said nothing.

Everyone headed for the cars and got in. You gave the house one last glance before hightailing it out of there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyo! Hope you liked. Reminder that I gots [a tumblr](https://shyneanon.tumblr.com). I wasn't able to write one-shots this week because we had family visiting, but I should hopefully be able to write some this week. Send me prompts if you want! I love prompts.


	5. Sharing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein Axe ponders his situation and you and the other boys spend some time together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lots of POV-swapping this chapter. Don't worry, it's clear whose head you're in. I'm not Ernest Hemingway, I like to be a clear communicator.

“I DON’T UNDERSTAND, SANS. SHE SEEMS NICE TO ME!”

Paps sat at the table, fidgeting and looking at the knife that was still embedded in the wood.

“I know, Paps,” said Axe, heading for the wardrobe on the right side of the room. “But she’s not nice.”

“HOW DO YOU KNOW?”

He made eye contact with Paps. “Did you see all of the other us-es, Paps? All of them like her.  _ All _ of them. That’s not normal.” He opened the wardrobe, revealing an array of very large blades inside. “We all just met her. And… eight people, Paps.  _ Eight. _ ” His eye narrowed. “She’s already brainwashed the other six of us, she’s not brainwashing us.”

There was no way they all just liked you by coincidence. You were doing something. How, he didn’t know. Why, he wasn’t quite sure. But this was your fault. He knew that.

“I DON’T SEE WHY IT’S A BAD THING.”

“It’s bad because she’s doing it  _ to _ us. We don’t just feel it…  _ because. _ ”

Paps said nothing, just looked at the knife in the table again. As he placed his weapon back in the wardrobe, Axe held in the sigh he wanted to let out. He kept saying that he and Paps weren’t brainwashed, but Paps was… well, he was Paps. He liked you. Axe could tell.

At first, he’d actually felt a little guilty about his suspicions. Probably the… effects you had on him talking. Perhaps, he’d thought, he was just being paranoid. Just because he had felt his soul react strangely to you-- almost like it was drawn to you-- hadn’t necessarily meant it was your fault. It could’ve been him. It would be odd, but he’d supposed it wasn’t  _ completely  _ implausible.

Even when he’d realized that Paps had felt the same thing, he’d tried to give you the benefit of the doubt. They’d been living alone in a house in the middle of nowhere for ages. They hadn’t exactly had contact with any females, regardless of species, for a long time. Maybe it was just that.  _ Look, a girl. _

But the suspicions had still been there. Axe had learned not to trust anyone, and now suddenly you-- someone whose name he didn’t even know-- were making him feel warm things he hadn’t felt for anyone in a long time, Paps being the only exception. Not love-- that would’ve been far more alarming. It would’ve raised red flags immediately. You don’t fall in love with someone you’ve never seen before.

But a desire to trust you, certainly. And that hadn’t been very welcome either.

He’d known about the other skeletons for a while now. Paps hadn’t; Axe had known what would happen if they crossed paths with the other skeletons. They would start going on about that dumbass machine, and getting back home.

As if he wanted to go back home.

Paps wanted to. He knew that, and it was why Paps hadn’t been meant to know about the others. Axe knew what was best for himself and his little brother, that being that they  _ not _ go back home. Living in a tiny house in the middle of nowhere, hunting wild animals, wasn’t exactly living the high life, but it was better than home. At least here they could  _ attempt _ to build a life for themselves, even if it wasn’t the greatest.

But despite not wanting anything to do with the other skeletons, he would check up on them occasionally. Without their notice, of course. He just wanted to make sure they didn’t know about him and Paps.

So when he’d met you and suspicions were raised… Well, he’d tried to forget about the encounter, but eventually he just couldn’t help himself. After a couple of days he’d shortcutted to where he knew the idiots were living and listened in. It was risky, but he’d needed to either confirm or quell his concerns.

“Ya shoulda seen the delivery girl,” was the first thing he’d heard. It was that him with the Brooklyn accent-- the one that wanted everyone to think he was tough. “She was the absolute  _ cutest. _ ”

“I HEARD HER VOICE!” The him that was a lot like Paps. “IT WAS (Y/N), RIGHT?”

“Yeah, that’s what ‘er name was. You know ‘er?”

“SHE DELIVERED OUR PIZZA LAST NIGHT! SHE’S REALLY NICE, ISN’T SHE?”

“Yeah, she’s a real sweetheart.” A more smug tone as he added, “We almos’ kissed.”

“YOU DID  _ WHAT? _ ”

The Papyrus that acted like him pitched in: “You mean  _ you _ almost kissed  _ her _ before she slapped you?”

“As a matter’a fact, there was no slapping.” The edgy him sounded annoyed at first, then resumed his smug tone. “‘M pretty sure she’s into me.”

The Papyrus-him protested: “ACTUALLY, SHE THINKS I’M HANDSOME!”

“Psh, sure.” 

_ Goddammit. _ He’d been hoping he was wrong, not right.

He hadn’t needed to hear any more. He’d written those two notes and jammed them onto the table the next day. Paps had been confused, and Axe had finally admitted that there were more Sans-es and Papyrus-es around. By this point, it had become obvious to him that all of you were going to meet. He was just glad that they hadn’t mentioned the machine today. But they’d be back. He was sure of that.

The final nail in your coffin had been when you’d given one of the others a kiss on the cheek. He had felt it too. And so had all the others; he’d seen them all flinch in surprise at the sensation.

It wasn’t that… he’d felt your lips touch his cheek. But he had felt the same shock that that kind of intimate touch would cause. Only… a bit different. More intense than usual. Distinctly belonging to the red-eyed him. So whatever you were doing, all of your victims were able to share each other’s emotions-- at least, regarding you. 

It couldn’t be magic. Humans couldn’t do magic.

So how were you doing it?

He supposed it didn't matter. What did matter was that this wasn't over. You and they weren't getting the message.

So it looked like he was going to have to spell it out for you.

* * *

By the time you arrived back at the skeletons’ house, you felt hungry again. A donut had not been enough to sustain you. You would need to go back home and eat. Still, you weren’t just going to drop your new friends off; you would accompany them to the door.

The second you did, Blueberry said “NOW YOU CAN SEE OUR HOUSE!”

“Oh,” you said, “I mean, I’d love to, but the thing is I’m--”

You were interrupted by your stomach making a formal complaint. It was always embarrassing when that happened in front of others (for some reason), but you felt even more embarrassed when every skeleton besides Sans and Papyrus all looked at you like you’d grown a second head.

“The hell was that?” asked Red.

_ … Oh yeah. _

Before you could explain, though, Sans did. “It’s her stomach,” he said. “Stomachs do that when they need food. She’s hungry.”

Well, you supposed it made sense that he would know that. He was around humans whenever he left this house.

How come the others didn’t know?

Blueberry and Papyrus seemed to find this exciting news, and they gasped. “WE CAN COOK FOR YOU!”

Stretch and Sans exchanged a wary look. “Hey, guys,” said Sans. “I think she’s… too hungry to wait for you to prepare your signature dishes. We can just… order her some food.”

“You don’t have to do that,” you said. “I can just go home.”

Stretch frowned. “I’m not sure if that’s a good idea. Something tells me Axe was pretty pissed. You’re safer here.”

Axe? Was that his nickname for Serial Killer? It was definitely catchier.

You saw his point, but… “I mean, I can’t see how he’d find me. And they don’t have a car, how would they get around?”

The skeletons exchanged glances. Ah. They knew something you didn’t. You had the feeling they wouldn’t tell you.

Stretch slung his arm around your shoulder. “Just hang out with us, honey. For a little while, to make sure nothing bad happens.”

_ Did… did he just call me honey? _ Was that normal, like Red’s nicknames were? You felt your face heat up, but tried to focus on the topic of conversation. “Um… sure, yeah.”

“Yeah,” said Sans, “let’s do that.” He sounded annoyed. Were you annoying him? You hoped not.

It was a nice house. Very spacious. You wanted to ask about the whole gold and jewels thing again, but money questions aren’t very polite, so you decided against it.

“Ever eaten Grillby’s?” asked Sans with one of his lazy grins. Papyrus, Edge and Blueberry immediately made sounds of protest.

“THAT STUFF IS BAD FOR YOU!” said Blueberry.

“DO NOT ROPE THE POOR HUMAN INTO EATING YOUR GREASY FOOD!” said Papyrus.

“I mean,” you said, “I like greasy food.”

A pair of arms suddenly wrapped around you from behind, and you reflexively froze up before realizing it was Red.  _ Dammit. _

“Where’ve you been all my life?” he purred.

Like usual, you found yourself having a hard time telling him to let go. You jumped slightly when you felt his teeth press against the back of your neck and one of his palms start to rub circles on your hip.

Thankfully, you managed, “OK, Casanova, not… now.”

“Aww,” he said. He mostly let go, but his hand was still resting on your hip. “Maybe later then?”

“ _ She said to stop, _ ” said Sans, in a tone you’d never heard him use before. Probably the most unnerving one you’d heard yet. When you looked at him, you saw that the lights in his eye sockets had straight-up disappeared, leaving two black voids in their wake. But that smile was still on his face.  _ Nope. Nope. Creepy. I do not like. _

Red let go, but he grinned. “Yer just jealous cuz she likes it.”

Sans’ eyelights reappeared and he rolled them. You were just glad they were back.

“Besides,” you continued, “lots of girls like greasy food.” Though he probably knew that. He was just finding excuses to flirt with you.

Looking significantly calmer, Sans held his phone out to you. It had one of those food delivery apps open. “Here, you can order whatever you want.”

You did. And the grease-loving skeletons ended up ordering too.

It was the best burger you’d ever had. How had you never heard of this place before? You finished the whole thing really quickly, although Papyrus, Blueberry and Edge looked sorely disappointed in you.

Then again, Edge always looked disappointed in you.

“THE NEXT TIME YOU VISIT,” said Edge, “YOU WILL NEED TO TASTE REAL COOKING! I WILL MAKE YOU MY LASAGNA AND YOU WILL SEE WHO THE SUPERIOR CHEF IS!”

“I CAN MAKE YOU MY TACOS!” said Blueberry.

“AND I CAN MAKE SPAGHETTI!” said Papyrus.

You just raised an eyebrow at Edge while lounging on the couch. It was strange how quickly you’d gotten comfortable here. “You’d cook for me?”

His face turned red again. “I NEVER SAID THAT!”

“You literally just did.”

“CLEARLY YOU MISHEARD ME!”

“Cool, then I won’t eat your cooking I guess.”

“THAT’S NOT WHAT I… NYEH!”

Ah, so  _ “Nyeh”  _ wasn’t part of his laugh. It was a noise of complaint. Appropriate.

“Well, that was amazing.” You stretched. “Thanks for lunch, guys.” You looked back over at Stretch. “Are you sure Axe is that much of a problem?”

“IS AXE WHAT YOU’RE CALLING THE OTHER SANS?” said Blueberry.

“THAT’S NOT REALLY A VERY NICE NICKNAME,” said Papyrus, sounding concerned. It seemed their kindness knew no bounds.

“I mean,” said Stretch, “it’s fitting.”

Sans smiled at his brother. “We’ll come up with a nicer nickname once we get to know him better. Yeah?”

That seemed to assuage him. “THAT’S A GOOD IDEA!”

Stretch brought the conversation back to your question. “So he met you before you met us, right? And yet somehow he figured you’d meet us, and that we’d break into his house. So… I’m not sure we want to just let you go home alone. If he tries to break into this house, you’ve got six other people with you. If he finds you in your apartment…”

That was a decent point.

“WOW,” said Blueberry, “YOU’RE RIGHT, PAPY! THAT’S REALLY WEIRD! WHAT IF HE’S PSYCHIC OR SOMETHING?”

“With all due respect, he looks like he took a pretty nasty injury to his head, so I doubt it.”

You rubbed the back of your neck. “If you think I should stay,” you told Stretch, “your argument seems solid. So I’ll stay.”

Everyone looked at Stretch and exchanged glances. What was with all the weird looks today?

“HEY!” said Blueberry, breaking the silence. “I WANTED TO SHOW YOU MY FAVORITE TV SHOW! NA… METTATON!”

Edge scoffed. He did that a lot. “WHAT LOW-QUALITY GARBAGE!”

Well, you didn’t need any more convincing. “Sounds fun.” You’d do anything to spite Edge. Besides, you’d heard of Mettaton. He was that robot from the Underground, right? The very fabulous one. You’d never watched his show, though.

“COOL!”

Papyrus said, “I WILL GO GET THE DVDS!” and ran off. _Wait, DVDs?_ _But Mettaton just got his show._

Your confusion must have been visible, because Sans said, “It’s from the Underground.”

“Oh. Whoa, really?” You hadn’t known he’d had a show down in the Underground. Though it made sense. This would be really interesting, getting a glimpse of the Underground’s pop culture.

Turns out it mostly drew inspiration from surface media. That made sense, but it was a weird… jumble of different media. Anime was mixed with old western films… stuff like that. That wasn’t really the problem, though. After all,  _ Cowboy Bebop _ is a thing. The problem was that it was just of poor quality in general. The writing was bad, the acting was bad… The real entertainment came from seeing how much Blueberry and Papyrus seemed to love it. That made you smile. So you ended up watching it for hours. Eventually Edge made a complaint about it being “irredeemable trash” and left (good riddance), but everyone else stayed. Red just fell asleep in an armchair, in a position that looked very uncomfortable to you. Sans and Stretch stayed presumably to enjoy their brothers’ reactions. They seemed to love their brothers a lot.

Eventually you felt a nudge on your right, and you turned to Sans.

“Enjoying the show?” he asked, and threw you a wink. It was less of a Red-type wink and more of a knowing wink, but you still felt your face get warm. Worse, your blush must have been quite visible, because Sans’ face turned blue.

Well, you couldn’t just sit there blushing at him, so you told him, “I’m enjoying Papyrus and Blueberry more, honestly.”

His smile softened. “Yeah?” Looking back over at Papyrus, he said, “My brother’s really cool.”

“So’s mine,” said Stretch on your left.

_ … Aww. _

“That’s so sweet,” you told them, and this time Stretch blushed along with Sans. Grinning, he slung his arm around your shoulder again, and you gave him a cheeky smile. “I’m surprised you didn’t try the yawn and  _ stretch _ .”  _ Ba-dum tss. _

Both he and Sans chuckled, and you felt Sans’ arm wrap around your waist. All the physical contact was making you shy.

“Do monsters just feel very comfortable with touch?” It could be part of their culture.

Stretch and Sans exchanged a glance before smiling at you.

“It’s… a skeleton thing,” Stretch said, and Sans nodded in agreement.

Well, all of the skeletons (except Edge— not that you were complaining) were being like this. This explanation made sense. You smiled. “Mmkay.”

They both moved slightly closer to you. Weird, they were warm, despite being only bones with clothing on top. You realized that Stretch smelled faintly of cigarette smoke. Sans, on the other hand, smelled like pine trees and burgers. A weird combination, but you actually liked it a lot. The warmth was making you sleepy….

Funny, the warmth seemed to be getting closer, as did the smell of pine and burgers. You smiled and let out a soft hum, snuggling closer to the source of the warmth and letting your eyelids fall closed. You were out like a light.

* * *

Sans was now sitting on the couch, an arm wrapped almost all the way around you, with you lying on top of him. Stretch had let go of you, looking a bit disappointed. They exchanged an awkward glance, and Sans shrugged. This… wasn’t a big deal. He didn’t know you, but you were nice, and he felt comfortable around you. So… this was normal. Nothing about this felt weird.

He tried to ignore the way his soul was reacting. The way it had been reacting all day whenever the two of you touched, or you smiled at him. Even you looking at him made his soul… flutter? No. Nah. There was nothing going on.

And then the strange feeling he’d gotten when you had kissed Red…. Had everyone felt it? He’d seen everyone else jump out of the corner of his eye sockets.

It had felt like… you were kissing him? Like your lips were on his cheek. Except not really. He hadn’t felt the sensation of touch, just the jolt of energy that he assumed he would feel if you kissed him like that.

Not that he’d really thought about it or anything.

But… Red. Regardless of what he had felt, you’d kissed  _ Red _ . How? How could he be so shameless? How could he just walk up and tell a girl he was interested, and  _ how _ could he do what would get so many other guys slapped in the face and instead get a positive response?

Well, it didn’t matter, did it? In the end you were here with him….

He shook his head. What was wrong with him? His thoughts were never like this. No, no, everything was fine. It was nothing weird. Nothing weird! He just didn’t want the others messing with you. Especially Red, seeing as he was… Red.

His feelings were purely platonic.

Still, he pulled you closer, wrapping both his arms around you. His eyelights dilated as he looked at you, distracted from the TV and even his brother momentarily.

It was best not to wake you up. You seemed tired, which didn’t surprise him. You’d probably gone to bed late last night, and then had to wake up early to help him and the others. Besides, it was dark outside. He would… let you sleep in his bed. After… cleaning it up a bit.

He rubbed your arm gently with one hand as he turned back to the TV, your proximity giving his soul a strange rush.

Nothing weird.

When the episode ended, he spoke up softly. “I’m gonna take (y/n) upstairs where she can sleep somewhere comfy.”

Papyrus and Blueberry turned, smiling, but their smiles faltered when they saw Sans with you.

“SHE… FELL ASLEEP ON YOU?” said Blueberry.

Sans nodded. “She was just tired. And maybe lower your voice so you don’t wake her up.”

“Right,” he said, his whispering only at most people’s normal speaking volume. But hey, it was better than screaming.

Sans reached his arms underneath you, picking you up bridal style. You were still fast asleep, and you looked rather silly like this. Sans felt his face heat up. Why was he so nervous? He was just carrying a girl to his room. So she could sleep. He wasn’t taking you upstairs to…

His eyelights dilated again.

“What’s goin’ on…?” mumbled a voice. Red was sitting up in the armchair, blinking awake. “‘S the show over…?”

He turned to look at the couch and then noticed Sans holding you. He immediately stood up.

“What’re you doin’?”

“She needs someplace to sleep,” said Sans, and began carefully carrying you towards the staircase. Red followed close behind, and Blueberry made to catch up.

“I should carry ‘er,” said Red. “I’m stronger than you.”

A strange twinge of… something. “No.”

Blueberry spoke up. “She can… sleep in my bed. It’s very clean.”

He had a point, his bed was much cleaner. “... She can sleep in your bed, yeah.”

He adjusted his hold on you, watching you sleep, and he felt the smile on his face soften.

“OK. I see how it is.”

Sans turned and saw Red looking him up and down.

“Ya got a thing fer her,” he said, sounding annoyed.

“No, I do not,” said Sans. “We just met.” You were a new friend. Nothing more.

“Tch. Sure.”

“She’s so pretty when she’s asleep,” said Blueberry softly.

This was bizarre. Why were they all looking so closely at you? Even Papyrus was eyeing you. Well, Sans could… see why… even if he didn’t feel that way himself. He chalked it up to Blueberry being a romantic and Red being a flirt. Papyrus was probably just concerned for your well-being.

Sans carried you to Blueberry’s room and then gently set you down on the bed, although he felt a strange reluctance to do so. He brushed some hair from your face. Red walked up next to him.

“She’s so hot,” he said, but he said it with a strange sigh in his voice.

“That’s not a polite compliment,” scolded Blueberry.

“C’mon,” said Sans, “let’s just go. She needs sleep.”

They all headed for the door, looking back at you one last time. As he started to close the door, Blueberry placed one hand on the light switch and poked his head inside.

“Goodnight, (y/n),” he said, and then turned the light off and shut the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Miss figured it out last chapter! I saw their comment and was like "Ohoho, they know," lol.
> 
> I like to think that Axe is pretty smart. He may have a pretty bad head injury, but he's still a Sans, and them Sans-es are smart cookies. He's just... sort of pissed at the moment....
> 
> Also, if you were unaware, I has [a tumblr](https://www.shyneanon.tumblr.com) and I post lots of fanfic 'bout the skeletons on it. I often have writer's block and therefore rely on prompts, lol. I'm kinda new to writing this romance stuff so thinking of ideas is like uhhhhhhh


	6. A Day Off

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein you take a break from the plot and instead spend a relaxed day with the skeletons, getting to know them on their home turf.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AND SUDDENLY THE CHAPTERS ARE TWICE AS LONG IM SO SORRY I DIDNT KNOW HOW TO SPLIT THIS.
> 
> I hope you like it.

When you woke up the next morning, you rubbed your eyes, not really opening them all that much. How had you gotten home again? You didn’t remember your drive back. Wow, you must have been really exhausted. You were lucky you hadn’t crashed.

You sat up, rubbing the back of your neck, and stretched before finally blinking your eyes completely open.

_ … Hold up. _

Where were you? This wasn’t your apartment! Startled out of drowsiness, you looked down. The sheets were white with a blue pattern on them, and they seemed fresh. The whole room seemed well kept, actually.

Then you looked on the bedside table and saw a photo of Blueberry and Stretch. Oh yeah. You were still at the skeletons’ house.

OK, one: This was probably Blueberry’s room.

Two:  _ That is so sweet and wholesome aww I wonder if Stretch has a photo in his room too my heart. _

When you realized that being here meant you’d probably fallen asleep on the couch, you grimaced.  _ Oh crap, that’s embarrassing. _ You really hoped you hadn’t been drooling or something. You wiped the corners of your mouth, but didn’t feel anything.  _ Good. _

They must have carried you up here. You had… mixed feelings about this. Part of you thought that was really nice of them, not wanting to wake you up and instead giving you a nice place to sleep. The other part of you thought it was kind of weird, considering you’d only met these guys a few days ago at most, and two days ago at least.

Oh well. At least nothing creepy seemed to have happened, so that was good. You got up, did your best to make Blueberry’s bed, and left the room. There were voices coming from downstairs, so you just followed the sound.

There was no one in the living room.  _ They must be having breakfast. _ You headed towards the kitchen, becoming more and more aware of how messy you looked as you approached. It wasn’t your fault, you’d just woken up and this wasn’t your house, but you had morning breath, and your hair was a wreck, and since you’d fallen asleep in your clothes you probably smelled…. Ugh.

“WHY DON’T YOU JUST PUT SYRUP ON THE PANCAKES?”

You winced. You always forgot how loud half of the skeletons were.

“Because I like honey better.”

“BUT THEY TASTE ALMOST EXACTLY THE SAME! AND THEY’RE BOTH SYRUPY!”

“Not really, bro.”

“AT LEAST  _ YOUR  _ BROTHER DOESN’T PUT MUSTARD ON EVERYTHING HE EATS!”

“Shuddup, boss, I like it.”

“DON’T TELL ME TO SHUT UP!”

“Sorry, boss.”

Several yawning noises sounded as you entered: Sans first, which then infected Stretch and then Red.  _ Yawns really are— _

You yawned. Loudly.

_ … contagious. _

Well, that was one way to announce your presence. The response was a little bit of laughter from everyone. Well, except Edge. He just sat with a scowl on his face. Laughter is also contagious, so you ended up laughing as well.

“Sorry about that,” you said. “Hey.”

“Morning, honey,” said Stretch.

You looked at the bottle of honey he was holding. “Is that why you call me honey? Because you put honey on your pancakes?”

“I really like honey. So yes.”

That was kind of cute. “Well, thanks, guys, for letting me stay the night. That was really nice of you.” You jerked your thumb over your shoulder, smiling. “I’m gonna head out. Things should be safe now, right?”

They all exchanged hesitant looks.

“Seriously? You really think I’m in danger?”

They nodded.

“HE REALLY DOESN’T SEEM TO LIKE YOU,” said Blueberry.

That was putting it mildly.

“So,” you said, “you think I should stay a while longer?”

They all nodded again.

“OK. Thanks for your concern. But tomorrow I’m going home, it’s a work day.”

“GREAT!” said Blueberry. “WE WANTED TO COOK YOU BREAKFAST, BUT THAT WOULD MEAN WAKING YOU UP BEFORE IT GOT COLD!”

You were kind of glad. That would’ve made you feel kind of guilty, even if you hadn’t really done anything wrong.

Instead you had cereal— the kind with little colorful marshmallows in it. The others stayed even when they were done eating (besides Edge, of course). Papyrus and Blueberry had lots to tell you. Apparently, they and Edge didn’t sleep? They didn’t know  _ how _ , Papyrus said. Well, they were skeletons, so you supposed that was believable. Lack of sleep meant that they had an entire night’s worth of information. The information itself wasn’t particularly interesting, but the way they told you about it was entertaining, so you were happy to listen. Once you were finished eating, though, you had to interrupt.

“Guys, I’m sorry, but I have to take a shower. I’m all gross from yesterday.”

“OH YEAH,” said Blueberry. “HYGIENE IS IMPORTANT!”

Then you realized something.

“Oh crap,” you said, “I don’t have fresh clothes.”

The skeletons exchanged glances. Eventually Sans raised his hand.

“You can borrow some of mine. I think Paps just did laundry.”

“I DID!” said Papyrus with a smile.

“You sure you’re OK with letting me borrow your clothes?” you said.

“He’s fine with it,” said Red, smirking. “I mean, ya already fell asleep on ‘im last night, so yer personal bubbles have already been breached.”

_ Wait, I… I did  _ what?

“I… fell asleep on you?” you asked, turning to Sans. Your face was warm. His cheeks were dusted blue, but he shrugged.

“It’s no big deal. I know you didn’t mean anything by it. You were just tired.”

OK, well at least he wasn’t reading into it. You realized Blueberry and Papyrus weren’t saying anything. Blueberry looked kind of pouty. Was he jealous?

“A… Anyway,” you said, “I should take a shower.”

You washed your dishes-- or, tried, before Papyrus snatched your dishes away and insisted that you were a guest-- and Sans gave you some clean clothes. You took a shower in a bathroom that was at the end of the upstairs hallway. There was, uh… no shampoo, which confused you at first, but then you remembered who the residents of the house actually were. So you used body wash instead. Not great for your hair, but whatever. Once you were done, you changed into clothes and then left the bathroom, keeping a towel resting on your shoulders to keep your hair from soaking your clothing and making you cold. Your hair would need to air-dry.

You could hear voices from downstairs; it seemed like the skeletons enjoyed each other’s company more than they’d like to admit. They were like one giant, dysfunctional family. You smiled.

You then heard a meowing sound. You turned and saw a shorthaired, white cat heading your way.

_ Ohmygosh they have a cat!? _

“Hi kitty!” you said, your voice instinctively slipping into high-pitched baby mode. “Hi there!” You knelt down and held out your hand so it could sniff and it started rubbing against your hand. Without thinking, you kept crooning: “Awww.  _ Awwwww. _ You are such a cutie pie—“

“HE IS NOT CUTE!”

_ Uuuuugh. _

Edge’s red boots were visible on the other side of the cat, and you looked up. He was glaring down at you. Shocker.

“Hi,” you said.

“HOW DARE YOU CALL HIM SUCH DEMEANING NAMES?! HE IS NOT AN INFANT! HE IS A MIGHTY BEAST!”

You looked down and saw that the cat had flopped over onto its side and was licking one paw. “Uh… sure. Listen, I can talk to the cat however I want. He’s not  _ your _ cat.”

“NYEH HEH!”

_ Hey, he laughed. _

“THAT’S WHERE YOU’RE WRONG! HE IS, IN FACT, MY CAT!”

_ Wait, what? _

“You own a cat?” you asked.

“OWN HIM? HE IS A WILD ANIMAL! HE BELONGS TO NO ONE! NOT EVEN ME!”

Yeah, sure. The cat seemed well fed, so either Red took care of it or Edge did own it.

“What’s his name?” you asked.

He clenched his fist like a cartoon villain. “THE BEAST’S NAME IS DOOMFANGER!

A moment of silence as you tried to process what he’d just said.

“Did… did you just say his name is  _ Doomfanger? _ ” you asked, unable to stop a smile from creeping onto your face.

“YES! QUITE THE INTIMIDATING NAME, NO?”

You bit the insides of your cheeks.

But you started to laugh anyway.

“WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING?! HIS NAME STRIKES FEAR INTO THE HEARTS OF—“

You laughed harder.

“STOP LAUGHING!”

“What’s goin’ on?” came from the bottom of the stairs. Edge yelling must have attracted Red.

“SHE’S LAUGHING AT THE CAT!”

“Oh. Uh, sweetheart, don’t do that.”

“WHAT KIND OF ORDER WAS THAT!?”

“ _ Doomfanger _ ,” you repeated, snickering. You started to pet Doomfanger again, smiling. For some reason, Edge had stopped yelling, but you found the cat too amusing to care.

“... HE SEEMS TO APPROVE OF YOU.”

You looked back up at Edge. “Yeah?”

“YES! WHICH I SUPPOSE… MEANS HE FINDS YOU TO BE QUITE… BRAVE.”

_ Seriously? _

But Edge had just complimented you, and you weren’t about to turn that down. You glanced back to see Red giving you a thumbs up from the bottom of the stairs, and you forced back a snicker.

“Thank you,” you said, turning back to Edge. “I know.”

He opened his mouth to speak, then shut it, making that weird bone-on-bone clacking sound again. His face started to turn pink.

“W… WELL,” he concluded. “IT SEEMS I UNDERESTIMATED YOU. YOU ARE… STILL QUITE WEAK, ON THE OUTSIDE, AND VERY… VERY MUCH IN NEED OF PROTECTION FROM THOSE UNSAVORY CHARACTERS…”

_ This is fucking weird. _

“... BUT! YOU HAVE THE FEARLESS SPIRIT THAT IS SO ADMIRABLE WHERE WE COME FROM. SO! YOU HAVE, AH… EARNED SOME OF MY RESPECT.”

“Oh,” you said, your voice returning to monotone, “wow, what an amazing day for me.”

“YES!” he said, his face getting redder. OK, you’d had enough of Edgy Weirdo over here, even if he did have a really cute cat. So you got up and started to head down to your original destination.

Until Doomfanger got excited and bolted down the stairs right in front of you. Your attempt to dodge him only caused you to trip-- kind of like swerving to avoid hitting a deer only to crash into a tree.

Someone caught you, and you assumed it was Edge-- because of course your luck would force you to genuinely thank him for something-- but as Doomfanger continued down the stairs and Edge made after him, you realized it wasn’t.  _ Wait, Red? _ You were still towards the top of the stairs, how had he gotten all the way up from the bottom without you hearing? He wasn’t exactly a quiet person.

Well, you already knew where this was going. You looked over fully expecting to see him grinning, and yep, that was exactly what you saw. You were getting a good view of his shark-like teeth.

“Hey sweetheart,” he said. “Fell for me fast, huh?”

“That one was really bad,” you said, despite the smile tugging at the corners of your mouth.

“Aw, c’mon.” He leaned close to your face, which made it get hot because of  _ course _ it did. “Where’s my thank you kiss?”

You started when he nipped your ear. “OK, Red, no.” You reached up and gently tapped him with the palm of your hand, as if you were slapping him. “Bad Red.”

“Bad Red?”

“Yes.”

His grin only grew wider. “Oh  _ no. _ I’ve been a bad boy.” He leaned closer to your ear, his lowered voice somehow getting deeper as he lidded his eyes. “Do bad boys get  _ punished _ ?”

A whisper:

“Cuz baby... you can punish me all you want.”

OK, well, now your face felt like it was on fire. Your eyes squeezed shut, as if you thought not seeing him meant he couldn’t see you. You should’ve seen this coming, you  _ should’ve-- _

He laughed. “Alright, sweetie, I’ll put ya down. It’s just fun tah make ya all flustered.”

You were set right side up on the step and you tried to compose yourself--

A sudden press of teeth to your cheek. You started and looked over at Red. He was still grinning, and he winked.

“Payback fer yesterday, yeah?”

_ Oh. Oh yeah, that was a thing that happened. _ You opened your mouth to explain, but you weren’t exactly sure how to do that. Did you really want him to know that Axe had  _ told _ you to kiss him?

You realized he was staring, but not in a creepy way, or in a flirtatious way. Not in a romantic way either, it was like he was surprised by something.

And  _ then _ you realized that in your fall the towel you’d been wearing had fallen off and your freezing cold hair was making you shiver.

“You cold?” said Red, in an unusually soft tone. He was still giving you that odd look.

“It’s just my hair,” you said, glancing around. The towel was within reach, so you grabbed it and started to wrap your hair up in it.  _ So cold… _

When you looked back at Red he was shrugging his jacket off. For a split second you thought he was being weird, and then you realized that he was offering it to you.

“Here babe, take this. I don’ need it as much.” He held it out. His smile was back but his eyes were still looking at you funny. He looked a lot smaller without the jacket on. Partly because of all the fur, you figured.

“Are you sure?” you asked.

“Absolutely.”

Well, he’d offered, so you took it and slipped it on.  _ Oooooh, warm! _ It was so warm! And soft! “Dude, this is comfy!” You instinctively snuggled into it, tucking your hands in its pockets. Now you understood why he did that.

“Yeah?” He straightened the jacket and gave you a playful wink. “Looks cuter on you than it ever did on me.”

You snorted. “Well, thank you.” You looked down the staircase. “Are the others downstairs?”

“Yeah. C’mon.”

His arm wrapped around your waist. You would’ve taken it as personal-bubble-invasion had Sans and Stretch not explained all the physical contact stuff last night.

The both of you made it to the living room; Edge stormed up the stairs past you, holding Doomfanger. Was Doomfanger not allowed downstairs? If not, it didn’t seem anyone had noticed him, because everyone was sitting on couches and beanbags, and they all seemed very relaxed.

“‘Sup fellas?” said Red, and it was loud enough to draw everyone’s attention. “How’s it goin’ down here?”

There was a moment of weird silence as they all stared.  _ What. _ It wasn’t the arm thing, right? Sans and Stretch had explained, physical contact was normal for skeletons.

“My hair was making me cold so Red’s letting me borrow his jacket,” you said before smiling at Sans. “Thanks for letting me borrow your clothes. They’re really comfortable, by the way, I see why you wear them.”

He had the same surprised look on his face as Red, and his cheeks were blue. What? Was it that you had his clothes on? No, he wouldn’t have offered them to you if that turned him on or something. Sans wasn’t a creep.

The blush vanished and he shrugged nonchalantly, which made you relax. “It’s no problem,” he said. Were his eyelights bigger than usual? You wondered if the eyelights dilated and contracted like pupils. That would be interesting, especially considering that pupils were meant to draw in light, not radiate it.

“HEY (Y/N)!” said Blueberry. “PAPYRUS AND I ARE WORKING ON PUZZLES!”

“WE WERE THINKING YOU COULD LOOK AT THEM!” said Papyrus.

The single word “PUZZLES?” was yelled from upstairs and  _ Oh no why. _

Edge stomped down the staircase, no longer holding his cat.  _ Aw. _

“YOUR PUZZLES ARE CONSISTENTLY INFERIOR TO MINE! I WILL INSPECT THEM AS WELL! THE HUMAN’S UNTRAINED EYES WILL NOT SEE YOUR FAULTS AS EASILY AS MINE!”

Whatever. You had a question. “What do you mean by ‘puzzles,’ exactly?”

Papyrus grabbed your wrist. “WE CAN SHOW YOU RIGHT NOW!”

You smiled as he and Blueberry eagerly led you through the kitchen and out the back door, into a backyard just as spacious as their house. It was on the edge of a forest, like the rest of this side of the neighborhood. You were glad you had Red’s jacket, though, because otherwise your hair would be making you pretty cold right now.

Taking up a good amount of space in the backyard was what sort of looked like an obstacle course, but involving… yeah, puzzles. You couldn’t just power your way through, some of the obstacles looked like they required finding the correct path forward, or unlocking the correct path forward. “Do you guys do this as a hobby?”

“YEAH!” said Blueberry.

“Wow,” you said. “This looks complicated.”

“NYEH!”

Well, you knew who that was. You turned to Edge, who already had his arms folded. “What? What is it?”

“WHERE ARE THE TRAPS? THERE ARE NEVER ANY TRAPS!”

Papyrus smiled awkwardly as he legitimately attempted peacekeeping with Edge of all people. “REMEMBER, EDGE, WE BUILD THESE PUZZLES FOR FUN! WE DON’T WANT TO HURT ANYONE!”

“SPEAK FOR YOURSELF!”

You started, “They can build--”

“SHE WOULD AGREE WITH ME!” Edge said, looking at you.  _ Since when? _ “AFTER ALL, SHE FEARS NOTHING!”

Blueberry and Papyrus looked confused. They were probably wondering when he’d suddenly decided you were brave.

“OK, no,” you said. “That’s like saying ‘I’m not afraid of spiders so today I picked up a Black Widow with my bare hands.’” You gestured to the more wholesome skeletons here. “They’re keeping everyone safe. Isn’t that the job of the royal guard? Keeping people safe?”

His face turned red and he looked in the direction of the others. You looked over at them to find that they were both blushing.

“Y… YEAH,” said Blueberry. “WE’RE KEEPING PEOPLE SAFE.”

“THAT IS WHAT A ROYAL GUARDSMAN WOULD DO,” said Papyrus, fiddling with his red scarf.

Edge just looked at you… and then stormed off, back inside the house. Oh. You had expected more arguing.

Had you hurt his feelings?

Nah.

You turned back to the others, who were still blushing. “So what’s this puzzle?”

“IT’S NOT FINISHED YET,” said Blueberry. “WE JUST WANTED YOU TO COME SEE IT!”

Papyrus started pointing at various mechanisms (seriously, it was like there was stuff built into the ground) and explaining. There was a lot to take in, although thankfully there were signs posted along the way to explain the objective to the person being… puzzled(?).

“BUILDING PUZZLES IS DIFFERENT NOW,” he said. “BACK IN SNOWDIN WE COULD USE THINGS LIKE ICE AS A MECHANISM! BUT IT DOESN’T SNOW ALL THE TIME HERE, SO NO LONGER!”

Oh yeah, they had been sentries, right? “Did you guys build puzzles together back in the Underground?” you asked. “Like, did you work together?”

“UNFORTUNATELY NOT,” said Papyrus.

“YEAH, I WISH!” said Blueberry.

“BUT NOW WE CAN! AND WE CAN MAKE EVEN BETTER PUZZLES!”

“YEAH! TWO SKULLS ARE BETTER THAN ONE!”

“NYEH HEH HEH!”

“MWEH HEH HEH!”

Their laughs were still adorable. And it was nice they’d found a friend with the same hobby! That was always fun.

“Have you guys ever designed video game puzzles?” you asked.

“WELL,” said Blueberry, “WE DON’T REALLY KNOW HOW TO MAKE VIDEO GAMES!”

“Some games have it built in. Like you can make tests for some puzzle games. And put them online where other people can play them!”

Blueberry seemed confused. “THERE ARE PUZZLE VIDEO GAMES?”

“Yeah, those are a thing.”

“WHOA!”

“WE SHOULD ASK RED ABOUT THEM!” said Papyrus.

“Red?” you said.

“YES!” said Papyrus. “HE LOVES VIDEO GAMES!”

_ Oh. Cool! _

You had the feeling he didn’t play puzzle games, though.

“Well,” you said, “this looks like an awesome puzzle.” You looked around. “You guys have a pretty sweet backyard in general.”

“I KNOW RIGHT?” said Blueberry. “IT’S REALLY BIG!”

“GREAT FOR PUZZLE-BUILDING!” added Papyrus.

There was no fence, so you assumed either Doomfanger was an indoor cat, or could be trusted to roam freely. Judging by how clean he seemed, it was probably the former.  _ Wild animal. Pff. _

You then noticed a small shed at the edge of the backyard. “Do you guys keep gardening tools in there or something?”

Papyrus and Blueberry looked over.

“OH, NO, WE DON’T!” said Papyrus. “THAT’S WHERE SANS, RED AND STRETCH WORK.”

Work? You thought they were the lazy ones. “Work on what?”

They glanced between each other.

“UM,” said Blueberry. “THEY’RE DOING A SCIENCE PROJECT FOR FUN!”

Oh. Whoa. “A science project? They like science?”

“YES!” said Papyrus, beaming. “THEY LOVE SCI-FI STUFF!”

Huh. You hadn’t gotten that impression. You still had the feeling they were keeping something from you, but maybe it was just something mildly embarrassing.

_ Hey, wait.  _ Sans had mentioned engineering being cool. You remembered that.

“Have you guys ever thought of working on something with them?” you asked.

They shrugged. “WE DON’T KNOW MUCH ABOUT SCIENCE,” said Blueberry.

“What about like, a Rube Goldberg machine or something?”

“A WHAT?”

“Y’know. Like in the movies where they show some genius kid, and he like, rolls a ball down a slide and then the ball hits a spoon and then the spoon hits something else, et cetera, until it like, opens a door or something?”

Papyrus seemed surprised. “THOSE AREN’T JUST IN THE MOVIES?”

“No, people design stuff like that for real. Maybe your brothers would like it too.”

They stared, then beamed.

“PAPY!” Blue cried, and bolted for the door. Papyrus followed. Welp, that was that, you supposed, as they ran inside yelling.

“Hey.”

You jumped and turned around to find Red standing  _ behind you? _ “What the— How do you do that?” Seriously, this time it had been freaky.

“Ways.” You noticed his usual smile was absent. “Listen, you really hurt my brother’s feelin’s.”

_ … Crap, really? _

“Yeah, I know, sometimes he doesn’t seem like he’s got any feelin’s tah hurt.” He didn’t look angry, just bummed. Which… made you feel worse, actually. “But… that’s jus’ what he wants people tah think.” His feet shuffled, but he locked eyes with you. The lack of a smirk on his face was jarring. “Listen, bein’ in the Royal Guard meant a lot to’m. He misses it sometimes. So… whatcha said was like a slap t’the face.”

_ Shit. _ “I’m sorry,” you said.

“Don’ apologize tah me.”

_ Crap, he’s right.  _ You didn’t like Edge but you owed him an apology. Even if he wouldn’t act like an adult, you should. So you nodded. “Where is he?”

“In ‘is room.”

You realized you were frowning. Now you saw a bit of a smile on Red’s face.

“Don’ worry, sweetie, he ain’t cryin’ or nothin’. Just sulkin’.”

He nodded to the house and you headed for it. The two of you went inside and as you walked through the living room, you saw Papyrus and Blueberry excitedly telling their brothers about how Rube Goldberg machines were real. The two didn’t even notice you. Sans and Stretch seemed amused— they’d probably already known— but intrigued.

You headed up the stairs and arrived in front of Edge’s door, and you started to take Red’s jacket off. Red looked surprised.

“Sweetheart,” he said, “I ain’t mad atcha, ya don’t have tah--”

“I just feel bad,” you said, holding the jacket out to him. “And… weird, about apologizing to him while wearing your jacket.

He thought, then nodded. “Yeah, I guess that makes sense.

He then took several steps back and gestured to the door.

You looked at it, raised your fist to knock, and then thought twice. What were you supposed to say? Was  _ “I’m sorry” _ enough? You looked over to ask Red only to find that Red had vanished into thin air. Your eyes widened.  _ OK, that’s seriously not cool, what the fuck. How does he do that? _

Well, no one to ask. So you just knocked.

“GO AWAY, SANS! I TOLD YOU I’M FINE!”

_ I’m such a jerk. _

“It’s not Red, it’s me.” The corner of your mouth quirked up as you specified, “The human.”

No response. Had he heard you? Had you mumbled?

The door opened and you found Edge towering above you again. It didn’t… look like he’d been crying or anything. Could you tell if a skeleton had been crying?

“WHAT? WHAT DO YOU WANT?”

“I want to apologize,” you said, “for what I said earlier. About the Royal Guard. It was insensitive.” You took a deep breath. “I’m sorry.”

He stared for a moment.

“DID SANS PUT YOU UP TO THIS?” he asked, his eye sockets narrowing.

“No,” you lied. Sort of lied? He wasn’t forcing you to apologize. “I realized when you stormed off that I may have hurt your feelings.”

“HURT MY FEELINGS! NYEH! SUCH A NOTION IS RIDICULOUS!”

Right.

“... THAT SAID, YOU ARE FORGIVEN! AFTER ALL, YOU ARE CLEARLY REMORSEFUL AND HAVE COME TO ME TO TELL ME SO!”

Why did that seem like a very Papyrus-like thing to say? A sort of  _ “You said you’re sorry, so it’s OK.” _

“Well,” you said, “thank you.”

“BESIDES,” he said, “I KNOW EXACTLY WHY YOU HAVE BEEN SO HOSTILE TOWARDS ME!”

_ Hostile? _ You didn’t really think you’d been hostile. Had you hurt his feelings more than once? No, you figured Red would have told you about that too. Still, you couldn’t help but be curious. “Why’s that?”

He pulled out his phone. “YOU ARE!... YOU ARE…”

He squinted at his phone screen. You raised an eyebrow.

“YOU ARE TSUNDERE.”

You almost choked on thin air.

“Edge,” you said, “where did you learn that word?”

“NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS! BUT I HAVE FOUND YOU OUT! CLEARLY YOU ARE MADLY IN LOVE WITH ME, BUT YOU ARE IN DENIAL, AND EMOTIONALLY IMMATURE! THUS YOU INSIST THAT YOU HATE ME!” He almost seemed happy about this. He had a smile on his face and everything.

The smile faltered when Stretch’s voice called from downstairs: “Projecting much?”

Laughter sounded from downstairs-- could you hear Blueberry snickering?-- although you could hear Red’s lukewarm protests. Edge’s face turned red again.

_ Wait. _

That had actually been a valid question. Was Edge projecting? No. That would mean that Blueberry, Red  _ and _ Edge-- Well, Red was a flirt in general. That was true. And Edge probably didn’t talk to females for extended periods of time, so maybe he was just… latching onto the first one he had the opportunity to? Yeah. Something like that. And he was just easily embarrassed.

Yeah. That made more sense. But…

“If you like me you could just say so,” you said.

“I DO NOT!” he protested. “YOU JUST WANT ME TO CONFESS SO THAT YOU WILL FEEL COMFORTABLE CONFESSING BACK!”

_ … OK maybe he is projecting. _

“Don’ worry, Boss,” called Red, and you turned to find him standing on the staircase. Had he been there before? He winked at you. “I’ll jus’ make ‘er fall in love with me instead.”

“BE QUIET,” barked Edge. Red just grinned.

You decided to end the discussion by reaching up and patting his shoulder, though it was a bit difficult to reach. “Nice talk.”

The second you touched him he turned beet red. “DON’T TOUCH ME!” he shrieked, and you withdrew your hand. OK. Yes. He was officially projecting. It occurred to you that his reaction to you flirting with him would probably be hysterical, but you didn’t actually have the guts to try. You weren’t that kind of person. So you just turned and headed back down the stairs. This time Red hadn’t done any weird disappearing-and-reappearing act-- he just waited until you reached him and then wrapped his arm around you again. He pressed another kiss to your cheek.

“Thanks, baby,” he told you. Your face got warm, but you shrugged nonchalantly.

There was a cough and you both turned. Apparently everyone had gathered near the stairs-- probably when Edge had started accusing you of being tsundere (Seriously, where had he heard that word?)-- and were now glaring at you and Red.

No, really at Red. And it was all of them. Even Blueberry and Papyrus were eying him with some hostility. OK, what the heck.

“Guys,” you said, “what’s with all the weird looks?”

Their glares instantly vanished.

“WHAT LOOKS?” asked Blueberry, and you couldn’t tell if he legitimately didn’t know, or if he was playing dumb. He wasn’t stupid.

“You keep shooting each other weird looks. What’s with that? If Sans and Stretch hadn’t explained things to me last night I would start assuming you were all crushing on me, and like,  _ very _ jealous about it.”

Their faces all turned various shades of blue, red, and orange, and all eyes went to Sans and Stretch.

“We explained that skeletons are more comfortable with physical contact,” said Stretch, and Sans nodded.

To your surprise, Red laughed, and you looked over at him. “Oh geez,” he said, “I thought you’d explained somethin’ more, uh, biological..” A wink, and you rolled your eyes, but your face got warm. No, they hadn’t explained… that.  _ Wait, can skeletons actually have sex? _

He pulled you closer.

“Yeah, babe, we don’ mind getting touchy-feely.”

“I know  _ you _ don’t,” you said with a smile, and he flashed his sharp teeth at you in a grin.

“You know me well.”

A pair of arms was suddenly flung around you and Red let go, surprised. Blueberry had decided to steal you for a hug.

“NOW I CAN HUG YOU AND YOU WON’T THINK IT’S WEIRD!”

You smiled. “I don’t think I would find it weird regardless. You seem like someone who likes hugs.”

“I AM!” His cheeks dusted blue.

“I LIKE HUGS TOO!” yelled Papyrus, and soon enough you were wrapped up in his arms too. You were basically trapped at this point. You laughed; since Blueberry was the easiest to reach you hugged him back. In the tangled mess the towel around your hair came undone and fell onto the floor, and you snorted. You’d forgotten you’d been walking around like that all day. You probably looked ridiculous.

“HAH… YOU GIVE GOOD HUGS.”

“So do both of you,” you responded with a smile. You turned to smile at Stretch and Sans, who did seem amused, but they were blushing. When they saw you looking at them their blushes darkened. Geez. Skeletons just blushed easily, you supposed. That would actually make sense, seeing as they had no skin.

Well, monsters didn’t have blood either, so you supposed logic didn’t count for anything here.

“WE SHOULD HAVE A SLUMBER PARTY SOMETIME!” said Blueberry.

“That would be fun.”

“Well,” said Sans, “she is staying the night again.”

That was true, you were.

“WE COULD WATCH MORE METTATON!” Papyrus said.

“Ah, ah, ah.”

You looked over at Red, who was grinning.

“I think we should mix it up this time.”

“OH! YOU HAVE A SUGGESTION?”

“Yeah.” His grin darkened. “We should watch a scary movie.”

Blueberry glared slightly. “DEPENDS ON WHAT KIND! I DON’T WANT TO WATCH PEOPLE SAWING THEIR OWN LEGS OFF!”

_ Ew. _ “I don’t want to see that either,” you agreed.

“S’fine, we don’t hafta. We can watch whatever one you guys pick.”

You raised an eyebrow. “Do you just want me to get scared and cling to you?”

He shrugged, beaming. “Guilty.”

“DON’T WORRY!” said Papyrus. “IF YOU GET SCARED YOU DON’T HAVE TO HUG RED! YOU CAN HUG ME INSTEAD!”

“OR ME!” said Blueberry.

You grinned playfully and pointed at Sans and Stretch. “Or one of them.”

They both blushed again.

You remembered something.

“Hey, Blueberry. Didn’t you say you were pretty sure you could carry me?”

The stars in Blueberry’s eyes got bigger. “YEAH! I DID! CAN I TRY?”

“Sure.”

Papyrus let go of you and Blueberry immediately scooped you up in both arms. You let out a small yell of surprise, but sure enough, despite being made of only bone and being only your height, Blueberry could hold you just fine. He had you in his arms bridal style, the way Red had earlier.

“Well,” you said, smiling, “looks like you can hold me.”

“YEAH!” His face turned a slight blue. “HAH… I’M CARRYING YOU LIKE A PRINCESS.”

Your face turned warm.

“AND I AM THE HANDSOME PRINCE!” he added, and you immediately felt less embarrassed.

“That you are,” you replied.

The rest of the day passed  _ relatively _ uneventfully, and eventually your hair dried and you were able to get rid of the towel. But _uneventful_ doesn't mean boring. The skeletons were never boring-- there were too many of them and their personalities contrasted too much for that.

As evening approached, everyone got ready to watch a movie. Beanbags were readjusted, popcorn was popped. Everything was ready.

“AWW!” cried Papyrus. “IT’S EDGE’S CAT!”

You looked over and saw that Edge had entered the living room, cradling Doomfanger in both arms.  _ That’s adorable. _

“HE’S SO BEAUTIFUL ALL THE TIME!” Papyrus said.

“THANK YOU,” Edge replied smugly. “I KNOW HE IS.”

You coughed to disguise a laugh, and you immediately remembered Red doing the same just two nights ago.

“I thought we agreed to keep the cat upstairs,” Sans said, grimacing. The moment he did you understood why: Doomfanger, relaxed just a few moments ago, started to hiss, directing his gaze at the three Sans-es.

“Does Doomfanger not like other people?” you asked, before realizing that didn’t make sense. Doomfanger liked you just fine.

“He hates  _ us _ ,” said Red.

_ Oh. _

_ The Sans-es. _

“Why?” you asked.

They all shrugged, looking almost offended by Doomfanger's unjust hostility.

“IT’S PERFECTLY FINE,” said Edge. “I WILL JUST TAKE HIM TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ROOM, SEEING AS PAPYRUS AND STRETCH GET ALONG WITH HIM PERFECTLY!” 

He moved away from the Sans-es and Doomfanger quit hissing.  _ Weird _ . You would assume it was their demeanor that Doomfanger disliked, were it not for the fact that Blueberry and Stretch were basically Sans and Papyrus swapped around.

“YOU MAY JOIN US AS WELL,” Edge said to you, “SEEING AS HE APPROVES OF YOU.” A moment of thought, then, “IN FACT! SEEING AS WE ARE WATCHING A HORROR FILM, YOU SHOULD… PROBABLY KEEP CLOSE TO ME! YOU WILL NO DOUBT BECOME FRIGHTENED, AND SEEING AS I AM THE LARGEST AND STRONGEST ONE HERE, LOGICALLY I AM THE BEST CHANCE OF SURVIVAL YOU WOULD HAVE AGAINST AN ATTACKER!”

“Y’mean like Axe?” said Stretch.

As if to punctuate the name, there was a sudden booming sound from outside. Thunder. Well, you supposed it was the perfect time for a scary movie. Everyone around you started, and you could’ve sworn that Sans’ and Red’s eyelights did something very odd for a moment, but it was too fast for you to see.

“Still hate that fuckin’ noise,” muttered Red. You’d heard stuff about monsters finding the sound of thunder akin to that of a cave-in. It always bummed you out to think about it. So you looked over at Edge holding Doomfanger. That cheered you up.

“YES! AS I SAID, I AM THE STRONGEST ONE OF US! AND I AM EXPERIENCED WITH WEAPONRY! I COULD FIGHT HIM OFF!”

Fine, you would indulge him. At least the upside was that he wouldn’t tease you like Red.

Also he had a cat, so.

You were seated between him and Stretch, and Doomfanger happily crawled across your lap to get to Stretch, immediately rubbing against him.

“Hiya, kitty cat,” Stretch mumbled, and pet him gently. You joined in.

“IT’S NOT FAIR,” lamented Blueberry. “WHY DOESN’T HE LIKE ME?”

There was some debate about which movie to watch, but you eventually settled on a found footage monster movie (to your relief, they didn’t find the term “monster movie” offensive). You figured that was safe enough; it was a giant creature attacking a huge city, like Godzilla. Surely it would feel more like an action movie than a horror film, right?

You were wrong.

Thanks to the fact that the beginning spent a good half hour or so introducing you to the characters and the simple things they wanted from life, you felt  _ horrible _ every time one of them died. Every time they were in danger your whole body tensed up.

Eventually, you felt a gloved hand pull you slightly closer, and then the arm it was attached to rest on your shoulders. You didn’t even protest, you were far too busy watching the screen and hoping everybody would make it out of the current encounter alive.

“NO!” Blueberry cried as the credits started to roll. “THAT WAS SO SAD!”

“IT WAS!” said Papyrus.

“Hey,” said Stretch, “they maybe made it out alive.”

“STILL,” said Blue, “SO MANY PEOPLE DIED!” He wasn’t tearing up or anything, but he seemed genuinely distressed.

Red looked uncomfortable. “Um… fun fact, the creature’s jus’ a baby.”

“Huh?” you said.

“Yeah, s’jus’ a baby. Jus’... hatched, or woke up, or whatever. ‘N it’s already that big.” He pulled out his phone. “People’ve made plushies of it and everything.”

“Wait, really?”

“Yeah. They’re cute.” He found a photo and showed it. The same creature from the film, but in a simplified art style, and with a bigger head and bigger eyes.

“AW,” said Papyrus, “THAT IS CUTE!”

“Director said it’s jus’ scared an’ confused the whole time.”

“AW,” said Blueberry. His expression had gone from distraught to empathetic. “POOR BABY CREATURE!”

Huh. That was interesting. And the plushie was cute.

“I guess there isn’t much of a bad guy in this movie then,” you said.

“I think I heard some stuff ‘bout somethin’ on the Internet, but yeah.” He shrugged. “‘N hey, sometimes there ain’t a bad guy in life too.”

_ Hm. _

You realized Edge still had his arm over your shoulders.  _ Oh yeah. _ “Um,” you said. “Edge.”

“YES?”

You waited for him to realize and remove his arm.

“WHAT?”

“Your arm. It’s on my shoulders.”

“YES! AS I SAID, I WILL PROTECT YOU FROM DANGER!”

“Well, the, uh, danger’s gone.”

“I DISAGREE! THE MURDEROUS US-ES COULD BE PROWLING AROUND THE HOUSE AT THIS VERY MOMENT!”

Another bout of thunder. Wow, the universe really wanted you to be scared of Axe and his brother, huh?

“They’d fit in a horror movie,” said Stretch.

Red grinned. “We should jus’ call ‘em Horror Sans ‘n Horror Paps.”

“I DON’T THINK IT’S NICE TO SAY THAT,” said Blueberry. “MAYBE THEY’RE LIKE THE CREATURE FROM THE MOVIE. SCARY, BUT NOT EVIL. MAYBE THEY’RE SCARED TOO.”

That was a decent point. Just because Axe was hostile didn’t necessarily mean he was downright evil. And you could tell the Papyrus wasn’t evil at all.

“I AGREE!” said Papyrus.

“You two make a good point,” said Sans. “But we shouldn’t be worrying about them anyway. We should sleep.”

“YOU ALWAYS SLEEP ALL NIGHT LONG!” scolded Papyrus.

“Yep. That’s how sleeping works.”

Stretch and Red snickered.

“Well,” you said, standing up, “I do need to sleep.”

Red grinned. “If yer still scared ya can always sleep with me, baby.”

“I think I’ll pass.” You had the feeling he’d at least try to get handsy.

“Awww.”

“YOU CAN SLEEP IN MY BED AGAIN!” said Blueberry.

“Are you sure?” you said.

“OF COURSE!”

“And this time you can actually walk yourself there,” said Stretch, and you felt your face get hot. You saw Sans’ face turn blue and tried to pretend you hadn’t noticed.

“YOU COULD SLEEP IN MY BED,” Edge argued. “IT IS JUST AS CLEAN!”

“I think it’s easier if I just go with the same one from last night,” you said. “But thank you.”

As you headed upstairs and said goodnight to the skeletons, what Blueberry had said stuck with you for some reason. Maybe he was right. Maybe Axe and his Papyrus were like the creature.

Maybe they were just worried and confused.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, sorry for how long the chapter was oh my gosh. I hope it didn't seem too much like rambling....
> 
> Cloverfield is a good movie, if found footage doesn't give you motion sickness then you should totally watch it.
> 
> And in case you missed the HT bros during this chapter, don't worry! They will be returning very, very soon. [cue thunderclap and lightning flash]


	7. Serious Issues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Axe has 99 problems and you're not one.
> 
> For about two seconds.

The next morning you gave the skeletons a goodbye (for now), and headed home before heading to work. And from there, things went largely back to normal. Axe didn’t show up at your apartment, or anything of the sort. You’d figured the skeletons had been paranoid. How the heck would the guy even find you?

So you spent the rest of the week as usual, aside from the orders to the skeletons’ house, which always resulted in teasing from your coworkers. That, and answering texts from the skeletons. The texts were always interesting, whether they were terrible puns from Sans or Stretch, long rambles from Blueberry or Papyrus (who now had your number as well, entered in your contacts as “Nyeh-Heh-Heh!”), or flirtatious messages from Red. The, uh, kiss a few days ago had only encouraged him to keep making advances. You weren’t sure how to explain why you’d kissed him. How were you supposed to tell him that you’d kissed him because _Axe_ , the guy he’d been worried about, had asked you to? That would not go over well.

Besides, you felt horrible about this, but you kind of didn’t… want him to stop flirting with you? Was that wrong? You weren’t sure.

As the end of Saturday evening approached, you were happy to finish your work for the week and head back to your apartment. Pizza delivery was more tiring than you’d first anticipated when starting the job. At least now, you would be able to sleep.

You got out of your car and headed inside, going upstairs to your apartment. It wasn’t really a big building like some apartments, nor was it much like a house. The front of the building had all the doors to the apartments; the staircase was right there next to the parking lot and led up to a platform in front of the doors to the higher apartments. You made for yours, grabbing your key, but as you moved to reach for the doorknob you realized the door wasn’t… locked. Or even closed, for that matter.

For a millisecond, you were just confused. Had you been stupid enough to leave the door _open_ behind you? How had that happened?

Then you saw the giant knife stuck in the door, pinning a note to it. The note was in very familiar handwriting, and was not particularly friendly:

_You broke into my home._

_So I broke into yours._

_How does it feel?_

What the— OK, yeah, it had been wrong to break into his house, but still, what the _fuck?_ What was this guy’s problem?

Wait, was he inside? Did he have another weapon or something?

You opted not to go inside and instead ran for your car, driving it somewhere public and with bright lights. There was only one phone number you could think to dial.

That being 911. Someone had broken into your house. So yeah.

The police went to your apartment and you met them there, and did your best to explain. There were some things you felt that you needed to leave out, since the entire situation with the skeletons was weird, but you tried to explain that you had met this guy and he really hated you for some reason. When asked about the note, you confessed to having entered his house thinking that it had been abandoned. Which you had— that was what made this break-in even more egregious. You couldn’t remember the address, but that was sort of a good thing, seeing as you weren’t sure how much you wanted the cops to know about the copies-of-each-other stuff. And so you didn’t have to lie. You gave them its general location, but you had the feeling they would be moving from there.

At least he wasn’t in your apartment— or, he’d left before the police arrived. Who knew?

As the police were searching and talking to each other, you decided it _was_ probably best you call some of the skeletons. This did have to do with them, after all. Not sure who to dial first, you just dialed Sans. He didn’t pick up. You should’ve figured, honestly. It was probably best to call one of the skeletons who _never_ slept. You did an eenie-meenie-miney-mo because for some reason picking did seem like a legitimate choice, and Blueberry was the result, so you dialed him. Sure enough, he picked up within the first three rings.

“HI (Y/N)! HOW ARE YOU?”

You instinctively started to say “Good,” then remembered why you were calling. “Well, I’m… OK.”

He immediately sounded concerned. “OK? YOU USUALLY SAY YOU’RE GOOD. DID SOMETHING HAPPEN?”

“Uh… Sorta, yeah. Remember Axe?”

“YEAH?”

“Well, he, uh, sorta broke into my apartment.”

“WHAT?” He sounded really upset. Maybe you shouldn’t have called him specifically. “OH MY GOD, ARE YOU OK?”

“Yeah, he wasn’t in my apartment— at least, I don’t think so. I didn’t go inside. He just opened the door and left me a… well, not a threatening note, just a mean one.” Mean was an understatement.

“WELL GOOD YOU DIDN’T GO INSIDE! I WAS GOING TO BE UPSET WITH YOU IF YOU DID! PAPY AND I ARE COMING!”

Oh, no. “No, you don’t have to wake Stretch up, I just wanted to let you know.”

“NO, HE’S UP! I CONVINCED HIM TO SO WE COULD HANG OUT, JUST THE TWO OF US!” He paused, then spoke, his voice a bit farther away from the phone: “SHE SAYS AXE BROKE INTO HER APARTMENT!”

And then he hung up. _Huh?_

“Blue?” you said into the phone, despite the fact that the call had clearly ended. “Stretch?”

“Heya.”

You turned and saw Stretch and Blueberry standing right next to you. You almost dropped your phone right onto the asphalt. “What the fuck?” you said, before shutting your mouth. Oops.

Blueberry didn’t look bothered by the swear, just threw his arms around you. You hugged him back and turned to Stretch.

“How the heck did you get here in literally two seconds?” you asked. So you weren’t paranoid, at least some of the skeletons seemed capable of traveling long distances in a short amount of time. Like… teleportation? It sounded ridiculous even in your head. Was that a magic ability? Could monsters do that?

“Technically I think it took longer than two seconds.”

“You know what I—“

“You’re not hurt, right?”

He was dodging your question, but you didn’t really have the energy to call him out on it. “No, I’m OK.”

Stretch looked over at your apartment. “This guy has some serious issues.”

Blueberry let go of you and you saw an expression you weren’t used to seeing on his face: One of anger.

“OK, THAT IS IT! I THOUGHT MAYBE WE COULD CUT HIM SOME SLACK, AND MAYBE, HE WAS JUST CONFUSED, AND CONCERNED. I TRY TO BE NICE! I TRY NOT TO JUDGE PEOPLE! BUT… BUT THIS? THIS IS IT! HE NEEDS SOMEBODY TO TEACH HIM A LESSON!”

You exchanged a shocked glance with Stretch. Stretch repeated: “Teach him a lesson?”

“YES! HE NEEDS SOMEONE TO TALK TO HIM ABOUT HOW THIS IS NOT THE HEALTHY WAY TO RESPOND TO… WHATEVER IT IS HE’S GOING THROUGH! HE’S OBVIOUSLY GOING THROUGH SOMETHING BUT THAT DOESN’T MAKE IT OK TO SCARE PEOPLE!”

Alright, that sounded more like Blueberry. He was upset, but he was still Blueberry.

His brow relaxed and he squinted, but it looked more sad this time. “SHOULD I BE MORE MAD? MAYBE I’M TOO NICE.”

Stretch put a hand on his shoulder. “Hey, man, no way. You’re super cool. The world needs more people like you.”

His eyes instantly brightened and his smile returned. “YEAH! WHAT AM I SAYING? I’M NOT TOO MUCH OF ANYTHING! I’M THE PERFECT BALANCE OF EVERYTHING GREAT!”

_Phew._

Stretch seemed just as relieved, and he looked at you. “You should get some spare clothes, we’re not letting you stay here. It’s not safe.”

You blinked. “Oh. Oh, oh no. You don’t have to—“

“Where are you supposed to go?”

“I mean,” you said, “I’m sure I can stay at a small hotel or… something like that. Just for tonight.”

“Yeah, no. That costs money.” He shrugged. “I mean, you _can_ say no to us, obviously. We’re not your mom. But we’d much prefer you come with us.”

Blueberry nodded in agreement.

Well, you also preferred the idea of staying with them.

“Are you sure?” you said.

“100 percent.”

“OK. I’ll get some stuff.”

You told the cops that these were your friends and not the intruder coming back to the scene of the crime with an accomplice. To your relief, none of them seemed to protest. You’d been worried some of them would be… y’know. Racist or something. But it seemed like these ones were either not, or keeping it to themselves. So you went inside, grabbed clothes and stuff for your hair, shoved them all into a duffel bag, and then went back outside.

“I guess I can drive us there,” you said.

“Nah,” said Stretch. “Just… don’t tell the others.”

He took your hand and Blueberry’s hand.

There was the sudden sensation of just… not existing. It’s impossible to describe. Just, blackness, with seemingly no out. You didn’t feel sick, because you didn’t feel anything.

And then you were in the foyer of the skeletons’ house. You almost fell over from sheer confusion, but you managed to stumble and right yourself.

“What… OK, so, how—“

“I’m gonna _fuckin’_ dust ‘im!”

It had come from the living room.

“OH YEAH,” said Blue. “RED’S REALLY MAD.”

_What?_ “You woke up Red?”

“And Vanilla,” said Stretch. “This concerns them too, we think it’s important.”

As you walked towards the living room, you heard another voice: “I WILL PERSONALLY SHATTER HIS SKULL INTO A MILLION PIECES!”

_Edge?_ You looked at Blueberry and Stretch.

Stretch answered the unspoken question: “When we woke Red up and we told him what happened, he freaked and told Edge. Edge doesn’t sleep, remember?”

Oh yeah.

As you walked in, you realized that Red, Sans, Edge, and Papyrus were all there. So everyone was here. Red was in the middle of speaking. “‘... he had intestines I’d fuckin’ rip ‘em out and strangle ‘im with them!”

You had the feeling that as intimidating (and probably legitimately dangerous) Red could be, he wouldn’t actually do that. But just in case...

“Please don’t,” you said, and your voice caught the attention of the others. They all looked over at you, and Papyrus leapt to his feet.

“(Y/N)! ARE YOU HURT?”

“No,” you said, giving them a reassuring smile. “It’s OK. Axe either wasn’t there or he left before the police arrived.”

“OH! GOOD!”

He ran over and scooped you into a hug. You smiled. He and Blueberry really worried for everyone they cared about.

“I’M JUST GLAD YOU’RE SAFE!”

“Thanks, Papyrus,” you told him.

You heard Red: “Yeah, well, I’ll only be glad when he’s fuckin’ dust.”

“We are not killing anyone,” said Sans, sounding exasperated. They had clearly already gone over this. He then added, a bit more quietly, “As tempting as it is.”

The thought of Sans killing someone actually seemed more like a joke than anything. It was just Red and Edge you were worried about. You’d noticed all the scratches on their bones-- particularly Red’s, since he, uh, got close to you often. They were small, but noticeable. The two had been in actual fights before, and probably won, seeing as they were alive and mostly uninjured (besides Red’s gold tooth and the scar over Edge’s eye).

You just hoped they hadn’t finished their opponents off for good.

“Hey,” you said, “violence would just be stooping to his--”

“HUMAN!” barked Edge, and pointed at the floor in front of himself. “COME HERE!”

You gave him a deadpan look. “Only if you say please.” You were not going to obey _commands_ , only requests.

Everyone looked over at him, seeming curious. This seemed to surprise him, and he glanced around for a few seconds, turning pink.

He eventually looked down at the floor in shame and said, “... PLEASE.”

“OK,” you said, and walked up to him. “What is it?”

Edge reached over and tilted your chin up, and you felt your face get hot. Why the heck was it hot? You couldn’t even make eye contact as he inspected you.

“I DO NOT SEE A SCRATCH,” he said. He sounded… disappointed? You managed to make eye contact and raise an eyebrow.

“Were you hoping I was injured?”

He turned pink again. “ONLY AS A JUSTIFICATION FOR MURDERING THE PERPETRATOR! IT DID NOT HAVE TO BE SEVERE! ONLY A SCRATCH!”

You couldn’t help but smile. “Are you worried about me?”

This only got him to turn redder. “O… OF COURSE NOT! THIS IS MERELY AN EXCUSE TO FIGHT SOMEONE, SINCE SANS AND I ARE SURROUNDED BY WEAKLINGS WHO REQUIRE A JUSTIFICATION FOR VIOLENCE!”

Sans glared. “We’ve been over this. This place isn’t like your…” He glanced at you. “... part of the Underground.”

_Mm._

You decided to back him up. You didn’t want these guys to fight and get hurt. Or hurt someone else. “Besides,” you said, “Axe and his brother are probably going to leave their house, so the cops don’t find them. They might already have.”

Sans smiled and walked over to you. “Don’t worry, kiddo. We’re not gonna go hunt them down and fight them.”

For some reason, you believed him. He did seem to be the one _“in charge”_ for some reason. Or, as in charge as one of these guys could be.

Red grumbled under his breath. Maybe he and Edge needed to see therapists or something. Their time in the Underground had probably really messed them up.

Though convincing them to go see a therapist might be difficult.

You felt your cheek tingle and you realized Sans was gently brushing some of your hair from your face.

“You should be getting sleep,” he said. “You’re probably tired.”

The hair was now out of your face, but his hand was lingering. Your face felt warm.

“Sorry. It just… looked annoying to have that blocking your eyesight.”

You glanced at his fingers still resting on your cheek and he removed them, turning blue. Was he just kind of an awkward person? If physical contact was normal then why did he get so shy about it sometimes? He didn’t… _like_ you, right?

No, that was insane. Blueberry liked you. You were pretty sure Papyrus liked you. Edge… seemed to like you? In a weird way?...

Nope. None of that made any sense whatsoever. They were completely different guys, and if Sans liked you that would make _four._ Four guys. That was stupid. You almost felt narcissistic for wondering at all.

You were suddenly thrown off balance as someone picked you up bridal style. Papyrus.

“I CAN CARRY YOU TO MY ROOM,” he said, turning orange. “YOU CAN SLEEP IN THERE THIS TIME!”

“Are you sure?” you asked, but seeing as it was Papyrus, you had the feeling the answer was yes.

“OF COURSE! YOU ARE THE GUEST! AND… YOU ARE…”

He avoided eye contact for a moment, then returned to his more confident attitude.

“VERY CLEAN! YOU ARE A VERY NICE GUEST ABOUT LEAVING THINGS AS YOU FOUND THEM!”

You weren’t sure if that had been his first thought, but you told yourself it was. “OK then.”

Papyrus happily took you up the stairs, which pretty much only took him a few strides because his legs were so friggin’ long. He eventually took you into his room, which was as spotless as Blueberry’s, but…

“Is that a _car bed?_ ” you said without thinking.

“YES!” said Papyrus, beaming. “I HAVE HAD IT FOR A VERY LONG TIME! IT’S STILL MY FAVORITE BED!”

“That is _awesome_ ,” you said, a grin tugging at the corners of your mouth. A giggle escaped you.

He turned orange. “AND NOW YOU WILL GET TO SLEEP IN IT!”

“Lucky me,” you said. There was no sarcasm to it.

“NYEH HEH HEH! YES! LUCKY YOU!”

Papyrus didn’t just let you get in the bed-- he tucked you in. He was very gentle about it too.

“You’re very good at this,” you told him with a smile.

“THANK YOU! I LEARNED IT FROM MY BROTHER!”

_Wait, really?_ Had Sans tucked him in when they were younger? The thought was cute. All these brothers really seemed to love each other. Even Red and Edge.

He smiled, his voice growing a bit quieter. “Goodnight.”

To your surprise, he cupped your cheek, which caused your face to warm up in a matter of seconds. He then leaned down and kissed your forehead. You could tell your face was probably a bright red. Not sure how to respond, you just nodded.

He made for the door, turned off the light, and closed the door behind him as he left.

You swallowed. Um… what were you doing again?

Right. Going to sleep.

* * *

Axe was feeling good tonight.

If you hadn’t gotten the message before, you certainly had now. This very loud and clear _Leave us alone_ would be enough. Deep down, he wasn’t sure if he would actually hurt you-- that seemed a bit much-- but he would scare you off if he had to. And he’d had to.

“YOU SEEM LIKE YOU’RE IN A GOOD MOOD!”

He looked over at Paps as he cut into his rabbit meat. “I’m doing better than last week, yeah.”

“WELL, I’M GLAD! YOU SEEMED VERY UPSET ABOUT THAT GIRL!” He smiled a little. “SHE… DOESN’T SEEM SO BAD NOW, DOES SHE?”

“Well, I don’t like her, but I think she’s gonna leave us alone. So I’m feeling better.”

For a second, Paps looked confused. “WHY WOULD SHE…”

Axe’s smile faltered as he saw a look of horrified realization creep onto his brother’s visage.

“DID YOU DO SOMETHING, SANS?”

“Relax, it’s not like I killed her or anything.”

A glare. Axe wasn’t used to that look, and he didn’t like it.

“THAT WASN’T MY QUESTION. MY QUESTION WAS, ‘DID YOU DO SOMETHING?’”

Axe shrugged.

Paps frowned. “SANS, WHAT DID YOU DO?”

“Nothin’.”

The frown only grew. “WHY ARE YOU LYING TO ME?”

“I’m not.”

He saw Papyrus’ teeth grit together.

“WE NEED TO TALK.”

Axe said nothing. He didn’t like talking…. 

“THIS NEEDS TO STOP.”

“What needs to stop?”

“YOU BEING SO ANGRY ALL THE TIME! WHAT ELSE?” Paps looked… hurt. _Shit._ “YOU NEVER USED TO LIE TO ME. AT LEAST, I DON’T THINK SO. OLD SANS DIDN’T LIE TO ME. OLD SANS WASN’T SO… SO UPSET! ALL THE TIME!” He hesitated, then said, “I KNOW I NAGGED YOU WHEN YOU WERE LAZY AND RELAXED, BUT THAT WAS BECAUSE I WANTED YOU TO CARE ABOUT THINGS! NOT BECAUSE I WANTED YOU TO BE UNHAPPY!”

“Well, I care about things now.”

“BUT NOT LIKE THIS! YOU SHOULDN’T CARE ABOUT THINGS BECAUSE YOU’RE ANGRY, YOU SHOULD CARE BECAUSE YOU WANT TO DO THE RIGHT THING! AND YOU DON’T!”

_… Ouch._

“YOU’RE JUST… BITTER NOW! THAT DOESN’T HELP, SANS. WALLOWING IN MISERY DOESN’T HELP YOU, OR ME, OR ANYONE! YOU DON’T SEE _ME_ COMPLAINING ABOUT ALL THE THINGS WE’VE BEEN THROUGH!”

Years ago, during a normal argument, Axe would’ve joked that technically, he was seeing Paps complain right now.

But this wasn’t a normal sibling argument over dirty socks or unwashed bedsheets.

“WE’RE FAMILY, AND I LOVE YOU, AND I WANT TO HELP YOU, BUT… IT’S ALMOST LIKE YOU DON’T WANT HELP!” Paps looked like he might cry. “HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO HELP YOU IF YOU WON’T LET ME?”

“I’m sorry,” said Axe.

“DON’T SAY THAT UNLESS YOU MEAN IT!”

Sometimes Axe forgot about how perceptive Paps actually was.

“I do mean it,” he said.

“THEN DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!”

The room was silent.

“I’M SORRY,” said Papyrus, and Axe was hit with a strong pang of guilt.

“No,” he said, “you didn’t do anything wrong. You don’t need to apologize for telling me that I’m being a terrible brother.”

“SEE?”

“What?”

“I NEVER SAID YOU WERE TERRIBLE. WHY DO YOU ALWAYS TAKE THINGS TO THEIR MOST NEGATIVE EXTREME? AND YOU DON’T SAY, ‘THIS IS BAD, SO I’M GOING TO FIX IT,’ YOU JUST SAY, ‘IT’S BAD, AND THERE’S NOTHING I CAN DO ABOUT IT.’ YOU DON’T TRY TO MAKE THINGS BETTER! YOU NEVER TRY!”

More silence.

Paps was right. But… Axe wasn’t Paps. It was so _easy_ for Paps. He could always look on the bright side like it was nothing. Only in the most extreme circumstances did he become upset.

Axe didn’t like being one of those circumstances.

“I’m sorry. And I mean that. I’ll try to be better.” He frowned. “It’s just… not as easy for me to be optimistic as it is for you.”

Paps opened his mouth to say something, but they were interrupted by a knock at the door. Axe didn’t need to open the door to see who it was.

He’d known they’d be back.

Upon hearing the knock, he started to get up, but Paps immediately got up and strode towards the door himself. Probably to avoid Axe being rude to whoever was outside.

That… sort of hurt.

Paps opened the door and immediately said, “OH! YOU’RE BACK! HELLO!”

Axe shuffled over and peeked around his brother to see who was outside, and saw just what he’d expected: The smaller him, the him wearing red, and the one that looked like his brother but acted like him.

Or, like the monster he’d once been.

All of their eyes went to him, which was no surprise. He was the real freak of the two, wasn’t he? With the giant injury and his one red eye.

“We _need_ you to come with us,” Smaller Him said. Axe would’ve found his smile strange had he not also had a grin plastered onto his face. The other two just narrowed their eye sockets. The red one in particular looked like he wanted to fight.

Like he’d last two seconds.

Paps started to speak, but Axe interrupted him. “We don’t care what you need.”

“Look,” said Smaller Him, “if we get the machine working again-- which may only be for a few moments-- we can’t get you back home if you’re not--”

“We don’t _want_ to go back,” said Axe, but Paps… didn’t know when to keep his mouth shut.

“I WANT TO GO BACK.”

Paps immediately stepped outside, and Axe tried to follow. “Paps, we can’t go back.”

“BUT IF WE DON’T EVERYONE WILL STARVE!”

“They’ll find a way. That’s how living creatures work, they don’t want to die.”

“BUT THEY _WILL_ DIE. WE CAN’T JUST _LEAVE_ EVERYONE, SANS. WE CAN’T LEAVE THEM TO DIE!”

“I mean,” said Axe, avoiding eye contact, “we _can._ ”

Paps turned his attention away from the others and completely towards him. “THIS IS WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT TWO SECONDS AGO! YOU DON’T WANT TO DO THE RIGHT THING ANYMORE!”

He frowned, looking wounded.

“WE _CAN’T_ LEAVE THEM, BECAUSE IT WOULD BE _WRONG._ ”

How? How could his sense of right and wrong still be intact? _How?_

“YOU SAID YOU WERE SORRY, AND THAT YOU WANTED TO CHANGE. THIS IS YOUR CHANCE. WE CAN HELP OUR FRIENDS IF WE GET BACK.”

_Ugh._

“Could we talk for a second?” Axe said. “Come here.”

He headed for the doorway and Paps followed. He spoke softly, and Paps leaned down to listen.

“We can go with them. But we do _not_ talk to the girl, and we do _not_ tell them about what we ate back home.”

Paps nodded.

“You understand, right? Especially that second part. They _cannot_ know what we ate. It’ll end badly for us. OK? So no matter what, do _not_ tell them. _Please_ , Paps.”

Paps nodded even more vigorously this time.

“... Then we can go.”

Paps scooped him into a hug “Thank you, Sans.”

Axe smiled a bit. Where would he be without Paps?

Someplace bad, probably.

Paps immediately ran to the other skeletons. They seemed a bit alarmed at first, but they quickly relaxed when they realized it was just Paps being… Paps. He shook each of their hands and they told them their nicknames. Made sense that they would have nicknames.

They all looked over at him. “So,” said Smaller Him, whose nickname was apparently Vanilla. “You’re coming?”

“On one condition,” said Axe.

“Yeah?”

He lifted his massive axe, grinning.

“I get to bring this,” he said.

The other skeletons all exchanged an uncomfortable look.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the slight dearth of cuteness in this one. I feel the sort of redemption arc Axe has got going on needs page time to feel earned. Things will get better with him soon. And the other skellies will all have character development in their own ways, don't worry.
> 
> Because I can't write self-indulgent skeleton fanfiction without things like character development barging in.
> 
> (I'm glad tho)


	8. Pull

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Axe and Crooks eat properly for the first time in forever. Red is Red. The skeletons all have a talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another long chapter! I hope you enjoy!

You were awoken the next morning by a knock at your door. “Yeah?” you mumbled groggily, trying to remember where you were. It was like Monday all over again.

“GOOD MORNING!” yelled Blueberry as he opened the door, and you jumped. “Oh. Sorry.”

“It’s OK,” you said, smiling, and sat up. Your messy hair made you feel a little embarrassed again, but you reminded yourself that Blueberry would be one of the _last_ people to judge you based on appearance.

Without warning, he went and hugged you, giving you a kiss on the cheek. Your face immediately flushed red.

“Are you feeling better?” he said, uncharacteristically quiet.

“Y… Yeah,” you responded. “Thank you.”

“GOOD! IF YOU’RE HUNGRY YOU CAN COME DOWNSTAIRS!” His smile faltered. “THERE’S JUST, UM, ONE THING YOU SHOULD KNOW.”

“What’s that?”

“AXE IS, UM, HERE.”

_Wait, what?_

“Axe is _here?_ ” you repeated. “Why?”

“HE AND HIS BROTHER AGREED TO STAY WITH US NOW!” he said, fiddling with the bandanna around his neck nervously. Was he worried you’d be mad? You were more confused than anything.

“They did?”

“YEAH! SO THAT’S THAT PROBLEM SOLVED!”

You still didn’t get it. “Why do you want him staying here?”

Blueberry hesitated. “UM… IT’S COMPLICATED.”

More stuff you couldn’t know. Got it.

“DON’T WORRY, HE WON’T HURT YOU. NOT ON THE MAGNIFICENT BLUEBERRY’S WATCH!” He beamed, then shrugged. “ALSO I THINK RED MIGHT TRY TO KILL HIM IF HE TRIES TO HURT YOU. HE HAS SOME PROBLEMS WITH ANGER MANAGEMENT.”

“Talkin’ shit about me behind my back, huh?”

The both of you turned and found Red standing in the doorway. Thankfully, he was smiling.

“‘M just jokin’.” He headed over to you. “B’sides, he’s tellin’ the truth. Boss ‘n I would bash the asshole’s skull in, but it seems like somebody else already did it for us.”

Blueberry glared. You didn’t like Axe either, but you didn’t find the insults that amusing.

Red sat on the bed next to you and his smile softened a little. “You feelin’ OK, sweetheart?”

You nodded. “Yeah, mostly.”

Without warning he wrapped his arms around you and kissed your neck. Your face felt hot all over again.

“‘M just glad yer OK,” he told you before kissing your neck again. He, uh, didn’t look like he planned on stopping anytime soon.

“RED!” yelled Blueberry, sounding mortified. “NOT IN FRONT OF PEOPLE! AND NOT ON MY BED!”

Red actually looked embarrassed, and moved away from you. “Uh, right. Sorry.”

Your face was burning, and you looked over at Blueberry to find that his entire face was flushed blue. He also looked mildly ashamed of himself, though you couldn’t figure out why. He wouldn’t look at you or Red.

You got up and smiled at him. “I’m happy to go eat breakfast now, if that’s OK.”

“OK!” He looked like he was trying to hide his nervousness. “AXE AND HIS BROTHER ARE DOWNSTAIRS!”

“You’re calling him Axe now?” you said.

“YEAH! HE ACTUALLY SAID HE LIKES THE NICKNAME!”

Honestly that shouldn’t have surprised you.

You headed downstairs to find that, indeed, Axe and his brother were in the living room, with the rest of the skeletons. Unlike usual, nobody was saying anything. Axe seemed to be attempting a standoff with all of them at once, while his Papyrus appeared fairly awkward. Regular Papyrus looked awkward too. Edge, on the other hand, looked even angrier than usual; when he saw you, he walked up to you, his look less furious.

“HUMAN! I SHOULD HOPE YOU GOT PROPER SLEEP AFTER THE CHAOS LAST NIGHT!”

“Yeah,” you said. “I did.”

“AND YOU… STILL DO NOT FEEL INJURED, YES?”

“No, I’m fine.”

“GOOD! SEEING AS YOU ARE… SO SMALL… I AM SURE INJURING YOU WOULD NOT BE PARTICULARLY DIFFICULT!”

He leaned down a bit.

“THIS… IS WHY YOU MUST STAY NEAR ME!”

“Yeah,” Red said, sounding amused. “ _Real_ near, huh?” He winked at you and then wrapped his arms around you. “Maybe we could have a threesome.”

Your face lit up and Edge immediately stood up straight, his face pink. “SANS! THAT IS DISGUSTING!”

“Honestly, I’m gonna hafta agree with you on that one, boss.” He grinned. “We’re brothers, that’d be pretty gross.” Quietly, so only you could hear: “But y’know… if yer into any of the other Sans-es too… I don’t mind sharin’.”

He laughed when you squeezed your eyes shut.

You heard Axe’s voice. “Would all of you idiots quit? You’re gonna make me sick.”

Everyone in the room shot him a look. You included. You gently pried Red’s hands off of you (“Aww”), and walked up to Axe. 

“OK, look, man, I don’t know what your problem is, but you’re lucky you’re not getting turned in to the cops right now. I didn’t know you and your brother were still living in your abandoned-looking house.” You leaned closer, doing your best to emphasize your point: “ _You_ , on the other hand, broke into my apartment _specifically_ to scare me. Trust me. You want me to leave you alone? I am happy to.”

His bitter smile only grew. “Then why are you talking to me?”

Without really thinking about it, you responded, “Why are _you_ talking to _me?_ ”

His smile vanished, and his Papyrus spoke up:

“YEAH! I THOUGHT YOU WANTED US TO NOT SPEAK WITH HER!”

Axe actually looked kind of embarrassed. _Good._ You instead turned to his brother, smiling, and held out your hand. “Hey. I’m (Y/N).”

“Don’t talk to him,” said Axe. You ignored him. He shot his brother a look.

The Papyrus glanced at his brother a moment, then took your hand, beaming.

“HELLO!” he said. “I AM PAPYRUS!” An awkward smile and an orange blush. “BUT YOU PROBABLY ALREADY KNEW THAT.”

Axe glared, but the Papyrus didn’t acknowledge it.

“Yeah,” you said, smiling. “Do you not have a nickname yet?”

“I call him Paps,” said Axe, his look softening.

“We’ve been over this,” said Sans. “I also call my brother Paps. It’ll get confusing.”

Red spoke up: “I was thinkin’ Crooks.”

Everyone turned to him.

“HUH?” said Blueberry.

“I dunno. I think Crooks sounds cool.”

The Papyrus thought for a moment, then smiled. “CROOKS!”

“Yeah,” said Red, smiling. Funnily enough, the smile seemed genuine. “Axe ‘n Crooks. Gotta nice ring to it, huh?”

“IT DOES!”

Sans smiled. “Crooks it is, then.”

Axe looked annoyed, but he said nothing. When he noticed you looking at him, he just raised a brow.

“When exactly are you leaving?”

You actually weren’t sure.

“She’s leaving,” said Sans, “when we know for certain that you’re not going to follow her.”

Your brow furrowed. “How would he even—“

Axe suddenly disappeared.

“Boo.”

You jumped at the sound in your ear. Axe was right behind you.

“Right,” you muttered as you made distance between the two of you. “The vanishing trick.”

“Aaaaand this is what I meant,” said Sans. “At least if she’s here you can’t take on all of us at once.”

“Maybe I’ll just be quiet about it,” said Axe, his unsettling grin growing.

OK, now he was just messing with you. You glared at him.

“Hm. I’m not so scary now, huh?”

“No.”

He leaned closer to you but you resisted the urge to move away and regain your personal space.

“Listen,” he said, “I’m not stupid, OK? I know what you want from me.”

He leaned close enough that your lips almost touched his teeth— but not in a way that made you flustered, like Red. The tension was not sexual this time.

“And you’re not gonna…”

You raised a brow when he trailed off, and then realized the pupil in the center of his red eye was dilating. He’d quit glaring, too. For a moment, the two of you just maintained eye contact, mere inches away from each other.

He then pulled away in a manner as if you disgusted and frightened him at the same time.

“Fuck you,” he snarled. You gave him an incredulous look. What had you _done?_

“I APOLOGIZE,” said Crooks, standing up. “MY, UM… MY BROTHER IS UNDER THE IMPRESSION THAT YOU HAVE… ULTERIOR MOTIVES… FOR BEFRIENDING THE OTHERS AND HIMSELF.”

“ _Befriending_ him?” you said. “Why would I _befriend_ someone who broke into my home to try and scare me? And what kind of ulterior motives?”

Crooks looked nervous. “I, UM, I BELIEVE THE DETAILS ARE MY BROTHER’S TO EITHER WITHHOLD OR DISCLOSE.”

Well, you supposed that was fair. He wasn’t going to tell you, though, so you didn’t bother asking.

“I DON’T THINK SO!” Crooks continued eagerly. “I THINK YOU SEEM VERY NICE!”

“Oh,” you said. You’d known that, but… Well, you hated Axe but you really liked Crooks. It was a bit of an awkward spot to be in. “Thanks, Crooks.”

His face tinged orange. “YOU’RE WELCOME!”

You tried to ignore the red eye that was glaring daggers at you in the corner of your vision.

“Well,” you said, “I’m going to have breakfast.” You looked around. “Is there anyone else who hasn’t had breakfast?” It would feel awkward eating alone and just eavesdropping on their conversation.

Crooks raised his hand. “I HAVEN’T.”

He hadn’t? “Do you wanna join?” You smiled. Crooks should at least feel welcome.

Axe squinted. “So what, you live here now?”

“I do until you decide you don’t want to murder me for no reason. So if you wanna get rid of me then you should try being nice.”

Stretch grinned. “Yeah, kill her with kindness.”

Axe’s sour expression didn’t change much, but he did seem to be genuinely considering what you’d said. Good.

“Have you had breakfast?” you asked.

His eye sockets narrowed and he spoke bitterly: “I’m good, thanks.”

_At least he said thanks?_

Not that you minded him not tagging along.

“YOU SHOULD EAT!” said Crooks. “I BET THEY HAVE LOTS OF FOOD HERE!”

_… Oh yeah._ They’d been living off wild animals.

Wow, that was sad.

Blueberry piped up: “WE DO! YOU CAN HAVE AS MUCH AS YOU WANT!”

“REALLY?” Crooks sounded thrilled.

“OF COURSE!” yelled Papyrus, and Crooks sprang to his feet.

“LOOK, SANS! THEY’RE OFFERING US FOOD!” He grabbed Axe’s wrist and tugged on it. Axe looked away and you could detect some mild guilt. The look in his eye sockets softened.

He then stood up, plastering on a smile. “Of course, Paps. How could I refuse?”

Wow. Even he loved his brother.

You still didn’t like him, but you could see the Sans in him for a moment.

Blueberry and Papyrus seemed happy to usher the others into the kitchen-- almost relieved. They didn’t seem to like conflict. Crooks was thrilled when they entered and began going through the pantry.

“WOWIE! THEY HAVE _CEREAL_ , SANS! HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN SINCE WE’VE HAD _CEREAL?_ I BET THEY EVEN HAVE FRUIT! OOH!” He turned to Papyrus and Blueberry. “DO YOU HAVE THE OATMEAL--”

“WITH THE DINOSAUR EGGS IN IT?” Papyrus exclaimed.

“YES!”

“OF COURSE WE HAVE IT! IT’S DELICIOUS!”

“CAN… CAN I HAVE SOME?”

Blueberry looked confused, but was smiling. “OF COURSE YOU CAN! YOU LIVE WITH US NOW!”

Crooks beamed.

Wait a second.

Was that a tear?

Now there were two. No, three. _Oh…._ You didn’t know how to respond. Did he like hugs? Probably. But it might upset Axe and he didn’t need that right now.

Papyrus and Blueberry looked just as surprised; Axe looked downright shocked. The two of you even glanced at each other in a brief moment of comradery.

“AW,” said Papyrus. “DON’T CRY!”

He threw his arms around Crooks, and Crooks eagerly returned the hug.

“NOW THAT YOU’RE HERE YOU CAN HAVE ALL THE OATMEAL YOU WANT!”

“YEAH!” said Blueberry. “I THINK WE’RE GOING TO BE GOOD FRIENDS!”

“WE’LL HAVE LOTS OF FUN!”

Crooks just clung to Papyrus, and Blueberry grabbed the oatmeal from the pantry.

“I’LL MAKE THE OATMEAL FOR YOU!”

Crooks nodded and let go of Papyrus before wiping his eye sockets. He looked embarrassed. “I’M SORRY.”

“DON’T BE!” said Papyrus. “IT’S PERFECTLY HEALTHY TO SHED SOME TEARS WHEN YOU NEED TO!”

You could feel Axe watching you again, and you looked over. His red eye was indeed on you, but he wasn’t looking at you with his usual distaste or suspicion. It still wasn’t particularly friendly-- it was more observant than anything-- but it was better than a glare. You gave him one of those awkward, quick “smiles” that you give someone on the street when you make eye contact, and he immediately looked away.

You felt the presence of more people in the room, and when you turned you realized that everyone else had followed you into the kitchen. You had the feeling they’d all seen Crooks’ tears, because Sans, Red and Stretch all had slight frowns on their faces. Crooks no doubt reminded them of their brothers. Seeing him like this…

Sans’ smile returned, and this time it looked less… fake. His smile often looked that way. “Yeah. You guys are welcome here, you can eat all the food you want.”

Axe looked back at the other skeletons, then at you. He then opened the pantry, and from your angle you managed to see his red eye’s pupil dilate again. Not like when the two of you had made eye contact. This was different.

He and Crooks hadn’t eaten properly in a long time.

After a quick, almost suspicious glance at the others, he immediately started grabbing food. Cereal, powdered donuts, pop tarts… He clearly had a sweet tooth. Thankfully, the others didn’t stop him. Judging from the looks on their faces, they’d figured out that the two brothers hadn’t had the opportunity to eat anything but rabbit or deer in a long time. They deserved this. Even Edge didn’t look quite as hostile. His look was more… stony, but you supposed that was one of the most friendly expressions one could get from the guy.

You waited until Axe was finished to grab your cereal.

Crooks had gone over to help Blueberry fix the oatmeal, and he quickly came back to the table with his food. He sat down, his smaller eye sockets squinting happily, and then looked over at his brother to see him pouring milk on his chocolate cereal. He glared.

“SANS! WE FINALLY GET FOOD AND YOU IMMEDIATELY GO FOR THE SUGAR?!”

“Sorry, Paps,” muttered Axe, but from the way he was ogling his meal you could tell he was not at all sorry. He practically inhaled the cereal and then ripped open a package of powdered donuts, immediately beginning to shovel them into his mouth, as if he wanted to see how many he could fit inside at once. You found yourself staring; was he about to fit the entire package’s worth of donuts into his mouth?

“Gahmussgheeowuch,” he said through the donuts.

You had no idea what that meant.

“SANS!” said Crooks. “DON’T SPEAK WITH YOUR MOUTH FULL! STOP EATING LIKE AN ANIMAL!”

“Ahghee.”

You felt a smile tug at the corner of your mouth as you grabbed the milk. Yeah. Now he seemed more like Sans.

He must have noticed you watching him, because he looked over. You bit the inside of your cheek to prevent him from seeing the smile; you had the feeling he wouldn’t take it well. He just looked at you, without any readable expression on his face, then seemed to remember that he had his mouth stuffed with donuts. He managed to swallow them all, but you noticed a slight blue blush on his face.

_Weird guy._

You turned your attention to your food, not wanting to reinforce whatever weird suspicions Axe had about you.

Papyrus and Blueberry started to chat up Crooks, and as it turned out, they had a _lot_ in common. They loved making puzzles, they loved cooking, they’d all wanted to be in the royal guard at some point. You realized that they all mentioned the same town-- Snowdin. Had they all lived in Snowdin? If so, how the heck had they never met each other? Especially if they were… clones, or something?

Edge eventually spoke up: “WERE YOUR PUZZLES _SOFT_ , LIKE THEIRS?”

Thankfully, the question sounded less condescending and more curious.

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN?” asked Crooks.

“I MEAN, WERE THEY _TRAPS?_ OR WERE THEY JUST PUZZLES YOU MADE FOR FUN?”

Axe suddenly looked incredibly nervous, and paused his eating.

Crooks answered: “I LIKED BUILDING PUZZLES FOR FUN! I’VE LIKED IT EVER SINCE I WAS LITTLE!”

“ME TOO!” said Papyrus and Blueberry, and then made their funny laughs when they realized they’d spoken in unison. _Still cute._

Axe went back to his food.

“EVERYONE HERE IS SO SOFT!” Edge complained. “I THOUGHT PERHAPS THEY WERE DANGEROUS, BUT OF COURSE NOT! WHY CAN’T WE HAVE OTHER MENACING MONSTERS HERE?!”

“Hey,” said Red, “least it means there’s no competition for toughest guy, boss.”

“THAT MAKES IT FEEL UNEARNED!” He waved his gloved hand a bit. “BUT AT LEAST THE HUMAN KNOWS VERY CLEARLY WHO THE STRONGEST ONE HERE IS!” 

He looked over at you, clearly waiting on you to confirm. You casually gave him the OK sign, giving him the deadpan expression you liked giving him.

“Sure do,” you said indifferently before taking another bite of cereal.

Edge, to your surprise, grinned. “NYEH! NYEH HEH HEH! SO YOU CONFESS THAT YOU FIND ME TO BE OF SUPERIOR STRENGTH!”

“Yup.”

Axe snorted, and everyone looked over at him. His one pupil contracted and he turned blue before coughing.

“Choked on my food,” he said before devouring half of a s’mores-flavored pop tart. When the two of you made eye contact, he raised a brow. He seemed to be doing his best to seem indifferent himself. He kept his gaze firmly on you until you looked away first. _Weirdo._

Crooks finished quite a bit of oatmeal before deciding that he was finished, and Papyrus and Blueberry quickly ushered him outside to show him their puzzles. You checked your phone.

“I have work soon,” you said.

Stretch nodded. “I can shortcut you there.”

“Shortcut?”

“It’s what we call the magic trick we do,” said Sans.

“Oh. Cool. So it’s magic? I didn’t know that was a magic ability. Is it a skeleton thing?”

Sans grinned cheekily. “Real magicians never reveal their secrets.”

Facetious. So he was dodging the question. The more relaxed skeletons tended to do that….

“You guys want some pizza?” you asked. “I can bring some back after work.”

You noticed Axe’s head turning to look at you in the corner of your vision.

_Pizza._

Looking over at him, you said, “You think Crooks might want some pizza?” Even if it was Axe who wanted it, you were going to ask about Crooks. Because he was the one you liked.

“Uh,” he said, “yeah. Crooks might like some pizza.”

“Kay. What kind?”

“Uh… just one with lots of sausage on it.”

You could see his pupil dilating as he thought about it.

“Sure thing. You might not be able to have it fresh, though. Unless you’re up at midnight.”

He shrugged.

“OK,” you said, standing up. “I’m going to wash my dishes and get ready. And then, uh, you can shortcut me there?”

Stretch nodded, but Red walked up to you.

“I can shortcut you,” he said, grinning.

Your eyes narrowed. “Why?”

“Aww. What? You don’t trust me?”

You smiled. “Mm, not particularly.”

“Please?”

“Fine.”

You rinsed your dishes and put them in the dishwasher; Red’s smug expression was only making you more suspicious. But he wasn’t a bad guy, so you decided to just roll with whatever crazy move he tried to pull. You went upstairs and got ready, then came back down. As you headed over to Red, though, Edge interrupted:

“HUMAN!”

“What?” you sighed.

“GIVE ME YOUR NUMBER!”

Red grinned playfully. “Wow, boss, bein’ forward.”

He turned red. “NOT LIKE THAT, SANS, BE QUIET!” To you: “IF YOU RUN INTO TROUBLE YOU SHOULD CALL ME! SO THAT SANS CAN SHORTCUT ME TO YOU, AND I CAN DEFEND YOU!”

There was no point in arguing. You held out your hand. Edge blinked for a second, almost like he was surprised, then coughed and held his phone out. You put your number in and then handed the phone back.

“YOU REALLY SHOULD HAVE GIVEN IT TO ME A LONG TIME AGO,” he said, attempting to sound nonchalant.

“My apologies,” you said. Now that Edge had mentioned protection, though— presumably from Axe— you turned to Sans.

“Hey,” you said, “can I talk to you for a second?”

He blinked, and you saw him turn blue. “M… Me?”

For some reason you felt your face get warm. _Hah…_ Sans’ blush was cute. You nodded, trying to ignore the observation. “Yeah. Just for like, a second. In the living room or something.”

“Sure, uh, no problem.”

The two of you headed for the living room and you leaned against the armrest of the couch. “So,” you said, “you’re the one in charge, right?”

For some reason, his face turned blue again. He reached up and rubbed the back of his neck. “I mean… technically we didn’t, like, elect a leader or anything, but… this is my…”

He paused, glancing at you.

“... I own the house, so… sorta.”

You weren’t sure if that explanation made sense. He didn’t act like the landowner, he acted like the _leader_ of the group. But whatever. You shrugged. “So, um… I just have a question, is all.”

“Yeah?”

“So… and I know you know about all of this copy stuff better than I do…”

His blush darkened. _Why does he keep blushing?_

_Why do I think it’s cute?_

You continued: “... but like… why aren’t we, uh…”

You glanced back over at the kitchen to find that everyone inside— including Axe— was watching the two of you intently. Geez.

You lowered your voice and leaned closer to Sans so that he could hear, and his blush only intensified. You tried to ignore it. “Why aren’t we, like, turning Axe in to the cops? Cuz like… he sort of broke into my apartment.” It wasn’t that you wanted poor Crooks to lose his brother, but considering how upset the others had been last night… you were just confused.

He thought for a moment.

“Listen,” he said, “there’s… some stuff, going on. There was sort of like… a mistake. And that’s why we’re all living in the same house. We really wanna fix it.” He thought again. “... But, the thing is, we don’t know when we’ll fix it, or for how long, and we need Axe and Crooks here when it happens. Yeah?”

You raised an eyebrow at him. The vagueness of it all made it slightly confusing.

He reached over and put a hand on your arm, and you watched.

“Hey,” he said. “I’m sorry I can’t tell you more. Trust me, it would just be even harder to explain, and… quite frankly, you might think all of us are insane.”

You smiled. “You’re all copies of each other, and _I_ accused _you_ of that. What could be more insane-sounding than that?”

The corner of his mouth quirked up as if he found your response endearing. Ordinarily you would’ve felt offended, but… you felt weird, with the two of you so close and his hand on your arm.

“Just trust me,” he said, “OK?”

You nodded, and the blue that had started to fade returned to his face.

“Cool,” he said.

Your proximity still felt so odd.

Why did you feel like something inside you was being pulled towards him?

“If yer gonna smooch, ya can go ahead.”

Sans let go of you and you both leaned away from each other, looking back over at everyone watching you. Red was grinning but everyone else looked annoyed.

“C’mon,” Red said. “Or are ya too busy getting up close ‘n personal with Vanilla?”

You felt your face get hot and you went over to him. “You’re ready?”

He winked. “I’m always ready for you, babe.”

“Hey,” said Stretch, grinning. He pointed at his cheek. “Can I have a goodbye kiss?”

Yeah, Stretch could have a kiss.

“Sure, Stretch,” you said with a playful grin, and you leaned over and kissed his cheek, though your face unexpectedly warmed up. His face turned orange. There was a small flinch from everyone else in the room; kind of like when you’d kissed Red. The others didn’t look as startled as last time— except Red. He looked confused.

You nudged him. “You can still shortcut me, right?”

His usual grin returned. “Course I can, sweet thing.”

You held out your hand but he decided that wrapping an arm around your waist and pulling you closer was a better option. You gave him a deadpan look, but he didn’t seem to care. There was that sensation of not existing, and then existing again. The two of you reappeared at your place of work-- not in front of the door but at the side of the building. He let go of you.

“Thanks, Red,” you told him, but as you stepped forward to turn the corner an arm blocked your path, its hand resting against the wall.

“Hey now, beautiful,” Red said. He’d lowered his voice. _Oh no._

He stepped closer, causing you to back up against the wall, and his free hand rested on the other side of you. You were pinned now. Well, you should’ve known this would happen eventually. You knew you could tell him to stop and he would, but as usual, there was a part of you that didn't mind the proximity....

“Where’s _my_ goodbye kiss?” he asked quietly. He was giving you those bedroom eyes, and you watched as his eyelights grew bigger. _Not again, not again, just tell him no this time._

“Red,” you told him, “this is where I work, in broad daylight. Someone could see.”

_No, you stupid! That is not a no!_

He just raised a brow. “That’d be hot.”

“Reddd.”

That only got him to lean closer.

“I like when you say my name,” he whispered, breathing onto your neck; much to your embarrassment, you shivered. His voice was even huskier when he whispered....

Was it just you, or was something in you being pulled towards _him_ too?

“Baby… you have the most _amazing_ lips…. I just wanna feel ‘em on me again.”

You gave him a lukewarm glare, but it clearly wasn’t doing any good, especially since your face was burning. His voice got deeper and his eyelights dropped down to your lips.

“C’mon, dollface…. Don’t torture me like this....”

His hands slid up next to your head. Despite being your height, it felt like he was looking down at you.

“Jus’ one kiss?”

_Oh my gosh why does my throat feel dry?_ You could hardly manage words, and you had to swallow first. That only got his already predatory grin to widen.

“ _Somebody’s_ shy,” he observed.

He leaned close to your ear, his voice dropping to a low growl.

“That’s OK, beautiful…. I’ll go first.”

He pressed his teeth against your neck and your face somehow burned even hotter. Getting kissed on the neck wasn't normal for you, it was impossible _not_ to blush.

For a guy without lips he was pretty good-- _Shut up you're not helping yourself oh my gosh._

The kiss lingered for _much_ longer than necessary; after a few moments one of his hands started to slowly stroke your hip. _Why is my heart beating so fast, this guy is the worst, uuuuuuuuuuuuugh_

Finally, after what felt like eons, he leaned away from your neck and let up with the touching, but the look on his face wasn't any less suggestive. He kept his face close to yours.

“ _See_ , sweetheart?” His voice was dripping with self-satisfaction. “It’s nothin’ to get _flustered_ over.”

_Ohh, you really like rubbing it in, don’t you? Ghhh_

He turned his cheek to face you. “Now you go, yeah?”

Whatever, at this point you’d already lost your dignity. Still blushing, you leaned forward-- though not by much, considering he was in your personal space already-- and kissed his cheek. He made a soft, happy sound, and for a moment his grin became a little silly.

Kind of cute.

“Thanks, beautiful,” he said, giving you a wink. “Have a good time at work, yeah?”

“Y… yeah,” you managed.

He finally released you and your chest stopped feeling tight.

“Might wanna wait till that blush is gone to go in,” he said, beaming. After one last wink, he disappeared into thin air.

You glanced around, but it seemed no one had been here to see. _Ugh, not_ again _, how does he_ do _that?!_

Still, you decided to follow his advice and wait a minute before heading inside.

  
  


* * *

The moment you were gone, Axe spoke.

“So,” he said, and everyone turned to him. “You guys are seriously too stupid to realize what’s going on here?”

Stretch had just finished lighting a cigarette and was now placing it between his teeth. “Apparently,” he said, though it came out more bitter than intended. He didn’t mind a lot of insults, but he really didn’t like being called stupid. He was a physicist, for goodness’ sakes. “Why don’t you enlighten us, O Wise One?”

Axe didn’t seem to appreciate the sarcasm. Which had been Stretch’s aim, really, so mission accomplished.

Still, he took up Stretch’s offer. “Get the others, this concerns them too.”

Sans looked unsure, but he went over to the glass sliding door and opened it, calling out: “Hey, could you guys come here? We’re having a talk.”

Blueberry’s voice was quite audible from here: “OF COURSE!”

Stretch smiled. His brother was the best.

The three more cheerful of the skeletons entered, and Sans closed the door behind them. Edge glared at Axe.

“THIS HAD BETTER NOT BE SOME KIND OF INSANE CONSPIRACY THEORY!”

Axe stood up. Stretch and Sans readied their magic, but Axe said, “Relax, I’m not trying to fight you,” and they forced themselves to follow his suggestion.

“So?” said Stretch. “What’s the thing we’re all too stupid to notice?”

Axe glowered. “You really think this is some kind of coincidence? There are _eight_ of us. She’s obviously doing this to us on _purpose_.”

There was a moment of silence as the skeletons all looked at each other, and then Blueberry raised his hand.

“I’M SORRY TO INTERRUPT, BUT DOING WHAT TO US?”

Axe grinned; Stretch never liked that, with that giant red eye it always made him look insane.

“Don’t even pretend you don’t feel it too. The pull on your souls.”

Stretch blinked. Then he smiled.

“I think that’s just a you thing, buddy.” He didn’t feel any kind of… pull on his soul towards you. What did that even mean? Sure, being near you felt… weird… but there was probably a completely non-crazy (and, more importantly, non-romantic) explanation for that.

Edge scoffed, but he turned red. “WH… WHAT KIND OF _PULL?_ I FEEL NO PULL WHATSOEVER! IN FACT, SHE REPELS ME!”

Then Blueberry raised his hand.

“I KNOW WHAT HE’S TALKING ABOUT! LIKE YOU WANNA GET CLOSER TO HER ALL THE TIME!”

_Crap._

Papyrus raised his hand. “ME TOO!”

Crooks looked surprised: “BROTHER, I DID NOT KNOW YOU WERE ALSO FEELING THAT SENSATION!”

Axe turned a slight blue, but didn’t openly acknowledge Crooks’ statement. “Do you think it’s fucking normal for _eight people_ to feel a pull on their _souls_ towards the exact same person? That’s not _normal_. Something weird is going on.”

Sans shrugged. “I dunno what you’re talking about.”

Stretch removed the cigarette from between his teeth to agree. “Yeah, me neither.”

Axe glared. “Don’t even try! I know me better than anyone, that’s exactly what I would’ve said ages ago!” He squinted. “Besides, then I’ll have to ask you to explain why you flinched when she kissed Red.”

“I dunno,” Sans and Stretch said in unison.

As if on cue, a sudden sensation rushed through Stretch. The sensation of…

_Kissing your neck._

Stretch fought to keep a straight face but the feeling was overwhelming, and he couldn’t help but picture it: The two of you, alone, relaxing, when he suddenly leaned down and pressed his teeth to your neck.

_And you liked it._

His hand tingled like it was touching you. The kiss stayed like that for a while…. The only difference was it didn’t feel quite like him. The feeling was more… sexually charged, more predatory. But eventually he let go, and Stretch blinked, trying to calm down—

Then the same feeling he’d gotten when you’d kissed Red. He jumped slightly.

Once it faded, he looked at the others to find that they were all blushing. Even Axe. His own face felt really hot.

_Dammit._

Edge immediately yelled:

“SANS, YOU LITTLE—“

Also as if on cue, Red appeared in the kitchen, looking _extremely_ proud of himself. What was this sudden, tight feeling in Stretch’s ribcage?

“Hey guys— Huh?” He looked around. “Why’re we all in the same room?”

Axe sneered. “Have fun smooching twice in one day?”

Red’s smug smile returned. “Yeah, actually.”

He didn’t seem surprised that Axe knew. Everyone looked at him.

“What? When she kissed Stretch I felt somethin’. I assumed it was like when she kissed me and you all jumped.”

Huh. Sometimes Stretch forgot that Red wasn’t stupid.

“Hope you guys enjoyed it,” he added, flashing his sharp teeth at them.

_Wait a minute._

Sans seemed to be thinking the same thing, because his eye sockets narrowed. “... Did you do that on _purpose_?”

Red’s grin widened. “Whatever do you mean?”

“Were you _staking a claim_?”

He blinked. “Well, no.” The smile returned. “I just like kissin’ her. But knowin’ you all knew what you were missin’ out on made it even better.”

Stretch felt himself glare. _That little…_

Blueberry spoke indignantly: “IT DOESN’T COUNT UNTIL SHE KISSES YOU ON THE MOUTH!”

“Oh, really?” Red was unfazed. “I was unaware. I’ll make sure tah do that next time.”

Protests and insults were immediately flung in Red’s direction. Even Stretch found himself trying to tell him that he was being an ass. Unfortunately, this only seemed to make Red feel even more smug.

Eventually Axe’s voice yelled over all of theirs: “What are you guys, fucking twelve years old?!”

Everyone shut up and Red’s grin vanished.

Axe held up his index finger. “ _Firstly_ , you’re all acting like children! We’re not gonna fight each other over a girl!”

Everyone glanced at each other awkwardly.

“ _Secondly_ : You guys are giving her what she wants! It’s whatever she’s doing to our souls that’s making us act like overgrown kids! This is exactly what she wants, some weird… _harem_ of skeletons!”

Red raised a brow. “Who the hell would want that?”

“I don’t know, but I don’t have any better explanation! Do you?”

Sans walked over and stood next to Axe, facing the others. He raised a brow at Axe, but the latter didn’t move.

“... OK,” said Sans. “Alright, you’re right about us suddenly acting like kids. Let’s not act like high schoolers, please. Myself included.” He looked at Axe. “Now, _I_ … don’t feel any kind of weird pull on my soul.”

Neither did Stretch, of course.

“Wait,” said Red, “our souls?” He grinned, but Stretch saw a few beads of sweat form on his forehead. “Please, I don’t feel nothin’ with my soul. I jus’ think she’s hot.”

Axe rolled his eye but said nothing. Sans continued.

“But while we’re trying to be rational, maybe we also shouldn’t assume this is intentional on her part. Maybe the explanation is scientific.”

Axe squinted. “Scientific.”

“Yeah.”

Blueberry spoke up: “MAYBE WE’RE SOULMATES!”

“I mean, that’s not really scientific, but…” He looked around. “Are soulmates a thing where anyone else comes from?”

Everyone looked at each other, but no one said anything.

“OK. So no. But I don’t think it’s on purpose. If this is about souls, that would require magic. She can’t do magic, she’s human.”

Axe raised a brow. “And if she’s a mage?”

Sans gave him a deadpan look. “And what are the odds of that? Statistically?”

This conversation made Stretch more comfortable. Breaking the weirdness down into math brought comfort to his more analytical mind.

Axe narrowed his eye. “You can’t prove that she _isn’t_ doing this on purpose.”

Stretch raised a brow. “You’re a scientist too, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Then you should know that isn’t a real argument. It’s not up to us to disprove your argument, it’s up to you to prove it.”

“ _Fine_ ,” said Axe. “Then I will.”

Blueberry seemed skeptical. “HOW CAN YOU PROVE SOMETHING LIKE THAT?”

“Oh, trust me,” said Axe.

He grinned. Stretch really hated that look.

“I can prove it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Axe, honey, no....
> 
> Reminder that I have [a tumblr,](shyneanon.tumblr.com) where I simp for skellies! Because yeah. (I also draw sometimes.)


	9. Instant Regret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Facepalm-worthy content ahead.

You decided to drive yourself back to the skeletons’ house, so that your car would be on hand. You’d made sure to grab two pizzas: One with the all the sausage Axe had asked for, and another with extra cheese, since you still weren’t quite sure what the individual preferences of the others were.

Since you didn’t have a key, you knocked, and the one to answer was Sans.

“Oh hey,” he said with a grin. “Looks like the pizza’s here.”

He opened the door for you.

“Hey, kiddo. How was work?”

“It was good,” you said, stepping inside. “Thanks for asking.” You raised an eyebrow. “Why aren’t you asleep? Don’t you love sleeping?”

“I do,” he said, closing the door and locking it. “But I just wanna make sure nobody bothers y--”

“HUMAN! DENY THE ACCUSATION!”

Sans’ eyelights shrank and you turned to find Edge storming up to you. You hadn’t even processed what he’d said. “Sorry, what?”

He used his finger to jab you in the chest. _Ow._ “DO NOT APOLOGIZE! TELL ME THE TRUTH! THE _REAL_ TRUTH!”

It was too late for this, what the _fuck_ was he talking about? All you could manage was a very confused, “What?”

Axe spontaneously appeared behind Edge and shoved him. “Shut up, you moron!”

“BUT YOU--”

“I said _shut up,_ ” Axe repeated, and you expected his eye to disappear like Sans’, but it didn’t.

Sans slung his arm over your shoulder; it seemed casual, so you thought nothing of it. “Eh. You know Edge.”

“WHAT DOES _THAT_ MEAN?” protested Edge.

You knew what it meant. Well then, whatever. Seeing Axe, you tilted the pizza boxes towards him.

“The top one is for you and Crooks,” you said. “You wanted lots of sausage, right?”

“Oh,” Axe said, and he seemed to relax a bit. “Yeah.”

He took the top box, then glanced over at you awkwardly.

“Thanks.”

He then headed for the kitchen, calling, “Hey Crooks, you want some pizza?”

_Huh. He said thanks._

You turned to Sans. “This other pizza is for anyone else who wants some. I know it’s not a lot, but I can’t get a million pizzas.”

His brow furrowed. “You didn’t pay for it, right?”

“No, I didn’t. But I can’t have free pizza constantly.”

“Thanks for getting us some.”

“No problem.”

You handed it to him and then stretched a bit.

“I need to go get ready for bed.”

“OK. You do that.”

Like the night before, you felt his hand rest on your cheek and his fingers brush some hair away.

“Some escaped from your ponytail,” he said, before letting go. You wondered if Sans was just fascinated by the feeling of hair, since skeletons didn’t have any. Maybe he was worried he’d come across as creepy if he told you so? It could be kind of weird to ask someone if you could feel their hair.

“Thanks, Sans,” you said, and he turned blue.

You then turned to Edge, who was sulking next to Sans. “Night, Edge,” you said, and his face turned pink.

“DO NOT ATTEMPT TO DODGE MY--”

“Bye,” you said, and headed for the stairs. _Whatever._

As you reached the top of the stairs and started to make your way down the hallway, you almost slammed straight into Axe when he appeared in front of you. You jumped, and took a couple of steps back.

“Axe,” you said in a warning tone. “I’m just trying to get ready for bed, please don’t start something.”

He blinked, looking a bit surprised, then glanced away. “I know. I just wanted to talk.”

_He wants to talk?_

You weren’t so sure about this, but you nodded. “OK?”

“I, uh… I know I haven’t been, uh… great.”

You raised your eyebrows.

“OK, I’ve been an asshole.”

“Yes,” you said. “You have.”

He blinked, looking surprised again, then said, “Look, I… Like my brother said, I thought you kinda… had your own motives for being nice to the others. But I was wrong. You seem like you’re being nice because you’re actually nice.”

You shrugged. “I would like to think I’m a nice person. Thanks, Axe.” Maybe he was just saying it to get rid of you, but it was something.

“I, uh… I actually think you’re pretty great.”

You blinked, and your brow furrowed. _Great?_ It had only been one day. But before you could reply, something happened so quickly and suddenly that your mind blanked, unable to process the new information.

What had happened was that Axe had pulled you up against him and kissed you. Your brain was like a computer that had been given too many commands at once-- it just sort of froze up, trying to figure out what was going on.

Once it started to function again it not only realized that Axe had kissed you, but that he was still doing it. In fact, he had sunk into the kiss, pressing you against the wall and closing his eyes.

He let out a soft purr and deepened the kiss.

You, on the other hand, stomped on his foot as hard as you could, and he let go of you, recoiling.

“Ow--”

Now that his face was in slapping range, you made sure to slap it _hard._ The harsh sound it made was satisfying, but you were still, understandably, quite pissed. And confused.

“What the _fuck_ is wrong with you?” you yelled. “Are you _insane?_ ”

He had recoiled further, and looked alarmed, like hadn’t been expecting this reaction. What the fuck else had he been expecting? What was this guy’s _damage?!_

He was yanked farther away from you by his hood and you realized that Sans and Red were standing on either side of him. _Must have done the shortcutting thing._ They were _both_ looking at him with that empty-socketed look, though at least Red was baring his teeth in a more hostile fashion. Sans still had that perma-grin on his face, which was _way_ more unsettling. Sans had been the one to yank him back, but he didn’t say anything. So you did.

“What demented part of you made you think that was a good idea?” you said, and waited for his response.

He just stood there, his face flushed blue.

“Um,” was his reply.

_Um?_

In your head, you were picturing yourself going on a tirade at him, yelling and jabbing him with your finger and telling him to go fuck himself.

But you were bad at that.

Instead you felt tears about to well up in your eyes and swallowed hard. _Don’t cry, you’re an adult, don’t cry._

Rather than tell him to go fuck himself you just said the first thing that your brain told you to say, which was, “I don’t understand.”

Axe stared.

“I don’t understand why you’re being so weird. I literally did _nothing_ to you. _Nothing._ And yet…” _Don’t cry, not in front of him…_ You did your best to casually wipe one of your eyes. “... you’ve been… treating me like I did something horrible to you. And I don’t understand why.”

There was silence for a second, during which Sans and Red narrowed their empty eye sockets at Axe.

Without thinking, you added, “I got you _free pizza_ and you’re still treating me weird!” You felt a little embarrassed after you said it— you’d gotten him pizza, not taken a bullet for him— but seriously, you’d gone out of your way to do something nice and he still thought… You didn’t know what he thought.

Axe’s pupil shrank, and he frowned. “Uh… H… Hey, don’t cry. I’m sorry.”

_What?_

“You’re _sorry?_ ” you repeated, and thankfully it came out sounding angry. “No you’re not!”

“Look,” he said, and took a step closer— Sans yanked him back again. “I can explain—“

“I THINK NOT!”

Edge had reached the top of the stairs and he grabbed Axe by his shirt, picking the guy up like he weighed nothing.

“YOU HAVE CROSSED THE LINE! LOOK WHAT YOU’VE DONE! YOU MADE HER _CRY!_ I SEE NO MORE NEED FOR EVIDENCE OF PHYSICAL HARM!”

He conjured several bones using his magic. The expression’s on Sans’ and Red’s faces had swapped; now Red was the one grinning.

“I’d say ‘Hope you’ve written yer will,’” said Red, “but I doubt you own anythin’ tah begin with.”

Sans interrupted: “Guys, don’t. That’s only gonna make her feel worse.”

Edge’s eye socket twitched, but he set Axe down. _Thank God._ You didn’t want someone to get murdered in here.

“But,” said Sans, “I do think we need to have a talk.”

He yanked Axe over again and then disappeared with him in tow.

Red went over to you. “‘M real sorry, sweetheart. When he said he was gonna prove his batshit theory we didn’ think he was gonna do that.”

“Batshit theory?” you said. “What batshit theory?”

Red didn’t respond, just cupped one of your cheeks and gave you a soft kiss on the other. It had none of its usual flirtatious nature; instead it felt more comforting.

You appreciated it.

He then disappeared without answering your question.

Edge walked up to you and you raised an eyebrow at him.

He turned pink. _Um…_

He then leaned down, grabbed your cheeks and planted a kiss on your forehead.

“TH… THERE! FEEL BETTER!”

He stormed down the stairs.

A pair of arms was thrown around you and you realized Blueberry had come up the stairs too. He’d enveloped you in a big hug. He was a good hugger; you instantly sank into it. It made you feel warm.

“I’m sorry,” he said, his voice quieter than normal.

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” you told him.

“Yes we did,” he said, “he told us he could prove that you were bad and we didn’t make him tell us how.”

He released you and put his hands on his hips.

“HE DOES NEED A TALKING TO BUT I DON’T KNOW IF THE OTHERS WILL BE VERY CIVILIZED ABOUT IT! I SHOULD GO HELP BEFORE THEY GET INTO A FIGHT!”

He bounded down the stairs after Edge.

“Wondering what his theory was?”

You turned and saw Stretch on your right. The teleporting stuff was starting to freak you out less and less.

“I mean,” you said, “yeah, of course.”

He turned a bit orange and said, “He kept saying you were trying to seduce us.”

You blinked. “... What?”

“Yeah, he, uh, said you wanted us all to like you at the same time.”

_What the fuck?_

“Why?” you asked.

Stretch thought, then said, “Things have been a little weird lately and Axe is obviously a suspicious guy. He just sort of jumped to the conclusion that it was your fault and it was on purpose.” He looked awkward. “But we didn’t know he was going to kiss you. I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault he’s…” _Insane? Just an asshole?_ You weren’t sure. “... Axe.”

He chuckled. “I guess that’s true.”

He kissed your forehead and then teleported away.

“HELLO.”

Papyrus and Crooks had come up the stairs. Crooks looked utterly ashamed.

The one to speak first was Papyrus: “CROOKS… SAYS HE’S VERY SORRY HIS BROTHER DID THAT.”

_Aww, no._ “Crooks, it’s OK. Your brother’s an adult, you’re not responsible for his actions.” You smiled. “You’re a good guy, Crooks, I would never think badly of you.”

Crooks smiled a little. “REALLY?”

“Of course not. Your brother’s decisions are his and his alone.”

Papyrus picked you up princess-style and kissed your forehead. “DO NOT WORRY! THE GREAT PAPYRUS AND HIS FRIENDS WILL MAKE SURE AXE DOES NOT BOTHER YOU AGAIN!” He then added, “PEACEFULLY AND WITHOUT HURTING ANYONE!”

You nodded with a smile. “Thanks, Paps.” You then turned to Crooks. “Do you maybe wanna spend time with me while the others talk to Axe?

I don’t know if you wanna see your brother get grilled.”

Crooks blinked. “REALLY?”

“Of course, I don’t want you to feel sad or uncomfortable.” You smiled at Papyrus. “Hand me over to Crooks, he and I can hang out for a bit.”

Papyrus happily did as asked, and Crooks happily took you in his arms. He turned orange.

“YOU ARE LIKE A PRINCESS,” he said, and you felt your face warm up.

“Thanks, Crooks.”

“I WILL GO JOIN THE OTHERS!” said Papyrus. “YOU BOTH HAVE A GOOD TIME!”

“Sure,” you said.

As Paps left, you turned back to your new friend.

“So? What do you wanna do first?”

* * *

Axe sat on one side of the dining room table, facing literally everyone but his brother on the other side. Every single one was giving him a death glare. He couldn’t make eye contact.

_I’m a fucking idiot._

Still, he began: “I can explain.”

“I DON’T THINK THERE’S MUCH TO EXPLAIN!” said Edge.

“Yeah,” said Red, “the _fuck_ does that even mean?”

“I knew it was weird,” said Axe, “that’s why I did it.”

“SO YOU WANTED TO HURT HER FEELINGS?” said Blueberry. Even he was standing with his arms crossed.

“No, of course not!” Axe didn’t _enjoy_ hurting people’s feelings, just… “I thought that if I was right, then it wouldn’t matter how out of character I suddenly acted, she would reciprocate, because otherwise it would discourage you guys from making advances—“

“So what you’re saying,” said Vanilla, “is that it didn’t at all occur to you that you might be _wrong_ and that doing what you did would instead feel like a violation of her personal boundaries?”

Axe sank into his hoodie. He wanted to die….

“Not really,” he confessed.

“Cue slow clap,” said Stretch. “Brilliant job, dude.” A glare. “You didn’t have to _kiss_ her to act out of character.”

“YEAH,” said Blueberry, “YOU COULD HAVE JUST SAID YOU WERE IN LOVE WITH HER OR SOMETHING!”

“Yeah,” said Axe, “but the idea was to do something extreme so it would… Fuck I sound like I’m trying to justify myself.”

“Yes,” said Vanilla. “You do.”

Axe looked down, unable to show them his face. _Axe, you imbecile and you complete dick._

“All this time I was a dick to her for no reason,” he managed.

“Yes,” said Vanilla, “you were.”

“I STILL SAY WE KILL HIM!” said Edge.

“We’re not doing that,” Vanilla said, and from the tone of his voice Axe could tell he was saying it for the umpteenth time. “If not for moral reasons then at least think of the complications it could cause if we got caught.”

Edge huffed.

“SHE EVEN GOT YOU PIZZA!” said Blueberry, pointing at the fridge. Axe wanted to argue that you’d asked about Crooks, not himself, but he knew you weren’t stupid. You’d probably known it had been him who’d really wanted the pizza.

“OK yeah,” he said, “and now that makes me feel even more like trash, but at the time it just seemed suspicious.”

“How is that suspicious?” asked Vanilla, with a look of incredulity on his face.

“Because I was an asshole to her and she got me pizza anyway! How is that _not_ suspicious?”

This whole time Red had been glaring at Axe as if he hoped that a nasty enough look would dust him, but now he blinked and his frown relaxed a bit.

Vanilla squinted. “Uh, maybe she was just trying to be a nice person?”

“That’s bullshit, who would wanna do that to someone who’s been a dick to them? No one would just hand that guy free stuff!”

“She didn’t come up to _you_ and ask if _you_ wanted pizza,” said Stretch. “She asked all of us if we wanted pizza and noticed you were interested.”

“But that doesn’t mean she had to pay attention to—“

“Guys,” said Red, “could I maybe talk tah him?”

There was silence, and then Vanilla nodded, gesturing to Axe.

“No, I mean like in private.”

Vanilla‘s eye sockets narrowed. “Why?”

“Relax, I ain’t gonna yell at ‘im or hurt him, I jus’ wanna talk.”

The others all exchanged glances, and then Vanilla said, “Fine.” He stood up from his seat, glaring at Axe with his empty sockets. “But I’m gonna lay down some ground rules. You do _not_ speak to her— don’t even _look_ at her— and you do _not_ come within ten feet of her, until you’re ready to apologize. And if you apologize you had better mean it. _Got it?_ ”

Axe nodded.

“Good,” he said, his eyelights returning, and nodded at the door. “Come on, let’s go.”

Everyone but Red filed out of the room, and Axe looked at the one him he was left with. This guy was the one who was all smug about kissing you and shit.

“What do you want?” he immediately snarled, and Red stepped back a little.

“Hey, relax, pal.” He then smiled and shrugged. “I’m gonna be honest, I was just bored ‘n wanted some pizza.”

Axe would’ve been angry were it not for the fact that he recognized Red’s look. The _casually-shrug-and-avoid-eye-contact_ look. That was Sans for _“There’s a lot more on my mind right now but I’m just going to pretend I’m thinking about food or bad jokes or slacking off.”_

Red went over to the fridge, opened it, and grabbed one of the pizza boxes. He turned to Axe. “Ya want some?”

Axe shook his head. Even looking at the pizza made him feel like trash.

“... Feel bad?”

“Of course I feel bad,” snapped Axe. “I’m not a heartless jerk.”

“OK, OK. I believe ya. I didn’t mean any offense.”

There was an awkward silence as Red took a couple of slices, put them on a paper plate, and put them in the microwave.

He turned to Axe.

“Hey, uh… what ya said… ‘bout her gettin’ ya pizza seeming suspicious… I know what you mean.”

Axe raised a brow. _I don’t trust this._

Red smiled. “Yer thinkin’, ‘I don’t trust this,’ right?”

Axe blinked.

“Listen,” said Red, “I, uh… I know what’s it like… tah have a hard time trustin’ people.”

Axe glared. “You have no idea what Paps and I have been through. I don’t need your pity.”

“An’ I don’t need tah give people pity tah make myself feel like a good person,” replied Red. “I don’ wanna give you pity. I just want you to know I don’t think yer crazy or nothin’.”

“I’m honored,” Axe replied, his voice laden with sarcasm.

Red seemed unfazed. “Listen, pal, I’m used tah mockery ‘n threats ‘n all kinds of… general unpleasantness. Was all the rage where me ‘n Boss came from.”

Axe found himself mildly curious. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. People went around murdering each other all th’ time. Bein’ an asshole was the name of the game.” He shrugged. “Ya trusted anyone an’ people saw ya as an easy target. Free stat increases, ‘n all that.”

He grabbed his pizza from the microwave and started to eat.

“Yer right, I dunno what you two went through. ‘N I dunno if I’ll ever be able to completely empathize, cuz I’ve never been through it. But what I _do_ know is the feeling of seein’ somebody do somethin’ nice fer you, ‘n thinking, ‘This person must want somethin’ from me. Nobody does nice things for free.’”

He stopped there, continuing to eat. For a few moments, the only sounds in the room were those of chewing.

“We had a famine,” said Axe.

“Yeah?”

He sounded so casual about it. Axe wasn’t sure whether he appreciated or hated it. “Yeah. The entire Underground was starving. Paps and I tried to feed everyone in Snowdin, but… some people didn’t want to play fair. Y’know?”

“Yeah,” said Red, “I know about that.”

“Paps trusted people, because of course he did.” Axe sighed. “But… all our friends turned their backs on us. All these people we thought would stick with us when things got rough…”

He reached up and felt the hole in his skull unconsciously.

“Not exactly easy to trust people when everyone you believed in screws you over.”

More silence.

“I c’n see why you don’t wanna go back,” said Red. “I wouldn’ either.”

“Paps keeps saying it would be wrong to stay here.”

Red shrugged. “I wouldn’t know nothin’ about the morality of it. I jus’ know I wouldn’t wanna.”

Axe turned to look at him, his eyes narrowing. “Why are you not more pissed at me?”

“I mean, I’m still pissed. But I guess I could be more pissed, yeah.”

“But I was a dick to your… friend.”

“Eh.” He shrugged. “Would be hypocritical, considering I’m still a dick. ‘M still gettin’ used to th’ whole ‘You can trust people’ thing myself.” He smiled. “There’s a part’a me sayin’ yer just gonna use this talk against me later.”

Setting his pizza down on a paper plate and bringing it with him to the door of the kitchen, he turned to look at Axe one more time.

“Listen, uh… if ya ever… wanna… talk?... or somethin’, ya can come to me. Or don’t. I’m not yer mom.”

And with that, he left.

Axe wasn’t… entirely sure what had just happened. Red had been pretty hostile not long ago, what was with the sudden change? He felt that distrust rising again, but… wasn’t this exactly what Red had talked about?

Unless Red wanted to take advantage of him…. _Ugh._

Axe’s face dropped onto the counter. His paranoia was legitimately making his life harder, wasn’t it?

Eventually he lifted his head and noticed that Red had left the pizza box out. _Ugh._ Now he was just reminded of you again.

He didn’t like to think of himself as a mean guy. Just mean to anyone who deserved it. But not only did it seem like these other Hims didn’t deserve it so much, it turned out that you hadn’t deserved a single cruel glance that he’d thrown your way. Tonight had been pretty definitive. He’d been wrong. Either that or your acting was Oscar-worthy, but the former answer was simpler. Arkham’s razor won this one. Ordinarily he’d be wondering about what the hell was going on with everyone’s souls, but he felt too much like garbage to worry about that right now. And too much like an idiot. _Seriously, Sans, you really thought kissing her was a good idea._ It had been a terrible idea, for _multiple_ reasons. Obviously it had been a dick move, and really, that was the only reason that he should have needed to not do it.

But he also should’ve known that he would fucking _like it._

Obviously the pleasantness of it had quickly vanished when you’d inflicted physical pain and gotten upset-- Axe didn’t like to see people upset, despite the impression he’d probably given you and the others. But those first few seconds, when he’d thought you wanted it… The feeling of gently pressing you into the wall and having his teeth against your lips had been…

Shit, his soul was picking up. He dragged his hands down his face.

“I am so fucking stupid,” he muttered.

After that royal fuckup, regardless of what had happened as a result, there was a part of him that wanted to know what it felt like if you wanted it. It wanted to hold you, and feel you kiss back, and see you look up at him through your lashes, and hear you quietly ask him to please kiss you one more time…. It was an emotional want, not a logical one, it didn’t care about what had happened. There wasn’t a way to make it disappear.

So not only had he been _wrong_ about you being directly responsible for this, but now he’d been snagged by whatever it was that was affecting his and the others’ souls. And now he wanted something that was literally unattainable for him. Even if he hadn’t been a complete ass this whole time-- which was enough to render his newfound desire impossible-- he looked like something one would see in their nightmares. He had a hole in his head and one giant red eye and offset teeth. Not exactly anyone’s first choice for a date.

Of course he started to like you long after that ship had sailed.

_You really walked into this one, Sans. You have no one to blame but yourself._

* * *

Crooks had joined you in sifting through the books in Papyrus’ room out of curiosity, but eventually the encounter had evolved into him braiding your hair. He liked the feeling of it, he said. You didn’t mind-- you liked the tingling feeling that came with someone playing with your hair, you just couldn’t ask people to do it because that might be weird.

It did make you wonder again if that was what Sans touched your hair for, though.

There was a knock at your door.

“Yeah?” you called. “You can come in.” You just hoped it wasn’t Axe…

The door creaked open and you were relieved to see Stretch on the other side; your face even broke into a smile, and his face turned orange.

“Happy to see me, huh?” He waved at Crooks, and then said, “Hey, you think she and I could talk alone?”

Crooks nodded, and you kissed him on the cheek. Your back was turned to Stretch so you didn’t see his slight jump. “You have a good night,” you said, “OK?”

“TH… THANK YOU!” He smiled at you, blushing orange. “YOU TOO!”

He got up and headed over to Stretch. Sounding nervous, he asked, “WHERE IS SANS?”

“Your Sans? He’s in the kitchen. We’re not chewing him out anymore.”

“OK. THANK YOU.”

He left, and Stretch came over to the bed as you began to undo the braids in your hair. “Doing better?”

“Yeah, a little,” you said. “Tonight’s been… a thing.” 

He sat next to you. “It has.”

An arm wrapped around you and you leaned towards him without noticing.

“I’m sorry we let Axe do that.”

“It’s OK,” you said. “You didn’t know he was going to go that far.”

He smiled. “Maybe deep, deeeeep down he actually has a crush on you.”

You giggled. “He’s tsundere? Like Edge?”

A few chuckles escaped him. His laugh was cute….

Was it just you, or… did you feel pulled towards _him_ too…?

Stretch’s face turned orange. “... What are you doing?”

You realized you had leaned close, until your nose was almost touching his nasal bone. You felt your face get hot, and you leaned away. “Um,” you said, “I don’t really know. Sorry.”

He gave you a silly grin, despite the fact that his face was still orange. “Couldn’t help but want more kisses like earlier today?”

A snort left you. “You got me,” you replied.

“Well,” he said, turning his cheek towards you. “Have at it.”

Another snort, but you leaned in and kissed his cheek. His already orange face got darker.

“Heh…. Thanks.”

“Hmm,” you said, “thanks? I thought you were the one doing me a fa--”

You froze when he leaned in and kissed your cheek back, and you were pretty sure your face had lit up.

“There ya go,” he said shyly as he pulled away.

Not sure what to say, you just responded, “Thanks….”

He laughed a little, which loosened you up. You laughed too.

“Heya.”

The both of you turned to find Sans standing in your doorway. Had he seen you guys? You worried that he would think you guys were becoming an item, or something.

Weird that you were so worried about it….

“Am I interrupting something?” he asked.

“No,” you said, far more quickly than you’d intended. Both skeletons seemed to have noticed. “Sorry. No.” You tried to laugh it off: “I said that way too suspiciously.”

Any semblance of confusion on their faces disappeared, replaced by their smiles. Why were both their smiles so cute?

Well, so was Blueberry’s. And Papyrus’. And Crooks’. And… Red’s, actually, when it wasn’t all suggestive.

Even Edge’s was kind of cute under the right circumstances.

Hell… even _Axe’s_ seemed like it could be, if it were genuine….

Wait, holy shit, why were all of them cute? That wasn’t just you, right? They were all objectively cute. Objectively. Right?

… What if it _was_ you? Wait, did you find all of them attractive? Even _Axe?_ What? Why?

“You OK?”

Your train of thought was derailed. Both Stretch and Sans were looking at you funny again. Was your face warm? You shook yourself off. “Oh, yeah, sorry. My brain went on a journey there.”

Sans chuckled. “I know how that feels.” He cocked his head. “Can we talk to you for a second?”

“Sure.”

Sans walked over to the other side of you. “Mind if I join?”

You gave him a nod and he sat down next to you.

“So, you said your degree was in engineering, right?”

His arm slipped around your waist again. Your smile turned shy, but you nodded. “Yeah.”

“Well, Stretch, Red and I were thinking…” His eyelights glanced up. “How do I explain this.”

“We’ve got a project we’re working on,” said Stretch. “For fun.”

Oh yeah. The shed outside. “Oh, yeah, Blueberry and Papyrus mentioned it. Like a science project?”

“Yeah,” said Sans. “Like that. And we were thinking, it’d be nice to have someone double-checking our math. It would save us some time.”

“We’d pay you,” said Stretch. “Cuz, y’know, physics is hard.”

“You don’t have to pay me,” you said. They were hobbyists, the equations they were using couldn’t be that wild.

“Nah,” said Sans, “we wanna pay you.”

“Are you… sure?” You were going to have a hard time not taking money.

They both nodded.

“... OK. Thanks.” You hoped they wouldn’t pay you too much just for doing simple work like that. “Do you mind if I ask what the project is?”

“Well,” said Stretch, slinging his arm over your shoulder, “we don’t mind if you _ask_ , but…”

“... we’re not going to tell you,” finished Sans.

You sighed. “You guys sure are mysterious, huh?”

Sans gave you his silly grin, his eyes squinting. _Cute._ “We sure are.”

“You should go to bed,” said Stretch, and he kissed your forehead. You smiled. “Sweet dreams, honey.”

“Sweet dreams,” you told him.

He got up and headed for the door, and Sans stood up.

“Well,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck, “night.”

With a smile, you said, “Aw, what, you’re not gonna give me a kiss too?”

His face immediately flushed blue and you were flooded with guilt and embarrassment.

“N… No,” you said, “I was just kidding. I’m not actually going to tell you to give me a kiss.”

“I mean,” he started, then hesitated. This hesitation lasted for a few moments, with him glancing back and forth between you and the floor.

Finally, he turned back to you.

“Do you want one?”

Your face turned warm.

_Yeah…. Kinda. For… some reason._

“Sure,” you said with a shrug, trying to seem relaxed about it.

He returned the shrug. “Then sure, why not.”

You forced yourself not to swallow as he headed back over to the bed and leaned towards you. Instinctively, your eyes started to close, and you were almost surprised when he pressed his teeth to your cheek, despite the fact that this had been what you meant. Still, it made something inside you jump. It wasn’t your heart, it was… something else.

The same thing that felt drawn to him.

And Stretch… And Red…

But your brain wasn’t really thinking about it. You leaned in and kissed his cheek back. “Thanks, Sans.”

“No problem,” he mumbled.

For some reason you didn’t lean away once you’d kissed him. And neither did he.

His forehead pressed against yours, and the two of you made eye contact. Your lips and his teeth were mere inches apart.

Was he going to…?

Your brain said, _We just met, what the heck?_

But there was that feeling… It made you want to move closer. It made you want to...

“Welp,” Sans said, suddenly pulling away, and your eyes blinked open. When had they closed? “Night, kiddo.”

He patted the top of your head.

“Right,” you said, trying not to look confused. “Night. Sweet dreams.”

A wink. “Sweet dreams.”

He shuffled out of the room ( _His shuffling gait is funny_ , you thought) and closed the door behind him.

As you got under the covers and lay down to sleep, you remembered Axe’s insane theory. That you were trying to seduce all the skeletons at once. It had been stupid to try and prove it by kissing you out of nowhere like a crazy person, but you were starting to wonder if you had a problem. Something in you felt… weird, when you got close to them. Or when you were alone. And while you couldn’t identify what it was, you could identify the general nature of the feeling it gave you every time it kicked in.

It felt romantic.

… Would you feel like that with all of them if you were close and alone? Why? It was unlike you (and, as far as you were aware, most people) to have an actual crush on eight guys at the same time. It didn’t make any sense.

Did you like all of them at once?

If so, was that wrong?

Was Axe right?

Were you leading them on?

Were you a bad person?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, he learned his lesson. Just... the hard, cringe-inducing way.
> 
> But hey, at least he's not a raving conspiracy theorist anymore.
> 
> (Yo, I have [a tumblr](https://shyneanon.tumblr.com) , if you didn't know. Follow me there and stuff! I post one-shots on there.)


	10. Thoughts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A chapter about worries and hopes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Looks like the chapters are just gonna be long from now on... rip. Glad you guys don't seem to mind long chapters, pff!
> 
> Hope you enjoy :)

It wasn’t common for Sans to have trouble sleeping.

He was a heavy sleeper. He got into bed (or into anything where he could rest his butt and back) and instantly passed out until something managed to wake him up. That usually being either Papyrus, or hunger. If he did have trouble sleeping, it was usually due to nightmares.

Although he occasionally wondered if they were memories.

Thankfully, nightmares weren’t keeping him up tonight, but he was still awake.

He definitely didn’t like you.

Nope. Nuh-uh.

You were… a nice new friend. Sure, you were really pretty, but that was just an objective observation. Sans was a scientist, that was what scientists did. Make objective observations.

And, sure, he felt really weird whenever the two of you got close, but…

_ I could’ve kissed her back there. _

Another objective observation! Yes, he could have done that. Technically he could any time, it was just that… you had been so close to him….

He felt a harsh pull on his soul.

_ Nope. Nope.  _ He turned over onto his side. Why couldn’t he fall asleep?

Why couldn’t he stop thinking about you?

Your hair… He wanted to bury his hands in it….

Out of curiosity, of course. He had never felt hair before. That was all.

Your smile… Your lips…. Why was his soul so excited?

_ We were so close. I could have just… leaned in, and… _

He had the feeling he’d been about to.

Until you’d whispered his name, and he’d realized just how close you both were.

He had the feeling you didn’t even know you’d said his name. You had closed your eyes, and as he’d leaned in, his teeth a hair’s width away from your lips, you had said his name, so quietly he only could’ve heard you that close.

Why had that scared him? Shouldn’t it have invigorated him? Shouldn’t he have immediately pressed his teeth to your lips and wrapped his arms around you and pulled you close, and told you that you were beautiful, and… and...

Why was he asking himself these questions?

That was what was bothering him…. Unanswered “why” questions. His scientist mind  _ hated _ unanswered “why” questions. He wanted to understand things, and right now he didn’t.

Axe was right. Something was up with his soul.

Not that Sans thought you were doing it on purpose. You weren’t. He’d seen how pissed you’d gotten at Axe, and that had definitely not been fake.

Besides… you were too sweet to do something like that.

Yeah. It was his soul. He didn’t… have a crush on you or anything, there was some scientific, perfectly understandable explanation. He would call Alphys, but he knew her well enough to know it would just embarrass him. She would just think he had a crush and tell him that he was in denial and that it was adorable or something.

And even if she didn’t, this probably had something to do with the Machine, and she couldn’t know about that. Nobody could, besides his  _ “cousins.” _

He blinked, and realized that his phone was floating above him, spinning, and that his finger was twirling around in circles. He did that sometimes when he was lost in thought. Use his telekinesis mindlessly. He released his invisible hold on the phone and caught it as it fell.

_ Ugh. I’m gonna need to talk to Axe about this, aren’t I? _

Maybe this would start to patch things up between them. Sure, Axe had made an ass out of himself tonight, but he would probably feel less stupid if someone approached him and told him that he was probably onto something. Which he was. Sans had a hard time not holding grudges, and Axe had grabbed you and kissed you…

_ He fucking kissed her. How’d he just do that? _

… without your permission. But Sans could benefit from taking a page out of his brother’s book, and trying to forgive and forget. He had the feeling that if Axe was sorry, even you would forgive him eventually, and you were the one who had been offended the most.

_ Seriously, how the hell did he just kiss her like that? _

Whatever. He would wait a few days and then talk to Axe. And then they could start figuring out a solution to this. A scientific… plausible…  _ logical  _ solution.

He set his phone down on his bedside table, and finally, he was able to fall asleep.

* * *

You didn’t hear from Axe for the rest of the week.

He just… wasn’t around. Mysteriously. At first you were worried he’d “shortcutted” to your apartment and was wreaking havoc, but eventually you got the feeling that he was avoiding you. Probably blipping out of existence every time you got close to a room he was in. You had no idea whether this was because he hated you, or because he was embarrassed, or because he didn’t know what to do. Or a combination of the three.

Everyone else acted relatively normally— normally for these guys, at least. Sans still cracked bad jokes, Stretch still ate a concerning amount of honey, Red still flirted with you constantly, Blueberry and Papyrus were still building puzzles in the backyard, Edge was still grumpy and reluctantly concerned for you, Crooks was still a sweetheart. Papyrus and Blueberry had quickly welcomed him as one of their own and they were fast friends. It felt good to see him around people who understood him. Paps and Blueberry probably didn’t realize how big what they were doing was. A lot of people wouldn’t welcome someone like Crooks.

They were talking about getting his teeth fixed, though, which was probably a good idea. They looked painful as they were.

On Sunday morning, though, you woke up (late) to an interesting text from Red. And no, not the kind of  _ interesting  _ that they usually were.

**Red Devil:** hey sweetheart.

**Red Devil:** i just wanted to tell you that i think axe is pretty sorry for what he did.

**Red Devil:** so if he apologizes, give him a chance, ok?

Weird. Not bad, but weird. Had he and Axe talked? Red didn’t seem like the talking kind of guy, and neither did Axe. Regardless, you believed him. This wasn’t the type of the thing you could see Red making a joke about. He had apologized for letting Axe kiss you along with the others. It wasn’t as if they’d known, so you weren’t mad. You wouldn’t have expected him to kiss you if you had been in their position.

You got up and changed into loose clothing. Maybe you could go home tomorrow.

You opened your door and started when you saw a tall, broad figure standing on the other side.

Well, not that tall. But much taller than the other Sans-es. Axe had one hand raised, presumably to knock on your door; were it not for that you would’ve assumed he’d just been… standing there, waiting. He looked surprised to see you. You felt a twinge of irritation at the sight of him, but hopefully he was here to apologize. Red had said he felt sorry.

“Hi,” you said.

“Hi,” was his response.

Silence.

“Um,” he said. He then muttered, “Shit…. Sorry. I… had a whole… whatever.” He made eye contact with you, though it seemed reluctant. “Look. I’m… sorry, for being a dick. Legitimately, this time. I did… awful things for no good reason. And I’m not proud of that.”

Honestly, this was more than you’d expected. You’d expected just a  _ “Sorry,” _ judging from how baffled he’d looked after upsetting you.

“I understand if you don’t forgive me. Seriously. I was terrible. So don’t think that I’m expecting ‘It’s OK’ and that when you don’t say ‘It’s OK’ I’m gonna freak out. I get it. I probably wouldn’t forgive me either.”

You wanted to forgive him, you didn’t like holding grudges, but…  _ Dude _ .

“Listen,” you said, “I don’t hate you or anything. I don’t like to hate people, it feels bad and it takes a lot more mental and emotional energy than I think is worth spending. It might… be a while before I can say ‘I forgive you’ and mean it, but I don’t want to hate you. I do want to be able to talk to you and not just avoid you or whatever.”

He nodded.

More silence.

“Thanks,” he said, “for not hating me.”

He seemed sincere. It made you smile despite yourself.

“No problem,” you said.

“I… I’m honestly shocked.”

You shook your head. “Like I said, it takes a lot of mental and emotional energy.”

He… chuckled. It sounded a lot like Vanilla.  _ There we go!  _ “You’re too lazy, huh?”

“Basically.”

“Well, I’d know all about that.”

You snickered. “I bet you would.” Making an attempt to peek around him, you said, “Can I get around you so I can go get breakfast?”

“I could shortcut you there,” he said, and held out his hand.

You considered. This could be a trick. You didn’t want to be distrustful, but Axe had earned your distrust. His shortcutting ability seemed pretty powerful. Technically, he could probably take you out into the middle of nowhere and murder you.

His hand lowered.

“It’s OK,” he said, “I get it if you’re worried.”

On the other hand, if he wanted, he could just grab you and shortcut you that way. But he wasn’t doing that. So, despite your better judgment, you reached out your hand.

“Go ahead,” you said, and he smiled a little.

“Thanks.”

He took your hand, and his fingers interlaced with yours. You felt your face warm up.  _ Come on, even with Axe? Really? _

That odd sensation, and then you were in the kitchen.

“Shit,” said Axe, and you turned.

“What?”

“I messed up, I meant to take you to an abandoned warehouse so I could chop you up.” A smile, and then…  _ a wink!  _ A Sans-like wink. A bit unnerving, because he winked with his red eye, meaning you were looking at an empty eye socket. But despite the stuff he’d done to you, it felt… good to see him becoming more like Sans. So your face broke into a smile.

“Nice one,” you said, though you laced your voice with sarcasm.

“Thank you,” he said playfully. He then continued: “But seriously, thanks… for not hating me.”

“No problem.”

His hand squeezed yours.

That thing in you moved towards him….  _ What’s wrong with me, seriously? _

“Hey guys, what’s up?”

The both of you turned. Stretch was at the counter, eating cereal, and had a brow raised at Axe.

Axe didn’t pay him much mind, though he released your hand and pretended to check a watch. “Ah man, I’ve gone a whole hour without sleep. That’s really bad. Better go nap.”

A snicker escaped you. “OK, hope you catch up on sleep.”

“Me too.”

He disappeared.

“So you forgave him?” Stretch said.

“Sorta,” you told him. “I can’t really… forgive him, yet… but I don’t, like, hate him, either. Also, he seems a lot happier, so… I’m glad.”

“Yeah, it’s a nice change.”

“Mind if I join you for breakfast?” you asked.

“Go ahead.”

As you grabbed the dishes you needed, you realized that Stretch’s phone was propped up, turned to landscape. “Were you watching something?”

He seemed surprised for a moment, then looked at his phone. His face turned a slight orange. “Uh, yeah.”

“What was it?”

“Uh… Nothing important.”

You raised a brow. “Y’know when you dodge my questions it just makes me more curious.”

“It’s just some guy on YouTube talking about a movie.”

“Why is that embarrassing?” It was a genuine question. If that was all, why the blush and the vague answers?

“Um…”

Your eyes squinted as you thought of something. “Is… is he talking about a p--”

“No! No! It’s not like that!” His face was now more of a mango color. “I-- it’s not like that, he’s… talking about a teen drama.”

_ Oh. _ Well now you…  _ sort _ of understood the embarrassment, seeing as he was not at all in the target demographic. But still. “That’s not that embarrassing. Is he making jokes about it?”

“Yeah. It’s funny. Watching teen dramas is kinda like his guilty pleasure, so… that’s what his channel is about.”

_ … Ahhhhh. _

“Is it also  _ your _ guilty pleasure?” you asked, smiling.

Stretch’s blush only darkened. Welp, no need for a verbal answer.

“Hey, everyone’s got a guilty pleasure, it’s no big deal.”

He seemed relieved. “Cool. Just… don’t tell anyone, OK? Nobody knows.”

“Not even your brother?” you asked as you grabbed some cereal and brought it over to the counter. Stretch’s response was to shake his head.

“My brother’s really cool, but he’s not always the best at keeping secrets. Unless it’s something serious.”

You nodded. Blueberry was kind of loud. Papyrus too-- you wondered if he had the same issue.

“So I guess a lot of the movies are like… rom-coms and stuff,” you said, “right?”

Stretch glanced over his shoulder nervously before saying, “Uh, yeah.” You tried not to smile. The nervousness was kind of cute.  _ Why are they all cute? _

_ …. Wait. _

“So,” you said, “lots of those movies have love triangles, right?”

“Huh? Well, yeah. Why?”

_ How to word this…? _

“I was just curious,” you said, “about what you think of the girls with that trope. Like, two guys like them at the same time, but they don’t pick until the end of the movie.” For some reason you were having a hard time making eye contact.  _ You’re going to seem suspicious…. _ “Those girls are like, jerks, right? Cuz even if she likes them both at the same time, she’s leading them on. Right?”

Stretch raised a brow. “Are you worried about what Axe said?”

Well crap, you hadn’t done a great job of covering it up. Your face got warm. “Well, I’ve been thinking about what he said. His hunch was obviously wrong, I’m not here trying to get eight guys to like me at once.” You shrugged. “It just kinda got me thinking about that whole thing, someone liking multiple people at once and being an asshole about it. That’s all.” Would that lie work?

Thankfully, it seemed to. He thought a moment. “Uh… I guess it depends on the situation. Like, sometimes the guys are expecting her to pick one and they’re literally fighting each other over her. Which… is immature to begin with.” You saw his face turn a slight orange when he said it. “And then she just doesn’t pick one, which is mean. But I guess it also depends on how she’s not picking. Like, if she’s constantly flipping back and forth between them and going on nice dates and being romantic, while still implying that she’s  _ eventually _ going to pick one, then yeah, she’s terrible. Cuz she’s only egging them on with all their fighting.”

_ OK, well, I’m not doing that…. _

“But also, she can’t help it if she likes both of them at the same time. Nobody can shame her for that. Cuz she can’t choose whether or not to like them. But she can choose how to handle it, which is where you get problems like constantly jumping back and forth.” He shrugged. “And even then, is she doing stuff like saying she loves them and going on fancy dates, or is she just going out for coffee…. It’s kinda complicated. At least, in real life.” He shrugged. “But lots of teen dramas have pretty garbage writing, so usually the whole thing is messed up in a lot of other ways anyway.”

That was true. You just nodded, uncapping the milk.

“HI!”

Both of you turned and saw Blueberry standing in the doorway to the kitchen, beaming. His cheeks were blue. He was holding a poster board, but it was either blank or he had the decorated side facing away from you.

“Hi,” you said with a smile. “How are you?”

“I’M GREAT! HOW ARE YOU?”

“Glad to hear it. I’m good.”

His blue blush got bluer. “UM… ARE YOU AND PAPY BUSY TALKING?”

You shook your head. “Not really. You caught me right on time, I was just about to pour milk on my cereal.” You turned yourself around in your seat. “What is it?”

The grin on his face had faded slightly when he’d asked his question, but now it returned, and he turned his poster around. It was decorated with a bunch of large, holographic stars-- maybe to match his eyes? You weren’t sure-- and holographic letters. They read:

_ Roses are red, _

_ Violets are blue, _

_ Do you think I _

_ Could go on a date with you? _

It was so cheesy, and the last part didn’t fit the rhythm at all….

You loved it.

Before even a split second of thought, you said, “That is so sweet, Blueberry. Of course I’ll go on a date with you.”

The stars in his eyes grew. That thing in you felt so good….

_ Oh. _

_ Oh shit. _

Crap, this was exactly what you’d been worried about two seconds ago! What were you doing? What was this thing and why were you constantly obeying it? It wasn’t like having a crush on someone, you’d had crushes before. You knew what that felt like, the reaction was physiological. It was your heart and stomach and stuff. This didn’t feel like that. It was like you had something in your chest that you’d never known about before….

Still, you managed to keep a smile on your face. It was too late, changing your mind would look weird. And besides, his big smile and the stars…

How could you say no to that face?

“YAY!” It almost looked like his bandanna was blowing in imaginary wind again. “I KNEW YOU WOULD SAY YES! BECAUSE I AM SO IRRESISTIBLY HANDSOME!” He gestured to himself. “I WOULD GIVE YOU A KISS BUT THAT WOULD BE UNGENTLEMANLY! I WILL HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL AT LEAST THE END OF OUR FIRST DATE!”

“I can’t wait,” you told him.

“... I COULD GIVE YOU A KISS ON THE CHEEK, THOUGH!”

“That would be nice.”

As he headed over to the counter he said, “DO YOU THINK WE COULD GO OUT TOMORROW?”

Well, you didn’t have anything else to do. “Sure,” you said.

“GREAT! IT WILL BE AN AMAZING DATE!”

He wrapped his arms around you and kissed your cheek, and you could feel your face getting hot. You were used to getting kissed on the cheek at this point, but this kiss was a little less gentle than usual. Actually, Blueberry was a pretty good kisser….

The moment he let go, you wrapped your arms around him and kissed his cheek. You didn’t think about it, you just let your lips linger there, humming and using one hand to cup the other cheek. You felt him freeze up and heard a clattering sound from Stretch’s direction, like he’d dropped his spoon.  _ What? It’s not like I’m kissing him on the lips. Or, teeth. _

Blueberry wasn’t moving; you worried for a second if he wasn’t enjoying this, but he said, “W… WOW…. THIS FEELS EVEN BETTER FIRSTHAND….”

Confused, you withdrew and said, “What?”

His face was flushed blue already, but now the stars in his eyes (had they gotten bigger since you’d kissed him?) shrank until they were almost indistinguishable as stars. “NOTHING!” he said. “I DIDN’T MEAN ANYTHING!”

You weren’t sure what to make of that. As much as Stretch, Sans and Red occasionally dodged questions, they never lied, and Papyrus, Blueberry and Crooks would never do such a thing. Right? “OK,” was all you said.

“OK!” His usual demeanor returned as if nothing had happened. “THEN WE HAVE A DATE TOMORROW! I NEED TO CLEAN UP WHERE I WAS WORKING ON THIS!”

“Alright then.” You waved. “Bye.”

“BYE!”

He bounded out of the room.

Well, it looked like you had a date now. You felt happy and also like garbage.

“Hey, thanks.”

You turned to Stretch. “Huh?”

“Thanks for saying yes to my brother. He’s really cool and he likes you a lot.”

His face was dusted orange.

“Sorry,” you said, “was it kinda awkward that I kissed him right in front of you?”

“Huh? Nah. It was on the cheek. It wasn’t like you guys were making out.”

“OK, cool.” You wouldn’t ask about the blush, then. You nodded at his phone. “Think I could watch the video you were watching? The guy you mentioned sounds funny.”

“... Really?”

“Yeah, I think it sounds fun.”

“Sure.” The phone had earbuds plugged into it, and he picked them up, holding one out to you. “Guess we’ll have to share.”

“Scared of someone hearing?” you asked with a smile.

“... Kinda, yeah.”

You snickered and put the earbud in your ear.

* * *

Blueberry headed straight for Papyrus’ room, where he, Papyrus and Crooks had a table full of materials set up. He hadn’t been able to help but notice that Crooks was always hunched over and squinting when he drew. He was going to need glasses.

When he entered, the two others looked at him expectantly.

“SHE SAID YES!” said Blueberry.

“YAY!” was Papyrus’ response.

“SHE KISSED YOU A LOT,” said Crooks, “RIGHT?” His face turned orange. “W… WE FELT IT.”

Blueberry nodded. “SHE DID! IT FEELS EVEN BETTER THAN WHEN SHE KISSES SOMEBODY ELSE!”

“So you’re the guy who got a kiss?”

Everyone turned to the open doorway, in which Red was now standing. Blueberry wasn’t sure why he was interested. Hopefully he wasn’t going to be mean about it.

“SHE KISSED ME ON THE CHEEK,” said Blueberry, a bit less cheerily than he usually spoke.

“Hey, congrats.” It didn’t sound sarcastic.  _ Huh. _ “Feels good, yeah?”

“YEAH.” Blueberry raised a brow. He didn’t dislike Red, but he didn’t speak to the more cheerful skeletons much, and there were a lot of things the two disagreed on. Blue wasn’t sure if he was here to pick on anyone. “DO YOU NEED SOMETHING?”

“Nah. I jus’ felt the kiss and it was real innocent, so I figured it was one’a you guys.” He winked. “So I jus’ followed th’ sound of yellin’ till I found you.”

Well, good then! Blueberry’s beaming smile returned. He was always happy to talk to Red when he was more amiable. “SHE GAVE ME A KISS BECAUSE I ASKED HER ON A DATE. AND SHE SAID YES!”

The grin that was on Red’s face faltered. “H… Huh? Since when were we askin’ her out?”

Aw. Was he jealous? Blueberry understood, seeing as you found him so handsome, but there was no need. “YOU CAN ASK HER OUT TOO IF YOU WANT!”

His face turned red. “Wh… why wouldja say that if you wanna go out with her?”

“BECAUSE SHE’S NOT MY GIRLFRIEND AND YOU SHOULDN’T NOT ASK HER OUT IF YOU LIKE HER.”

Red grinned awkwardly, and Blueberry saw some sweat appear on his forehead. “I jus’ think she’s cute is all, s’not like I actually wanna—“

“YOU SHOULD BE HONEST ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS,” said Blueberry, raising a brow.

“I am bein’ honest!”

No he wasn’t, but Blueberry saw no point in getting into an argument. Arguments were no good. “OK.”

“What’s that?” Red asked, pointing at the posterboard. He was clearly trying to change the subject. Blueberry decided it was best to play along-- and besides, he was proud of his poster, so he turned it to face Red.

“I ASKED HER OUT WITH THIS!”

“Oh. Uh, nice.” He then turned to the others. “What about you guys?”

“WE’RE DRAWING!” said Crooks.

“Nice. Can I see?”

Crooks happily turned the paper and revealed a drawing of what looked like Vanilla eating hot dogs with a smile on his face. As Blueberry and Papyrus had discovered, it turned out that Crooks was really good at drawing! He drew a lot of pictures of what looked like Papyrus and a taller Vanilla. At first, that had seemed weird to Blue. Why was he drawing these two that he’d just met?

Then Blueberry had realized that they weren’t Vanilla and Papyrus.

Crooks didn’t talk about his home dimension much, but from what Blueberry had been able to gather, it seemed like Axe and Crooks were just Vanilla and Papyrus. Just… something had happened to them and they wouldn’t talk about it. Blueberry wished they would. Talking is healthy! Bottling your feelings up inside does more harm than good.

“That yer brother?” asked Red, and Blueberry blinked. He must have figured out what Blue had.

“YES!” Crooks said. “HE ALWAYS ATE SO BADLY! AND NOW HE’S STARTED EATING SUGAR AGAIN….”

Red chuckled. “Yeah, I’ve noticed he has a sweet tooth. Vanilla ‘n I are more greasy food kinda guys.”

Huh. He was right. Blueberry hadn’t noticed that.

“OH, TRUST ME,” said Crooks, “HE DOES LIKE GREASY FOOD. FAR TOO MUCH!”

Red let out another small laugh. Blueberry thought it was kind of weird that Red was so nice to Crooks, and even Axe. Not that it was bad! But Red had been really mad about Axe breaking into your apartment.

And then Axe had kissed you….

Blueberry felt himself pout. He couldn’t believe the nerve.

At least you hadn’t liked it….

“You?” Red said, gesturing to Papyrus.

“I’M DRAWING FLOWERY!” Papyrus told him, holding his current page up to reveal exactly what he’d said. A golden flower with a cute smile on its face.

“Right,” said Red, smirking a bit. “Flowery. Yer imaginary friend.”

“HE’S NOT IMAGINARY!” insisted Papyrus. “HE’S JUST VERY SHY!”

“I HAD A FLOWERY IN MY DIMENSION!” said Crooks. “HE JUST LOOKED DIFFERENT!”

Blueberry hadn’t heard that he’d looked different before. “HE DID?”

“YES! HE HAD ONE EYE AND NO MOUTH! BUT HE WAS VERY FRIENDLY!”

“Well,” said Red, “lookit that, looks like you two share an imaginary friend.”

“DON’T PICK ON THEM,” said Blueberry.

“What? If he’s real why haven’t we ever seen ‘im?”

“HE’S SHY,” said Papyrus. “THAT’S ALL!”

“If ya say so, buddy.” He turned to the hallway. “See ya. You guys have fun workin’ on yer stuff.”

“THANKS!” Blueberry called after him as he left. Red wasn’t so bad. Blue didn’t really understand why Red almost  _ wanted  _ to seem mean sometimes. Who would want other people to think they’re mean? Nobody likes mean people.

He turned to Crooks.

“I LIKE THE PICTURES YOU DRAW OF YOUR BROTHER!”

Crooks smiled. Those teeth still worried Blueberry. They needed to get fixed or he might hurt them even worse. “THANK YOU! I LOVE MY BROTHER!”

That was sweet.

“... CAN I TALK TO YOU ABOUT SOMETHING?”

Blueberry cocked his head a little. Crooks’ smile was gone. “OF COURSE!” Blueberry was always here to listen to his friends! He was great emotional support!

“YOU CAN TALK TO US ABOUT ANYTHING!” said Papyrus.

Crooks glanced over his shoulder. “COULD… WE CLOSE THAT?” he asked.

Papyrus nodded and Blueberry went over to the door and closed it. Whatever Crooks needed to feel comfortable.

Seeing that the door was closed, Crooks began: “I… I REALLY LOVE MY BROTHER. AND I ALWAYS TRY TO HELP HIM WHEN HE’S SAD.” He hesitated. “... BUT SOMETIMES, IT BECOMES A LOT FOR ME. I THINK… I THINK THAT SANS THINKS IT’S EASY FOR ME TO BE OPTIMISTIC.” He shook his head. “IT’S NOT. IT’S VERY HARD SOMETIMES.”

Blueberry wasn’t sure what to say, so he listened.

“WE HAD A FAMINE IN OUR DIMENSION. WE RAN OUT OF FOOD. OUR FRIENDS BETRAYED US. I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT TO DO. BUT… SANS WAS A LOT SADDER. HE HAD GOTTEN… THAT INJURY. AND HE WAS ANGRY, AND HE WANTED TO GIVE UP.” A small smile. “SO I DECIDED TO LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE, SO THAT HE COULD SEE THE LIGHT THAT WAS WITH US, EVEN IN ALL THE DARKNESS.”

Blueberry glanced at Papyrus and saw that Papyrus was looking at the table. Blueberry’s eyelights flitted to the tabletop as well.

“BUT IT WAS REALLY HARD. AND SOMETIMES I WISHED THAT HE WOULD LET  _ ME _ BE SAD, AND LISTEN TO  _ ME _ . BUT… HE WAS SAD, SO I COULDN’T MAKE HIM SADDER WITH MY SADNESS! YOU KNOW?”

Blueberry and Papyrus both lifted their heads a bit, and then nodded.

“YEAH,” said Blueberry.

“I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN,” said Papyrus.

“IT WAS SO BAD THERE,” continued Crooks. “IT  _ IS  _ SO BAD THERE. BUT EVEN… EVEN WHEN WE STARTED EATING…” He seemed to catch himself. “... E… EVEN WHEN THINGS GOT REALLY BAD, I FORCED MYSELF TO SEEM HAPPY, SO THAT SANS WOULDN’T LOSE HOPE.”

That had been a bit odd. Blueberry frowned, and he and Papyrus exchanged a concerned glance.

Silence.

“SOMETIMES,” said Crooks, “I STILL WISH HE WOULD LISTEN TO ME ABOUT MY PROBLEMS.”

He looked between the other skeletons.

“IS THAT SELFISH?”

That wasn’t what Blueberry had been expecting. And he hadn’t known that there had been a famine…. When he realized that he wasn’t smiling, he immediately put on the most reassuring grin that he possibly could.

“IT’S NOT SELFISH AT ALL!” he said.

“Y… YEAH!” agreed Papyrus, putting on his own smile. “IF YOUR BROTHER IS ANYTHING LIKE MINE, I’M SURE HE WILL LISTEN TO YOU! HE LOVES YOU TOO! SANS JUST… SHOWS HIS LOVE DIFFERENTLY!”

Blueberry nodded vigorously in agreement, though truthfully, he couldn’t remember the last time he had spoken to Papy about his worries. His  _ real _ worries, not when he was missing an action figure or annoyed that Papy hadn’t cleaned his room. In all honesty, Papy had been a little less lazy ever since they’d arrived here. Blue wasn’t sure why, but it was kind of like he’d felt trapped and now he didn’t feel as trapped anymore. So that was good. But Blue still worried about other things.

Like getting home.

He kept his smile on his face. For Crooks’ sake.

“I’M SURE IF YOU JUST TELL HIM YOU WANT TO TALK,” he told the tallest skeleton, “HE’LL LISTEN!”

Crooks seemed a bit reassured. “... YOU REALLY THINK SO?”

“OF COURSE!” Blueberry and his swapped counterpart said in unison.

“... OK! THANK YOU FOR LISTENING TO ME!”

“IT’S NO PROBLEM!” said Papyrus.

“YEAH,” said Blueberry, “ANYTIME!”

“OK!” said Crooks. “AND IF YOU EVER WANT TO TALK ABOUT SOMETHING YOU’RE WORRIED ABOUT, YOU CAN TALK TO ME!”

It was only when Crooks said it that Blueberry realized that no one had ever offered such a thing to him before. Blue had always been the emotional support friend-- the one anyone could go to for help when they were feeling sad. And Blue liked being there for people!

But… nobody had ever been that for Blue. Papy had been…. sometimes. Mostly when they were younger.

And then something had happened, and Papy had changed.

Blue still didn’t understand why.

_ … Hah. I’m still smiling. _

“THANK YOU!” he told Crooks. The offer was there. It was so nice of him to offer. But… Crooks was dealing with stuff. Blueberry didn’t want to make him sadder with his sadness.

You know?

* * *

That night, Sans came back from the shed after a whole lot of zero progress, and saw Axe in the kitchen, eating chocolate donuts. They were going to have to go to the grocery store to get these two exactly what they wanted to eat. Axe had clearly heard the sliding door to the backyard open, but didn’t look over.

Well, now was a decent time to  _ try _ starting a discussion. “Hey,” he said.

Axe made a small noise in response.

_ I don’t have time for this. _

“Could we maybe talk?” said Sans.

“I’m not helping with the Machine,” was Axe’s immediate response.

“That’s not what I wanted to talk about.”

“Are you gonna chew me out for something? Cuz I don’t wanna hear that either.”

This whole time Axe hadn’t looked at Sans. “No,” said Sans, “I’m not here to chew you out. I don’t wanna be enemies, alright?”

Finally, the other skeleton’s red eye glanced over at him.

“Yeah?” he said. “Last I checked I was the kind to hold grudges.”

“Well, I’m trying not to, OK?”

He saw Axe’s brow lift, but then he seemed to reconsider whatever he was thinking. He turned to face Sans completely.

“OK,” he said, “what is it?”

“I wanted to talk about our souls,” said Sans. “I know I, uh, said I wasn’t feeling anything with my soul when we talked. Before… y’know. But, um…”

Both of Axe’s brows raised in anticipation.  _ Ugh. _

“... I was kinda in denial. You were right about that, at least. Something’s up with our souls. I wanna figure out what it is.”

“And you want my help?”

“Yeah. And Stretch’s and Red’s, if we can get their help.”

“Out of curiosity, what’s gotten you so interested in figuring out what’s up all of a sudden?” An actual smile tugged at the corner of his teeth. “Not to mention that you just admitted to experiencing emotion.”

Sans shrugged. “Dunno, it’s just nagging at me.”

“You wanna make it stop, right?”

Sans said nothing.

“Figured.”

“You’re the one who was so pissed off about it before,” argued Sans.

“Yeah, cuz I thought we were being manipulated. She’s not doing it on purpose, so y’know.” He shrugged, smiling a little. “Not that I don’t wanna help with research. Just felt like antagonizing myself for a second.”

Well, he at least seemed to have some… kind of sense of humor.

“It is weird. We’re probably gonna have to start by sitting down and just jotting down ideas no matter how crazy they sound. Honestly I’m considering Blueberry’s argument.”

“Which one?” asked Sans. He couldn’t quite remember the details of their discussion earlier that week.

“The one about soulmates. I know it’s nuts, but you and I have seen some weird shit in our time. At least, I assume you have as well.”

“Wouldn’t we recognize the concept of soulmates if it were that?”

“Not really literally. What I’m thinking is more science than magic.” Axe took another bite of donut. “Like what you said about the Machine. What if our souls know that we’re gonna end up with her, and that’s why they’re all drawn to her?”

“All of us? In like, a giant polyamorous relationship?”

Axe shook his head. “We’re all from different dimensions, remember? We all have the same brothers. Maybe we all end up with her in our separate dimensions and the Machine shit gave us unconscious knowledge of that.”

“But that doesn’t explain--”

“It’s a rough theory,” said Axe. “And I might be completely wrong. Let’s see if we can get Red’s help.” Another bite. “And Stretch’s, yeah.”

_ Is he seriously willing to help me with this? _

“You really wanna help?” Sans asked.

“Sure. Lets me do some science without working on the Machine.”

“Thanks.”

Axe shrugged.

Well, this was definitely better than arguing.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At least Axe isn't a jerk anymore. But if there's one thing Vanilla really has maturity issues with, it's feelings.
> 
> (Honestly it seems like everybody in this fic has emotional issues, lol.)
> 
> Another reminder that I have [a tumblr](https://shyneanon.tumblr.com)! So ye!


	11. Flowers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Blueberry go on a date. He helps Sans with, um, research. Yeah.
> 
> You also see some interesting flowers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY I'M BACK WHAT'S UP. Sorry for the weeks I didn't post. But I'm back (for now ^^;). Hope you enjoy!

By the next morning, your guilt about going out with Blueberry was pretty much completely gone. Stretch seemed really happy that you were at least giving him a shot, so that meant you were making both of them glad, and that was comforting. Besides, what Stretch had said yesterday had given you some comfort. You couldn’t help the fact that you liked all of the skeletons at once. You could only control what you did about it. That was where you needed to think things through.

You were going out in the late afternoon. Blueberry had told you that the two of you would be outside for a good portion of your date-- not hiking or anything crazy like that, just outside-- so you had taken that into account when picking out clothes. Stretch had actually shortcutted you back to your apartment to grab some.

“I need to move back into my actual home,” you told him. “Since Axe doesn’t want to slice me in half anymore.”

He hadn’t said anything in response, just shrugged. You still weren’t sure what that had been supposed to mean.

“Hey.”

You were sitting on the couch, relaxing (weird how comfortable you felt here), when you turned and saw Sans with some sheets of paper. He looked even more exhausted than usual.

“Hey,” you said, frowning a little. “You OK?”

He seemed a bit surprised by the question. “O… Oh. Yeah. I’m fine.” His cheeks dusted blue. “Thanks… for asking.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “Just, uh… remember the other night, when we talked about that science project?”

“Yeah?” You tried not to think about what had happened after the conversation….

“So, I have some equations here…. You think you could look at them?”

“Sans, is that why you look so tired? Cuz you were doing physics?”

“Basically.”

“Don’t tire yourself out, it’s your hobby.” Still, you patted the space next to you. “C’mon, I can look at them once you’ve sat down.”

More blushing-- _Stop, you’re gonna make me blush too_ \-- and he sat down next to you. Right. Next to you. _And my face is hot._ Was he sitting this close… _He’s just doing it to be able to see the page with you. Also you’re going on a date later. Stop reading into it. Stoppit._

You took the page from him, took a look at it, and--

“Holy shit,” you muttered.

“Did I mess up that bad?” Sans said with a smile.

“No,” you told him, “it’s… This is really advanced stuff.” The guy was doing shit with wave-function equations. Like, the Schrodinger Equation. And judging from what you could see, he seemed to have a good understanding of what he was doing. Not only in terms of math but he seemed to understand what all of this actually meant, beyond the scope of the page. He was looking for real-world answers, not just plugging in numbers and seeing what happened. “Like… seriously. It’s… I was expecting simple stuff.”

“What?” Sans said in mock surprise. “I thought this was simple.”

You giggled. He sounded so tired….

“This is like quantum mechanics,” you said, “right? That’s what you’re doing? Quantum mechanics?”

Sans nodded.

“What _is_ this project?” you said with a smile. “What are you doing, trying to open a portal to another dimension?”

You were too busy looking at the notes to see Sans’ eyelights shrink a bit. You only heard his chuckle.

“I wish,” he said.

The idea of that was implausible anyway. Not only would that require far more knowledge of quantum mechanics than Sans was bound to have, but that wasn’t really how quantum physics worked. You didn’t open _portals._

Well… you supposed technically no one knew what happened when someone traveled to another dimension, since no one had ever done it before.

“Whatever it is,” you said, “it’s gonna take me more time than I have right now to check on the math.” You thought a moment, then said, “Actually, it’s gonna take me… a long time, to do that. I know what I said earlier when you asked me about this, but I’m not really sure that I have the time to--”

“I’ll hire you.”

You turned to him. “What?”

“Yeah. Like pretend I’m a scientist guy and I’m hiring you as an intern.”

_Uh_ …

“OK,” you said, “but you’re not a scientist guy. And I wouldn’t be an intern. No offense.” You assumed Sans was suggesting you quit your regular job. “Also, you’re gonna pay me enough that I can afford rent and food? And… y’know, stuff?”

“You can move in here and pay rent. I pay you and then you give me some of the money back.”

_Move in?_

Admittedly, it didn’t sound like a terrible idea. You liked everyone here, getting to live with them seemed nice. And then at least you’d be doing actual physics for a job, even if it was for a hobbyist. You weren’t sure how good it would look on your resume, but it would at least be _“Hey look, I did physics. For pay. I can do physics.”_

But at the same time, your job kinda gave you contact with the outside world that was healthy for you. And maybe it was a little risky to have your job directly connected to where you were living. You’d be basically fully financially dependent on this person you’d just met….

Maybe if you signed a lease or some other document, so that he couldn’t just kick you out whenever? So even if he fired you you’d still have a place to live. But how did that work legally? Did he have to get documentation authorizing him to use a lease? Would he want to bother with that?

“You can think about it,” said Sans. “You don’t have to decide right now. It would just… be really nice to have someone checking our math.”

_Well… OK._

“I’ll think about it,” you told him.

“Good enough for me,” he replied. The bags under his eyes really were way more pronounced than usual.

“Hey.”

“Yeah, kiddo?”

“I never thought I’d say this, but… you should go to sleep. You look really tired.”

He chuckled. “Trust me, I’ll go to sleep.” He winked. “That’s my favorite hobby.”

You snorted, and his face turned blue.

“Hey, uh… you’re dressed up more than usual. What’s the occasion?”

“Oh.” You smiled. “Blueberry and I are going on a date.”

He blinked, and his face turned darker. “... You are?”

“Yeah, he asked me out yesterday.”

For a few moments, he just stared, and his smile even faltered. You couldn’t read the expression on his face no matter how hard you tried.

_Is he disappointed?_

Then he grinned again, looking relaxed as ever. “Hey, that’s nice. I hope you two have a great time.”

You weren’t sure how to respond, given you had no idea how he felt about this. With some hesitation, you said, “Thanks.”

He held his hand out.

“You can hand the pages back,” he said. “I’ll put them somewhere safe before I go to sleep.”

Why was his perma-grin such an effective poker face? You had no idea what was going through his head. Maybe he really was just… chill about this? Chances were he wasn’t going to tell you anything-- which was fair, he had no obligation to-- so you just handed the pages over with the warmest smile you could muster.

“Sleep well,” you said, “OK?”

“Absolutely,” he said, and then winked. “It’s what I do best.”

He then turned around and took a few steps away from the couch.

He paused.

His head turned to look back at you.

_Are his eyelights bigger than normal?_

You watched him, desperately trying to read past the smile and into whatever he was actually thinking. Why was he like this--

Without any warning Sans went over to you, cupped your face, and then gave your cheek a small kiss. Startled, you froze. There was a moment of awkward silence, and you looked at him for an explanation. His gaze was fixed on… anything but you.

“Have a nice date,” he said, and then disappeared.

For a few seconds you just sat on the couch trying to figure out what had just happened. Once that registered, you tried to figure out why. You’d _just_ told Sans you were going on a date. He’d just _wished_ you a nice date.

_So why the hell?_

Sans wasn’t like Red. Red… _might_ do something like that? Maybe? As a smug, teasing thing, an _“I-dare-you-to-not-think-about-this-while-on-your-date_.” But honestly you weren’t even sure if Red would do that. He wasn’t a complete asshole, you felt he’d respect the fact that Blueberry was going out with you.

Two nights ago you’d thought Sans had been about to kiss you on the lips. But then he hadn’t. 

And now this?

Maybe you were just reading into it. He had said that skeletons were more open to physical affection, right? So maybe, like… that was all. Maybe it had been nothing more than a friendly kiss on the cheek, and he’d really just meant that he wanted you and Blueberry to have a good time.

You weren’t sure why you cared so much.

Not wanting to dwell on it any longer, you decided to check social media.

That would distract you.

* * *

Sans regretted his decision even before shortcutting upstairs.

_You idiot, you’re just making things worse for yourself…. And she’s going out with Blue._

Right.

Blue.

Where was Blue?

When he heard the shouting of his brother and two other loud voices coming from Red’s room, he went over to it. The door was already open, so once he got into the doorway he could clearly see the three cheerier skeletons gathered around Red, who was sitting at his desktop computer. They were all talking, so Red wasn’t playing games.

“You guys’d love this one,” he said.

Sans felt some paranoia kick in and spoke up. “Whatcha doin’?”

They all turned, and he was surprised to find genuine smiles on all their faces.

“They were askin’ me about puzzle games,” said Red. “They wanna try ‘em out.”

Oh. Sans wasn’t sure what he’d been expecting, really.

_Whatever. Back on topic._

“Blue,” Sans said, “(y/n) said you’re going on a date with her today.”

Blue puffed up with pride. “I AM!”

Sans walked in and headed up to Blue. “Can I ask you a favor?”

“OF COURSE!” was Blue’s immediate response. Sans tried to ignore the raised brow Red was directing at him.

“If you can I want you to get her to kiss you.”

Blue’s face flushed. “H… HUH?”

Contrary to Blue, Red whistled. “Vanilla wants some action, huh?” He raised a brow with a smug smile. “What’s th’matter? Too scared tah go get a kiss yerself? Jus’ gonna settle for secondhand?”

“ _No_ ,” said Sans.

“I DIDN’T KNOW YOU LIKED HER TOO, VANILLA!” said Blue. “YOU SAID YOU DIDN’T--”

Sans shushed him, his face warming up. The mere idea of you walking upstairs only to hear Blue screaming this was enough to give him a rush of embarrassment.

He then continued: “I know it sounds weird but this is for research purposes--”

Red started to laugh. He laughed so hard that he doubled over and almost fell out of his chair.

“ _Research purposes!_ ” he managed through wheezes.

“It _is_ ,” said Sans, but his face had only gotten hotter. “Axe and I are looking into the souls thing. He’s got a theory but it doesn’t entirely explain why we _all_ like her, only why half of us like her.”

“WHAT IS IT?” asked Paps.

“It’s complicated, it has to do with the Machine. And… soulmates, in a way, I guess.”

“AXE AGREES WITH ME?” said Blue.

“Kinda.”

“WOWZERS!”

It always caught Sans off-guard when Blue began with _“Wow”_ and ended in _“zers.”_ Sans was so accustomed to hearing _“Wowie”_ from Paps instead. Sometimes just looking at Blue was odd-- a version of himself with the same posture, gait, and energy as his brother….

_Wait a second._

Blue cocked his head. “WHAT?”

Sans realized his eye sockets had widened in his _Aha_ moment.

“It’s you,” said Sans. “You and your brother.”

“WHAT’S ME AND MY BROTHER?”

Sans began to explain: “So, what Axe and I are thinking is that the soulmate thing you said is partially true, but not the way you meant. It’s less a natural bond and more one caused by the Machine. Chances are there’s a version of her in each of our dimensions. So Axe’s theory is that at some point in the _future_ , in our own dimensions, we end up with her. And while we can’t tell the future, when we… well, I… caused all that mess with the Machine, our souls may have gained some unconscious… knowledge of, or sense for… it. Meaning that we’re all drawn to this version of her because our souls know that we should end up with her in our dimensions.”

“THAT MAKES SENSE!” said Blueberry.

“The only problem with this,” Sans continued, “is that it doesn’t explain why all of us are into her. There’s two of us in each dimension, right? One Sans and one Papyrus. So the only way to explain all of us liking her _was_ that we end up in a polygamous relationship that’s just her, us, and our own brothers. Which… I dunno about you guys, but I’m not sure how much I personally like that idea.”

“Hell no,” said Red. Judging from the looks on everyone else’s faces, he seemed to be speaking for everyone in the room.

“But… there’s you guys.” Sans pointed at Blue. “You and Stretch. You two are switched around. Maybe she ends up with the other brother in your dimension, which caused all of us to like her instead of just half of us. Because our souls seem to be syncing up.”

Red’s brow furrowed in thought. “Hey, that… actually does make a lotta sense.”

“SO,” said Blueberry, “IF WE ALL LIKE HER BECAUSE OUR SOULS ARE SENSING WHAT HAPPENS IN THE FUTURE, WHAT ABOUT HER? DOES SHE FEEL THE PULL ON HER SOUL TOO?”

There was silence in the room for a few moments.

Sans hadn’t thought of that.

“She does.”

Everyone turned and saw Stretch standing in the doorway.

“Sorry,” he said. “Overheard.”

“How would you know she feels a pull?” asked Red, sounding oddly suspicious.

“She asked me about girls who like multiple guys at the same time and don’t pick one. So chances are she probably feels a pull towards at least two of us.”

Everyone in the room exchanged glances. Despite his attempts to stop himself, Sans remembered what had happened two nights ago.

When you had said his name.

Did you feel the pull towards him that he felt towards you?

His soul started to thrum with excitement.

Red hopped off his chair with an impish grin. “Well, guess we should just go ask who she likes, right?”

Everyone in the room immediately began loudly insisting that he _not_ do that, and he put his hands up in mock surrender.

“OK, OK, relax. Your loss.” He sat back in his chair. “I don’t feel nothin’ in my soul for her anyway.”

Sans wondered if that was true. It was Red. Not that Red was a bad person, necessarily, but he obviously had… _some_ experience with women, though how much was unclear. More than Sans, certainly. And whenever he flirted with you it was more suggestive and physical than anything. Maybe he really didn’t feel any kind of bond with you.

Was that a good thing or a bad thing?

“SO," said Blueberry, "YOU WANT ME TO KISS HER... T... TO HELP YOU WITH YOUR SCIENCE?" He was turning blue again.

“If you want,” said Sans.

“I MEAN... Y... YEAH, OF COURSE!" Blue rubbed the back of his cervical spine. TO, UM... HELP YOU!"

“Don’t like… force her, though.”

He immediately quit looking nervous. “NO, I WOULDN’T DO THAT! THAT’S INCREDIBLY UNGENTLEMANLY!”

Red scoffed. “I do _not_ believe this is fer research.”

“Well, believe it,” said Sans.

“It’s at least not _entirely_ fer research. You wanna smooch, yer jus’ too scared tah try an’ get some.”

Sans glared and made to retort, but Papyrus interrupted with, “THERE IS NO NEED TO MAKE ACCUSATIONS!”

“Yeah,” said Stretch. “Axe’s theory may have been wrong, but I’ll admit, he was right about us acting like kids. Let’s not act like kids.”

“OH GEEZ!” exclaimed Blueberry. “IT’S ALMOST TIME FOR OUR DATE! I HAVE TO MAKE SURE I’M COMPLETELY READY!”

He headed for the door and Stretch let him through.

Red raised a brow. “You guys all seen ‘er in those shorts?”

“WHAT SHORTS?” asked Crooks.

“She’s wearin’ some shorts I’ve never seen ‘er in before. Ya should see b’fore she leaves.” His fanged grin widened. “Cuz _damn_ , those legs….”

Yeah… your legs. Sans looked at the floor, trying not to remember how hard it had been to force himself not to stare at them. Unfortunately that only succeeded in making the memory more vivid.

_Nice legs…_

“Looks like Vanilla’s seen th’ shorts,” Red said smugly, and Sans forced himself not to respond. His face was hot again.

Stretch looked in the direction of the stairs, then started. “Oh, hey.”

“Hey,” answered your voice. Sans felt both a bout of panic and a hard thumping in his soul. He-- and everyone else-- attempted to look casual as you walked into the doorway and peeked inside.

“What are you guys doing?” you asked. Oh crap, now that you were standing up Sans could really see your legs. Despite his attempts to keep his gaze on your face it kept drifting down to your thighs.

“WE ARE ASKING RED ABOUT PUZZLE GAMES!” said Paps. Was Sans nuts or did he sound flustered? “S… SINCE… YOU RECOMMENDED THEM TO US!”

“Y… YES!” answered Crooks. He fiddled with his gloves. Seeing two Papyruses looking nervous was jarring.

Red, by contrast, let out a playful wolf whistle. “Hey there, beautiful.” He waggled his brows. “Come here often?”

You squinted, but your face turned pink and Sans could see you holding back a smile. _How the hell does he do that?_

“Behave yourself, Red.” Despite your words, you had a facetious tone in your voice.

“OK.” A wink. “I’ll be a good boy fer you, babe.”

Your face scrunched up, probably at the connotation of his words, and he laughed.

“Alright, alright, I’ll leave you alone. Sorry.”

“Weirdo,” was your reply, but you were smiling.

Blue’s voice sounded: “OK! I’M READY!”

You smiled at Blue as he walked into Sans’ line of sight. “Yeah?”

“Y… YEAH.” It looked like even Blue was having a hard time not looking at your legs. “YOU LOOK… REALLY NICE.”

“Thanks, Blue.”

“WHAT’S GOING ON?!” yelled an angry voice that was instantly recognizable. The stomping of boots announced Edge’s approach and arrival.

“Blueberry and I are going on a date,” you said.

His face flushed. “WHAT?!”

“You heard. We’re going on a date. In fact, we’re almost late, so.” You turned back to Blue with a smile. “Why don’t we go?”

“S— SURE!”

Smiling at everyone who had gathered in Red’s room, you said, “Bye guys. See ya later.”

Everyone waved. Sans tried not to feel a pang of jealousy as you took Blue’s hand and left with him. There was a moment of silence as you walked away with another skeleton.

“SINCE WHEN WERE WE GOING ON DATES WITH HER?!” demanded Edge. As if anyone was going to have an answer to that question.

“THAT’S WHAT RED SAID!” observed Crooks, and Sans turned to find Red’s face flushing its namesake color.

“My _brother’s_ going on a date with her,” said Stretch. “That doesn’t mean all of us are.”

Edge glared. “AND SINCE WHEN WAS YOUR BROTHER THE MOST ELIGIBLE CANDIDATE FOR HER AFFECTIONS?!”

_Uh oh._

Stretch’s brow furrowed and his smile widened. “ _What_ did you just say?”

Edge’s look faltered. “... I MEAN. I’M JUST CONFUSED… AS TO WHY… UM….” When he realized that Stretch was not the least bit assuaged by his stammering, he said, “NEVERMIND.”

“That’s better.”

Even Edge knew better than to really piss off one of the more mellow of the skeletons.

* * *

You and Blue eventually arrived at some gardens. The fancy, public kind.

“THEY HAVE A LAKE HERE!” said Blueberry. “AND THERE’S A NICE SPOT WHERE YOU CAN SEE THE SUNSET! AND… IT’S KIND OF PRIVATE.”

His face turned blue.

“I, UM, THOUGHT IT MIGHT BE ROMANTIC.”

As you headed in through an open gate, he gestured at the flowers.

“THIS IS WHY I USED THE FLOWER POEM ON MY POSTER!”

_Oh. Oh!_ That never would’ve occurred to you! “That’s smart!” you told him.

His grin turned oddly playful. You’d never seen that expression on his face before. “YOU SOUND SURPRISED THAT I’M SMART.” The accusatory tone was also playful, which was the real surprising part.

“I’m not surprised that you’re smart,” you said, smiling. “I _am_ surprised that you’re making jokes and stuff though.”

He shrugged. “USUALLY PAPY IS THE JOKESTER AND I’M THE ONE WHO GETS ON HIS CASE. BUT THAT’S JUST KIND OF HOW WE ARE WHEN WE’RE AROUND EACH OTHER! AS A PAIR! BY OURSELVES WE CAN KIND OF BE BOTH!”

You hadn’t thought of it that way, but yeah. Sometimes siblings have a certain dynamic around each other, but they have their own selves as well.

“THERE WILL BE LESS BAD PUNS, THOUGH!” A… wink? “SORRY IF THAT DISAPPOINTS YOU!”

A snicker escaped you.

“THAT WASN’T EVEN A JOKE!” He was beaming.

“It was funny though.”

“MWEH HEH! I’M A MASTER OF COMEDY!”

That got you to laugh, which seemed to thrill him.

The walk to the spot Blueberry had been talking about wasn’t too long, but it was certainly scenic. These gardens weren’t at all out in the wild but the owners had clearly done their best to keep this place clean. You wondered if the stars were at all easier to see out here, but most likely pollution from surrounding areas had distributed itself into the atmosphere above the gardens as well. Still, they were beautiful. The two of you hopped on some rocks to cross a small, gentle waterfall running down into the lake, you passed by a small garden of sunflowers taller than you and most people you’d met, you made your way through a garden of roses. Blueberry talked the whole way, mostly interesting stories you hadn’t heard before, more jokes, and occasional remarks about the flowers not being as pretty as you, which made you blush every time.

Eventually he led you off the immediate path in a slightly more wooded area and down a small, almost unnoticeable one, until you came upon the lake’s edge. You could see why he’d wanted to bring you here-- it seemed you were at a perfect angle to watch the sunset, and there were plenty of rocks that looked good for resting on. The two of you sat down, watching the lake’s edge as the sun barely started to touch it. It cast a soft fuzz on the horizon and streaks of bright orange rippling on the lake. Everything was bathed in its glow, including the swans and geese and turtles in the lake, the rock you and Blueberry were sitting on, Blueberry, you, and some flowers in front of you.

Very yellow flowers.

“THOSE ARE GOLDEN FLOWERS,” Blueberry explained-- he must have noticed you looking at them. “THEY’RE QUEEN TORIEL’S FAVORITE. AT LEAST, WHERE PAPY AND I COME FROM. HERE THEY’RE KING ASGORE’S FAVORITE.“

You turned to find him watching the water. He didn’t seem to realize what he’d just said at all, much less the strangeness of it. How could a flower be someone’s favorite kind in one location and not…

_Wait._

_Wait a second._

Papyrus and Sans were brothers.

There were multiple Sans-es and Papyrus-es.

Blueberry had mentioned roles, and it did seem like usually Sans was the laid-back, pun-loving one while the other was the straight-laced but also hyperactive and affectionate one. Not so with Blueberry and Stretch, though. They were the other way around. Like Papyrus and Sans swapped.

Queen Toriel and King Asgore had been a pair. You didn’t know details about their relationship and how it had ended, but they had been married, and they’d had a son. King Asgore’s favorite flower-- _here_ \-- was the golden flower. Where Stretch and Blueberry came from, they were Queen Toriel’s favorite flower.

Like they were swapped.

This morning Sans had shown you work he was doing with the Schrodinger’s Equation. Quantum mechanics.

When the skeletons said _here_ or _there_ or _where x comes from_ , they weren’t talking about a location on a map. They weren’t talking about a town, or a city, or a country. They were talking about…

_Holy shit._

_I need to talk to someone about this._

“Y’KNOW, I LOVE PAPY, BUT IT’S KIND OF NICE BEING HERE WITHOUT ANYONE ELSE.”

Your attention turned back to Blueberry. He was smiling at you.

“THE OTHERS ARE NICE, BUT WE’RE ALL KIND OF CRAZY, MWEH HEH. IT’S GOOD TO BE AWAY FROM THAT.”

The smile softened.

“WITH YOU.”

Your face felt warm, and you started to feel that strange thing inside you again… moving towards him…

_Blueberry too?_

A hand placed itself on yours, and despite it being mildly unexpected, you didn’t move away. His touch felt electric… so you didn’t want it to stop.

The two of you had moved closer to each other, and his cheeks were blue. A ripple of wind caused his bandanna to wave a bit and you realized that despite his stature and his big starry eyelights, the way he carried himself and his outfit did make him look strong and confident.

Your face got hotter when you realized you found that attractive.

“You look amazing,” he told you-- it was always noticeable when one of the louder skeletons lowered their voice.

The way he was looking at you… You observed a change in his eyelights as they seemed to get fuzzier. Curious, you reached out with your free hand and traced under his eye socket, and he flushed blue.

He spoke again: “I... hope I’m not being too forward, but… m… my soul… It feels amazing right now.”

The eyelights got fuzzier.

“(Y/n), I… There’s this gap between us, and I… I don’t want it to be there anymore.”

Your heart picked up. Did he mean…?

“If it’s OK, I… I really want to kiss you.”

That thing in you that you weren’t used to felt pulled harder in his direction. Without thinking, you said, “Yes, it’s OK.”

You expected him to lean in and press his teeth to your lips, so when he suddenly picked you up with no effort and stood, you yelped a little. You were in his arms bridal style again, and you held onto his neck. The setting sun bathed him in that striking glow, and you realized that from a distance this probably looked almost cinematic, with the way he was holding you and the sunset behind you.

He leaned close and his eyes lidded-- less like the way Red’s would and more in a dreamy way. The gaze and your proximity made you shiver.

“You’re the most beautiful flower in this garden, (y/n).”

And with that he gently pressed his teeth to your lips. The sensation of it was different, but butterflies exploded in your stomach and your heart raced, and you sighed as his teeth stroked your lips. It was soft-- perhaps even loving was the right word for it-- and it certainly delivered his message. It seemed to last forever, and you gently returned the affection. As your eyelids fluttered shut your other senses heightened and you could feel the way his arms firmly gripped you.

_So strong…._

Eventually the kiss broke and he pulled away. Your eyes opened but you felt dizzy.

“Did I do OK?” he asked shyly, and you nodded.

“It was amazing,” you told him, and his smile widened.

“Y… yeah. It… felt amazing for me too.”

Seriously, no joke. You’d never have expected Blueberry to be so romantic. Like, genuinely-make-you-swoon romantic. But… wow.

“You look… so angelic in the sunset,” he told you, and you flushed red. Your gaze drifted to his teeth. Your heart was still going a thousand miles an hour. That thing in you… It wanted more.

You wanted more.

He blinked, and you saw a look of realization cross his features. _W… Was I staring?_

Then his teeth crashed against your lips and he pulled you closer. You were startled for a moment but then kissed back. This kiss was _so_ much different. It was desperate, and excited, and even kind of assertive on his end. That thing in you felt like it wanted to crash into him, almost fuse with him? You weren’t sure what this feeling was, you just knew you didn’t want it to end. You only broke the kisses for breath and then immediately continued.

You heard him say your name, and you returned it with his. Not his nickname. His real name.

“Sans,” you whispered, and he kissed harder.

* * *

Back in the house, the skeletons had all immediately retreated from each other at the feeling of the first kiss. Sitting there feeling the sensation of gently pressing their teeth to your lips felt too awkward in front of the others. When the second kiss began, they all felt very relieved that they had separated themselves earlier. They all wanted to let the sensation wash over them. Even the most jealous members of the household felt their jealousy overwhelmed by the feeling of your arms around their necks, your lips pressing against their teeth over and over, them holding you close. Despite how good it felt, though, in the back of their minds, all of them still knew you were kissing Blue. The feeling was distinct.

More than ever they wanted to kiss you like this too.

* * *

Eventually you and Blueberry calmed down, but you were shaking. You could feel chemicals surging through every part of you, and you had to wonder if part of it was just shock at the way Blueberry had kissed you. He was so small, and usually he was a gentle sweetheart. This hadn’t been _steamy_ , but it had been a _lot_ more intense than you’d ever expected from him. You were rendered speechless.

_Damn._

“Was it nice?” he asked.

You managed a nod.

“It… it wasn’t too much, right?”

You shook your head. _Hell no._

“... Are you OK?”

Finally, you managed words. “Yeah, I’m… That was just… really great.”

A smile. “Really? I’m… I’m glad.”

He looked you over.

“M… maybe… we could do it one more--”

There was a loud honking noise from the lake as a goose decided to interrupt you. You both started, and then, after a moment of silence, started to laugh. Blueberry gently set you upright so that you were standing on both two feet.

He coughed, and managed to start talking in his usual volume, with his usual smile. He was still blushing, though, and seemed to be having a hard time making eye contact. “I… I WOULD CALL THIS DATE A SUCCESS!”

You snickered, nodding in agreement. You were still kind of dazed from all this, so the implications of what had just happened had not yet occurred to you.

“IT’S STARTING TO GET DARK, SO WE SHOULD HEAD BACK HOME!”

“We should,” you agreed, and the two of you returned to the main path, bidding the golden flowers goodbye.

As you headed from the gardens and back home, you were happy to find that your conversations remained fun. There was no weird romantic aura permeating the atmosphere. You’d been on dates with a couple of guys who hadn’t really been able to act normal on a date-- they’d been overly romantic the entire time. Not to a creepy extent, but you’d just wanted to talk to them and get to know them and have fun, and you hadn’t been able to. You were glad that, even after a kiss, Blueberry was still just friendly and fun. Even as you came back down to Earth and started to worry about the potential ramifications of this, you at least felt comforted by the fact that Blueberry wasn’t being weird.

Maybe the others… didn’t need to know what had happened. At least for now.

When you arrived at the house, the two of you got out of the car and headed for the door, and you briefly noticed something in the front lawn. Now that the sun was almost down, it was difficult to see details, but it looked like one of those golden flowers Blueberry had mentioned earlier.

Huh. You felt like it hadn’t been there before. But you were probably only noticing it because you had learned its species’ name. Now the frequency illusion was going to make you start seeing them everywhere. There was no way it had just magically appeared in the front lawn while you and Blueberry were gone.

After all, flowers can’t move on their own.

Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's just a regular flower.
> 
> Maybe.
> 
> Hope you guys liked the date, I'm still not quite accustomed to writing romantic scenes. But I hope I pulled it off.
> 
> (Also I have [a tumblr](https://shyneanon.tumblr.com) :P)


	12. Budding Relations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein you make a friend and Edge seeks advice. (Also cuddles happen.)

The moment you stepped inside the house, you smelled something  _ incredibly  _ burnt. Your first instinct was to cough.

Some of the skeletons— Sans, Stretch, Papyrus, and Crooks— were all sitting downstairs. They all looked mildly displeased, so they probably smelled it too. Looking at Blueberry, you saw him blinking, confused.

“Hey bro.”

Your attention turned back to the other skeletons. Stretch gave the two of you a casual, two-fingered salute. You noticed that Papyrus and Crooks were looking at you funny.

Sans wasn’t looking at you at all.

“How’d the date go?” Stretch asked.

“IT WENT GREAT!” said Blueberry, and you nodded in agreement. Neither of you mentioned the kiss, and you were thankful for that.

The smell was still strong, though, and you coughed a little into your elbow.

“Yeah,” said Stretch, “that would be Edge.”

_ What?  _ “Edge?” you repeated.

“HUMAN!”

Edge was standing in the entrance to the kitchen. Red was next to him— and looked terrified.

“SINCE YOU ARE NO DOUBT EXHAUSTED FROM YOUR  _ DATE  _ WITH BLUE, I HAVE MADE YOU DINNER!”

_ Ohh no. _

“Is… that what I’m smelling right now?” you asked.

“YES! COME, AND I WILL SHOW YOU WHAT REAL FOOD TASTES LIKE!”

_ Umm. _

“NOW!”

“OK,” you said, “no. Not until you say please.”

“S… STOP WASTING MY TIME!”

You folded your arms. His face turned beet red.

“F— FINE! PLEASE!”

You made your way towards the kitchen and Edge headed straight for the stove. You looked over at Red, who was uncharacteristically quiet.

He whispered quickly, without pausing:

“I tried tah talk him outta it but I couldn’t I’m so sorry.”

Was it really that bad?

Well, judging by the smell, probably.

“BEHOLD!”

You looked back at Edge to find him holding a plate with blackened… something… sitting on it. Not wanting to start conflict, you smiled politely. “Um… what is it, exactly?”

“LASAGNA! WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE?!”

There was no good answer to that question. Not if you didn’t want to lie.

So you shrugged.

“WELL?! TAKE IT! EAT IT!”

“ _ Please, _ ” you emphasized.

“... PLEASE!”

You took the plate, which already had a fork on it, and inspected the, uh,  _ lasagna _ , which really just looked like a lumpy, blackened brick.

_ Maybe it’s only burnt on the outside? _

You took your fork and cut into it.

_ Nope. Completely burnt all the way through. Cool. _

_ Also, what are these lumps? _

Curiously, you pried some sort of hard… something… out of the lasagna. Mostly. It was still coated in the stuff so you couldn’t tell what it was, but it didn’t feel like the rest. It was a lot harder.

“What is this?” you asked.

“GLASS!”

Confused, you said, “What does that mean?”

“IT MEANS WHAT IT MEANS! GLASS!”

_ Wait, what. _

“This is literal glass,” you repeated.

“YES! I ALWAYS PUT GLASS IN MY LASAGNA! SANS THINKS IT’S DELICIOUS!”

You looked over at Red to find him with his eyelights— now barely visible, they were so small— locked on the ground. Looked like he was set on not saying a word. Did Edge force him to eat this stuff?  _ Poor guy. _

Turning back to Edge, you said, “I’m not eating this.”

“WHAT?”

“I’m not eating this. It will literally land me in the hospital.”

“DON’T BE DRAMATIC!”

You resisted the urge to get angry. “Edge, do you know anything about human anatomy?”

“NO AND I DON’T—“

“When I, a human, eat human food, it goes down a tunnel of soft tissue called my esophagus.”

“DISGUSTING, THIS IS WHY--”

“Even if the lasagna is monster food, glass isn’t food. It’s not edible. It won’t magically convert to energy, it will go down my esophagus. Sharp glass. Going through a tunnel of soft tissue. You’re not dumb, Edge, you know that would end badly. You’d have to take me to the hospital and there would be a lot of blood.”

Edge’s face was red again. He looked more embarrassed than anything.

“I understand if you didn’t know this because you’re a skeleton and skeletons’ bodies are a lot stronger.” You hoped he’d take that as flattery. “You don’t have soft stuff. But it would hurt me. And you seem like a tough, survival-of-the-fittest type of guy, right?”

Thankfully he seemed to warm up at what you’d just said. He folded his arms. “OF COURSE! ONLY THE STRONG AND QUICK-WITTED LIVE!”

“Well, I’m trying to be fit by avoiding stuff that would kill me. Or at least do lasting damage. That’s the smart thing to do, right?”

“IT… WELL, I UNDERSTAND! YOU ARE NOT OBLIGATED TO EAT MY COOKING!”

You heard Red let out a sigh, though he was obviously trying to keep it quiet.

“IT IS UNFORTUNATE THAT YOUR FRAIL BODY DOES NOT ALLOW YOU TO EXPERIENCE THE PLEASURES OF MY INCREDIBLE CULINARY SKILLS!” His face was still red. “THIS IS WHY YOU NEED ME AROUND! TO PROTECT YOU!”

You decided  _ not  _ to point out that he’d just tried to feed you something that would’ve hurt you badly. “I appreciate it. Thank you, Edge.”

An arm was slung around your shoulder. Red. He was grinning. “I bet her frail body c’n experience  _ other _ types of pleasures, right, Boss?” A wink at you. For some reason he didn’t seem quite as relaxed as normal. Probably trying to diffuse the tension by saying something distinctly… him.

“SHUT UP SANS!” Edge’s face somehow managed to get redder. Red released you. Yep, he’d been looking to distract Edge.

“In all seriousness, how’d the date go, sweetheart?”

“It went really well,” you said.

He raised his brows. “You guys kiss?”

“That’s none of your business.” You didn’t say it too sternly. You knew he wasn’t all that serious.

“I’m gonna take that as a yes.”

“IT WAS A WONDERFUL DATE!” said Blueberry, who had apparently been behind you. You turned and saw that his face was blue. “WE HAD AN AMAZING TIME TOGETHER!”

You nodded, smiling, and you felt your face warm up.

Someone else joined the conversation: “Maybe we could order pizza for dinner.”

You turned and saw that Sans had walked in, though he still wasn’t looking at you. “Yeah,” you said, doing your best to be friendly. You saw his eyelights look at you and then immediately dart away.

Regardless of the awkwardness, you all ordered pizza, and once the others joined it was chaotic enough for any odd atmosphere to go away. As usual, Axe and Crooks ate the most heartily. Axe was smiling the whole time, a lot like his counterparts. It made you happy.

But…  _ Alternate dimensions. _

Sans wasn’t withdrawn anymore but… he did a lot of dodging questions. If he’d wanted you to know, he would’ve told you. Maybe Red would tell you if you asked? But you weren’t sure. He was more open about… certain things… but you had the feeling he was a question-dodger too. Stretch was. How much did Papyrus, Blueberry, and Edge know? For some reason they didn’t seem to know as much, and even if they did, they seemed like they wouldn’t say anything if their brothers had told them not to.

… But there was Axe.

Axe was a lot like Sans but he seemed a lot less shy. He’d been very clear when you’d met that he did  _ not  _ like you, and while he hadn’t given you the details as to why, you had never asked. You had the feeling he wouldn’t dodge questions quite as much.

His red eye met your gaze, and when he noticed you he gave a friendly wink. You were getting used to the empty-socketed wink, actually. You smiled and winked back, and you saw him laugh a little.

It was good he didn’t hate you anymore.

After a while, the band started to split up.

Well… not really split up. Sans was the first to stand, but once he did, the rest seemed to get up almost simultaneously, except Blue.

“We’ve gotta go,” said Sans before throwing you a wink. “Club meeting. Night, kiddo.”

_ Huh? _ “Oh, um, bye.”

They started to go, and even Blueberry joined them-- although before leaving, he gave you a kiss on the cheek, which you returned. Everyone else was blushing when you stopped.  _ Geez, have these guys never seen anyone kiss on the cheek? _

What the heck were they all leaving for? Even Axe…. You’d have to ask him about the alternate dimension stuff later.

For now… Well, you didn’t want to intrude.

Maybe you could just step outside, and get some fresh air. You’d just been out with Blueberry but maybe being by yourself for a bit would be nice.

When you stepped out the sliding glass door in the back of the kitchen, you felt a soft, pleasant breeze. In front of you was the same puzzle that Blueberry and Papyrus had been working on before, though it seemed to have been modified. Remembering that Papyrus and Crooks had mentioned games, you smiled. Maybe they’d really enjoy puzzle games.

You then looked over at the shed, which was locked.  _ Poor guys. _ Some weird, space-time anomaly had just thrown them all here, and now they were having to try and teach themselves physics to get back home.

You couldn’t help but wonder what was actually in there. A bunch of notes hung up on walls, probably.

Man, this was… so much. So much to process. You wished you could talk about this with someone, but your coworkers couldn’t know about this. So you were stuck keeping things to yourself.

Right now, you could really just… use a friend.

_ Hey. Wait a second. _

There was another golden flower growing right next to the shed. You could  _ swear _ it hadn’t been there. It was drooping forward a bit, too, obscuring the front from you.

Deciding to get a closer look, you approached it. Its petals waved slightly in the breeze as you walked up to it.

_ Seriously, I swear this wasn’t here. Am I insane? _

You knelt down in front of it.

It was certainly a pretty color.

A sudden gust of wind-- or, at least, that’s what you first assumed-- got the flower to quit drooping. When you felt no breeze blowing against you, you realized that there had been no force to move it upright.

You then realized it had a face.

“Boo.”

You almost fell backwards, yelling. The flower… laughed? Its tiny face beamed as it burst into a small fit of laughter. It didn’t sound quite like a child’s, though it was a bit high pitched. All you could do was stare.

When it quit laughing, it smiled up at you. Just a pair of cartoonish, tall eyes and a line curving up for a mouth.

“Howdy!” it said. “Sorry for the scare. I didn’t realize you’d get so darn spooked!”

Before you could respond a small vine sprouted from the ground and grew longer as it reached out for you.

“I’m Flowey! Flowey the flower!”

_ Uhh. _

Trying not to look unnerved-- you had never seen a monster that looked like an exact replica of a real plant-- you took the vine and shook. “Hi, Flowey. I’m (y/n).”

“Oh boy, I’ve heard your name before! Papyrus talks about you all the time!”

You blinked. “Wait, you know Papyrus?”

“Golly, yeah! We go way back!” A nervous smile. “Um… This might sound weird, but please don’t tell him you saw me, OK?”

_ Huh? _ “Why?”

“Well, it’s… really best if nobody else knows I visit. His brother and I aren’t on good terms.”

“You mean Sans?”

“Yeah. Him. He doesn’t like me very much. We used to be friends, but we, um… had a falling out, y’know?” He closed his eyes, looking mournfully exasperated. “And… you know Sans. He holds grudges.”

Really? Sans held grudges? You hadn’t known that, but you decided not to ask. It wasn’t your business. “Oh. OK, I’ll keep this talk between us.”

“Thank you!” He beamed. “Papyrus told me you were sweet.”

Your face got a little warm.  _ Did he really say that? _

“You look tired! What’s the matter?”

“Huh?”

“Well, any friend of Paps’ is a friend of mine!”

_ Paps. _ Were the two really that close? On a nickname basis?

“And you look kinda down!” His smile faded a bit. “What’s the matter? I hope Tra… Sans… and his cousins aren’t giving you too hard of a time.”

_ Cousins. _ So he believed their story. That got you to relax a bit. He couldn’t be that smart if he believed that excuse for a coverup.

“I know what it’s like to be his friend. It can be hard. Seeing as he’s so secretive, and he has so many, y’know… issues.”

_ Issues? _

“So I understand if you’re stressed!” He smiled apologetically. “I… hope I’m not disturbing your peace.”

“No, you’re not.” It was… actually kind of nice to have someone to talk to. Especially someone who had known Sans, even if the two didn’t get along anymore.

“I’m not? Good!” His vine patted a spot next to him. “Why don’t you sit down and tell me what’s on your mind? I know Paps wouldn’t want you to be so worried about anything!”

_ Sure, why not? _ Flowey seemed harmless enough. You just didn’t need to disclose anything too personal. So you sat next to him.

He waited patiently.  _ Oh. _ Looked like he was pretty eager to listen.

“Ah,” you began.  _ Eloquent. _ “I just… I just found out something about Sans and his cousins today. And I don’t know what to do about it.”

“I understand! Like I said, he’s a real secret-keeper! Did he tell you or did you find out?”

“I sort of figured it out.”

“Oh boy, you  _ are _ smart! No wonder the whole family likes you so much!” Flowey winked. “Paps says they’ve all taken a pretty big liking to you.”

You weren’t sure what he meant by that.  _ Does he mean platonically or romantically? _

Frankly, you were too afraid to ask. So you just played dumb. “That’s sweet of him.” You rubbed the back of your neck. “I’m probably headed back to my apartment soon, though.”

“Oh! I was under the impression you’d moved in with them!”

“Just for a while, as I was getting something sorted out. But I’m all done with that now.”

“Aww. Paps told me you might be moving out. He sure is gonna miss you when you’re gone.” Flowey was still smiling. “He loves having you here.”

You blinked. “He does?”

“Sure! They all do. Paps says you’ve been making a big difference to everyone! That you bring a little extra spark into their lives!”

And your face was getting warm again.  _ Papyrus really said that? _

“You seem to have a really big influence on them. I think that’s interesting.”

His smile was a bit different. You couldn’t entirely tell why. It was giving you some weird vibes, but there was nothing inherently threatening about it, so you tried to push your paranoia aside. Still, you repeated, “Interesting?”

The weird look vanished. “It’s not normal for people to have a big influence on Sans! And I’m guessing the same for the cousins who are so similar to him.” A second vine sprouted from the ground and tapped his petals, like someone rapping on their head with their finger. “They’re thinkers more than they are feelers, y’know? Which I guess makes sense! They’re smart guys!”

You could agree with that. “Yeah. Y’know they’ve been teaching themselves some pretty advanced physics recently.” You figured that information was no big deal as long as you didn’t go into specifics.

Flowey blinked, then smiled a weird, confused smile. “What do you mean? Do you mean a different field of physics than the one Sans already works in?”

Wait. “What?”

A giggle escaped him. “We’re both confused now. Do you mean he’s studying a new field? Besides quantum physics.”

“How would he already know about quantum physics?”

He raised a brow in an amused smile. “Uh… because he’s a physicist and that’s his field?”

_ Wait, what?! _

“Sans is a  _ physicist? _ ” You could feel that your brow was furrowed.

“Huh?” Flowey frowned. “He hasn’t told you? Oh, my bad. I figured you’d know, seeing as you’re a friend and all.” He smiled again. “But hey, that’s Sans for you! Secretive, as usual!”

That explained why he’d appeared to know what he was doing with those equations this morning! Why hadn’t he told you? Was it that big of a deal?

“Aw, don’t stress yourself about it. There’s all kinds of things his own brother doesn’t know about him!”

You raised a brow. “How would you know that?”

A sad smile. “Hah… When you get on his bad side you learn a lot about him.”

What was that supposed to mean? “So he let things slip when he was arguing with you?”

Now the smile was nervous, but less guilty and more concerned. It looked like he was more worried about you than himself. “Um… Hey, don’t worry about it.”

That first vine patted your shoulder again.

“Just enjoy Tras—  _ Sans’ _ — friendship. And… try not to get on his bad side. For your own sake.”

Flowey reached out to you with the second vine.

“It was really nice meeting you! I can see why the skeletons are such big fans.” A sympathetic smile. “I visit pretty much every day, to talk to Paps, so if you ever want someone to talk to then just scout around and you might see me!”

That was really nice of him. You shook his… vine. “Sure, I’ll do that.”

“Nice! I’ll see you around, then! See ya later!”

“See ya,” you said with a smile.

And then Flowey and his vines… retreated into the ground. Almost like they’d gotten sucked back under. The soil closed up around where he’d been until it was like he’d never been there at all.

_ Huh. Must be some monster magic ability. _

That was what he was, right? A monster? That was the only conclusion that made sense. He certainly wasn’t human.

Either way, he seemed nice. Some of the stuff that he had said… concerned you… and he’d been kind of weird sometimes. But overall you felt pretty relieved after talking to him. Next time you needed somebody to talk to, you’d probably take him up on his offer.

What harm could one little flower do, anyway?

***

“So,” said Vanilla, “basically what I’m saying is that we can all pretty much agree on Axe’s theory and that chances are Stretch and Blueberry are responsible for the fact that the attraction is equal across all of us.”

He was holding some unused pages. Axe didn’t know what was on them, just that Vanilla had said he didn’t feel the need for them, that it was pretty obvious everyone had felt Blue’s makeout with you pretty equally. Axe couldn’t help but wonder if it was a survey, and he’d had to hold back some laughter at the thought.  _ Surveys. _

He grinned, leaning on the wall behind him, next to the closed door to Vanilla’s room. “Can I say ‘I told you so’?”

“No,” was Vanilla’s reply.

“Personally I don’t consider that fair but OK.” At this point Axe just had a good time messing with his counterparts. He had to wonder if he had really been so much like Vanilla before the famine.

It was actually kind of embarrassing if he had. Vanilla  _ really _ didn’t like venturing from his comfort zone.

“SO,” said Blueberry, “WHAT DO WE DO?”

“Well,” Vanilla said hastily, as if he were concerned about being interrupted, “I think next we should try to figure out how exactly our souls were affected by physical things like a shift in—“

“Oh my fuckin’ God,” said Red, “let’s just  _ tell  _ ‘er already.”

Axe could practically see the beads of sweat forming on Vanilla’s forehead. “Well we still don’t completely understand—“

“The  _ hell _ else is there tah understand? We all wanna fuck her. That’s all there is to it.”

Everyone else visibly flushed. Even Edge’s face tinged pink, but he actually said nothing. He seemed to be in an even worse mood than usual. He just stood in the corner of the room with his arms folded, sulking.

“TH… THE REST OF US NEVER SAID ANYTHING ABOUT THAT!” Blue said indignantly.

“Oh sure,” said Red, “an’ I’m sure if she’d started askin’ to sleep with you after yer date ya  _ totally  _ would’ve said no.”

Blue’s face darkened and he looked away.

“I don’ care if you guys are ‘the innocent ones,’” said Red, making air quotes. “Yer still grown-ass adults. I do not believe fer two seconds that you would not fuck her given the chance.”

“W… WELL,” said Papyrus, “WE KEEP THAT SORT OF THING TO OURSELVES!”

Axe noticed his brother wasn’t saying anything. He was too busy looking embarrassed and feeling his teeth. A frown came over Axe’s face. He’d talked to Vanilla about scheduling something. His brother deserved his old teeth back.

“We need tah  _ tell  _ her what’s goin’ on,” said Red.

“And then what?” Vanilla finally protested. “She just dates all of us? Until you guys go home?”

“If yer just fuckin’ scared she don’t like you then that’s yer problem, Vanilla!”

“I’m not scared!”

“Yes you are! That’s what all’ve this is, yer just stallin’ so that she won’t start seein’ all of us and leave you jackin’ off tah the thought’ve her!”

Axe hadn’t needed that mental picture. He stepped in-- or, tried to. “Guys, fighting isn’t going to—“

“SHE HAS NO IDEA HOW TO PROPERLY DATE ANYWAY!” Edge blurted. “CLEARLY I AM THE SUPERIOR MAN IN THE ROOM BUT DOES SHE CARE?! NO!”

Oh. He was pissed about you not eating his lasagna. It was kind of hard to imagine that someone as mean-spirited as Edge felt a pull on his soul towards you. Growing irritated, Axe tried to speak again: “Guys—“

“EDGE,” said Papyrus, “YOU SIMPLY NEED TO WORK ON YOUR PEOPLE SKILLS! RIGHT NOW YOU CAN SOMETIMES BE VERY MEAN AND—“

“ _ MEAN? _ ” said Edge. “I COOKED HER DINNER!”

“YES BUT MOST OF THE TIME—“

“ **Guys!** ” Axe finally yelled, and all the bickering stopped.

Everyone looked over at him.

“Sorry. I got annoyed. Look, can we keep our dignity please? We’re not children.” He glared at Vanilla. “Red is at least right that you’re trying to stall. I get it, heartbreak sucks, but she’s already been on a date with Blue anyway. You can stall all you want and she’ll end up going on dates regardless.”

Sans’ grip on his sheet of paper tightened, but judging by the look on his face, he was more scared than angry.

“Besides, she might like you too. In which case you’re just delaying her going on a date with you.”

Sans said nothing.

“DO WE TELL HER ABOUT OUR SOULS BEING LINKED TO HER AND EACH OTHER?” asked Crooks.

_ Uh.  _ Axe deliberated a moment. “I… Probably not that. That has a lot to do with the Machine, and she doesn’t need to know about… Look, the more we show her, the more she’s going to want us to explain other things, and we really don’t want to go into certain territory. So as far as she knows, we all just like her.”

“You really think she’s gonna believe that?” asked Red. “That we all jus’ happen tah like her at the same time?”

“I think she’ll believe that we like her, and at that point that’s really going to be all that matters, whether she likes all of us back or not.”

There was a knock on the door next to Axe and everyone froze up. It had to be you, everyone else was in the room.

Everyone exchanged a nervous glance-- had you heard something?-- but Axe opened the door anyway and found you standing on the other side. You looked kind of shy.  _ Maybe we shouldn’t have just left her at the table…. That was probably a dick move. _ He smiled the nicest smile he could muster, hoping it didn’t look creepy instead. “Hey,” he said. “What’s up?”

“Hi. I’m not… interrupting anything, am I?”

Red smiled. “Nothin’ important, doll.”

“OK.” You smiled back. “I just, um, wanted to say goodnight.”

You then seemed to really notice him, and you reached out. Axe felt a slight tingle on his shoulder when you touched it.

“Actually, could I… talk to you first?”

There was a moment of silence. Axe looked at the others, who all shrugged. Looked like they wouldn’t particularly mind, so he turned back to you. “Sure.”

He stepped outside, closing the door behind him, and expected you to start speaking… but instead you headed towards your (or, Papyrus’) room, gesturing for him to follow.

_ Must be something important. _ Why were you talking to him about it? Still, he followed and let you close the door.

“You OK?” he asked.

Your response was simply, “You guys are from different dimensions.”

Axe stared. After a few moments of deliberation, he answered:

“Yep.”

“And you guys got stuck here?” she asked. “That’s what all Vanilla’s calculations are about.”

“Yep.”

For some reason you seemed upset.

“Listen, we weren’t sure if you’d believe something as wild as that.”

“No, I understand, I just… wish he’d said that, I thought he was just doing physics as a hobby. I have a degree in engineering. If I can help, I--”

“If you want to help, don’t talk to me about it. I’m not helping.” It came out colder than he’d intended, but it was true.

“You’re not?”

“No. I don’t want me and Paps to go home.” He gestured to his injury. “It’s bad there.” Looking away, he continued: “Everyone’s starving. We have no real friends to fall back on. All we have there is each other.” He turned back to you. “At least here, we have the other idiots in this house. We may not always get along, but… I don’t think… that they would stab us in the back. At least, not the way our old friends did. Not that badly.” With a wink, he added, “And we have you.”

Your face turned pink, and Axe felt his soul hum.  _ Nope. Don’t. She doesn’t like you that way. _

_ She never will. _

“Hey,” you said. “I know you had a hard time trusting me before, but I just want you to know, I won’t do… whatever your old friends did.”

A chuckle. “Nah. You would never do what they did.” Reminded of his recent mistakes, he said, “I’m… really sorry about that. I was horrible to you.”

“Look, it’s OK, Axe.”

When had he looked away again? He looked back at you.

_ When did she get closer? _

“I don’t really have the time or energy to stay mad at people,” you said. “Besides, you’re sorry, and since you apologized last, you’ve been nothing but nice to me. I can tell you mean it.” A grin. “I don’t think you’re the type who could pretend to like someone for days.”

“Probably not,” he replied, his smile growing. He was so thankful you were a forgiving person.

That you didn’t hold grudges, like he did.

“Hey,” he said.

“Hm?”

“S… sorry I just… kissed you, that time. Out of nowhere.”

“Axe, I just said--”

“I know, that’s just… what I feel the worst about.”

“Well, don’t, OK?”

Your smile was so soft. Axe was having a hard time ignoring the thrumming in his soul.  _ Come on. Put yourself together. Even with the space-time shit she’s never shown any interest in you. _

***

You and Axe were so close. When had you gotten right in front of each other?

Why did the space between you still feel so large?

He felt so bad. He had been awful but… he didn’t need to feel so bad. Not after he’d apologized, and changed. He was so sweet to you now. He cracked jokes, and held your hand, and winked at you.

The way he winked at you made that thing flutter.

You didn’t notice as your feet rose up onto their tiptoes and you leaned forward. You  _ did  _ notice Axe’s eyes widen slightly.

“... What are you doing?”

For some reason, you ignored him. After what felt like eons your lips pressed against his smooth cheek, lingering there. The thing in you raced. Your hands reached out just barely and your fingers curled into the fabric of his hoodie until you were clutching it. When your lips finally left him, they parted slightly and you let out a shuddering breath. You were reminded of your kiss with Blueberry just hours before, and you felt some guilt.

But… you also wondered if Axe’s kisses were any similar….

Trying not to think about it, you just smiled at him. His face was flushed blue and he looked a little shocked, though the pupil in his red eye had dilated rather than contracted.

“I forgive you,” you told him. “Forgive yourself, alright?”

He just stared. Eventually you started to worry. Had you weirded him out? Or was his paranoia coming back? Wanting to date all of them at once had been his accusation before. Not wanting to ruin the friendliness that had come up between the two of you recently, you opened your mouth to apologize… but before you could his own teeth pressed against your cheek. You could swear his kiss lingered longer than yours had, and your eyes closed. You clutched his hoodie tighter. He let out his own shaky breath while his teeth gently caressed your cheek and you shivered.

_ Axe…. _

When the kiss ended you tried to relax. You had the feeling you were kind of excited from the kiss earlier today, because your mind raced with images of Axe holding you in his arms.  _ C’mon, don’t be an asshole. _

_ Don’t lead them on. _

“Hey,” he said, his voice deep, but soft.

“H… Hey,” you repeated, trying to smile like no big deal, but you could hardly look him in the eye.

“You seem like all this stuff is really stressing you out.”

Was that his explanation for the kiss? You couldn’t tell, but… it was true. You were stressed. “It is.”

A hand rested on your waist. It was so much larger than Blueberry’s.

“You think,” he said, “that maybe… you’d feel better if you had company tonight?”

Your face got hot and his own face flushed.

“N… not like that. I’m not hitting on you. Just… company. Friendly company.”

That didn’t sound too bad, actually.

“That would be nice,” you told him, and he smiled.

A pair of arms wrapped themselves around you. This thing in your chest that wasn’t your heart… It wanted to be close.

So close to him.

“I can keep you company.”

With a cheeky grin he suddenly picked you up, and you giggled. The giggle seemed to elicit a laugh from him.

“You’re a dork.” He winked at you. “You know that, right?”

You stuck your tongue out at him and he laughed before unceremoniously dropping you on the bed. Unprepared for the sudden lack of support, you yelled in surprise, and he started to cackle.

“You’re mean,” you scolded, albeit facetiously.

“You should’ve seen your face!”

You threw a pillow at him and he blocked it with his arms, still chuckling.

“Hey now, I’m trying to be nice.”

It was funny how reminiscent his joking smile was of Vanilla’s.

He picked the pillow up off the ground and set it down next to you. You moved over and pulled the sheets down, making room for him, and he joined you, lying down on his side.

The both of you gave each other a grin.

“Hiya,” he said.

“Hi to you as well.”

His smile softened. “Thanks for letting me join you.”

Shaking your head, you replied, “Thanks for offering.”

After a moment of watching you, Axe reached out and pulled you close before wrapping his arms around you. You felt a rush of warm fuzzies. He was so much bigger than the other Sans-es…. It made you feel protected.

“Let me know if you need anything,” he murmured, then winked. “If you can wake me up, anyway.”

He then reached towards the bedside table, and turned out the lamp.

***

Once he was finished with that, he wrapped his arms back around you. His soul raced at your proximity. He couldn’t believe he was here, like this, with you….

You were so warm. Your hair was so soft. You smelled so sweet.

You.

A sigh left you and you drew closer to him. His soul hammered, and he thanked his lucky stars that he had no heart, otherwise he was pretty sure you would hear it going crazy.

He had to admit, despite his criticism of Vanilla, he too was  _ trying _ to perceive this whole situation as a case study. Probably because he knew that even like this… he had no chances with you.

But, regardless of the scientific explanation for his overwhelming attraction to you, he had a soul. And his soul didn’t see you as an alternate dimension’s version of a “you” that he or Paps might’ve gotten together with back home. Axe’s soul didn’t care about that. The way he felt about you could be summed up in a single word.

He nuzzled your neck.

_ Soulmate. _

***

“HOW?!”

Edge glared down at his older brother. He was fuming. He hadn’t been able to stay stuck in that room full of idiots arguing. Their stupidity drove him insane! And besides, he needed to interrogate Sans, so he had dragged his brother into his own room.

Red’s feet shuffled and he glanced around nervously. “How what, Boss?”

“WHAT DO YOU THINK? HOW DO  _ YOU _ OF ALL PEOPLE GET WOMEN TO LIKE YOU?!” Edge sat down on his bed aggressively, folding his arms. “I COOKED HER DINNER AND SHE  _ STILL  _ DOESN’T LIKE ME! NO! WORSE! SHE’S GETTING COZY WITH—”

“Shhh!” hissed Red. “We don’ want her tah know that we can feel it! That’d be awkward!” He rubbed the back of his neck. “As fer dinner… Don’t sweat it, Boss. It ain’t yer fault her human body can’t handle yer food.”

“THAT ISN’T THE PROBLEM, SANS! YOU’VE NEVER COOKED HER DINNER, YOU JUST MAKE SUGGESTIVE JOKES AND WINK AT HER AND SHE BLUSHES!”

“Yeah, they’re suggestive jokes, but they’re also compliments. I think she’s hot. Girls like hearin’ that s’long as yer not an asshole about it.” He seemed to consider something. Edge didn’t like that look.

“WHAT?!”

“Look, Boss, it ain’t that complicated. Girls like guys who are nice tah them. Blue was nice tah her, he got a kiss. Axe is nice to her now, so she forgave him fer what he did before.”

“I AM NICE!”

“ _ No _ , yer not. Ya made her dinner. That ain’t the same thing.”

“WHY NOT?!”

“Cuz the rest’a the time ya say you don’ like her. Ya call her ‘Human,’ Boss, ya don’t even call her by her real name. Ya didn’t  _ ask _ if she wanted lasagna. Ya yelled at her tah eat it. Like an order. You cookin’ her lasagna wasn’t you bein’ nice, it was you bein’ jealous of Blue.”

Edge felt his fists clench. “I… NO IT WAS NOT!”

“Then my advice ain’t gonna help and we don’t need tah have this conversation.”

He turned to leave, and Edge felt a pang of… worry.

“NO, NO! DO NOT LEAVE!”

Sans already had his hand on the doorknob but he turned. “Are ya gonna listen tah me?”

Edge never listened to Sans. He was the one in charge. But… “FINE.”

His brother shoved his hands in his pockets, as usual. Now he looked a little awkward. “OK, Boss, look. Lemme start this off by sayin’ that yer a fantastic captain back home.”

Edge raised a brow, not sure where Sans was going with this. Was this about to be followed up with an insult?

“Yer mean, an’ ruthless, an’ ya order people around no problem.”

_ THIS IS ALL TRUE. _ Edge beamed.

“ _ But…  _ firstly, we ain’t back home anymore. Here, people don’ like any’ve that stuff.”

Edge’s triumphant smile fell.

“An’ secondly, ya act like Captain Papyrus all the time, tah everybody. An’... nobody likes bein’ ordered around by someone who ain’t in charge of them. Ya ain’t in charge of anybody here, Boss.” A mumble: “Cept me.”

Blinking, Edge couldn’t help but wonder what the mumble was about. But asking probably wouldn’t get him any answers, so he said nothing.

“Look, think of yer qualities as weapons. If ya wield a weapon wrong, it don’t do you any good. Could even backfire an’ hurt you, right?”

Edge nodded firmly. This was true!

“Same with yer personality. With everybody’s personalities. Even good qualities are double-edged swords. Yer assertive. That ain’t bad. Lotsa girls like that. But, uh… sometimes yer  _ too  _ assertive, and ya end up bein’ mean. If ya wanna go out with her, it means there’s stuff about ‘er that ya like, right?”

Another nod, but this one was slightly reluctant. It wasn’t Edge’s fault that he liked you! It wasn’t his fault that you were so pretty and small, and delicate! And it wasn’t his fault that you were so nice to the others!

“Then tell her so. You’d like tah hear compliments from her, right? So compliment her.” He huffed. “Listen, if ya want advice, ya should be askin’ Vanilla Papyrus, ‘n Blue.”

_ PLEASE. _ “I DO NOT WANT THEIR ADVICE! THEY ARE PATHETIC!”

“Well, one’a them just made out with her today. So.”

Blue… Why Blue? Blue was not nearly as strong or as fierce as Edge! What did niceness have to do with anything?!

Well… he supposed if one were to go on a date, one would prefer a partner who was agreeable. Otherwise the two would just be fighting the whole time-- and not in the fun way. The corner of his scowl twitched in irritation at the thought of you being consistently angry the entire time. Someone in such a sour mood would ruin everything.

_ … OH. _

Now it made sense.

“FINE!” he barked. “I WILL SPEAK WITH THE NATIVE PAPYRUS AND BLUE! THEY ARE MORE FAMILIAR WITH THIS CULTURE AND ITS STANDARDS!”

He missed Red’s sigh of relief.

“Great idea, Boss.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It may not be a soulmate AU factually but it feels like one.
> 
> This chapter had a lot in it-- guess long chapters are just the norm now lol. But I hope you guys liked it!
> 
> (Also... I have [a tumblr](https://shyneanon.tumblr.com) .)


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